FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Upcoming adventures might make you more manly if you are a woman. If you are
a man, the coming escapades could make you more womanly. How about if you’re trans? Odds are that you’ll
become even more gender fluid. I am exaggerating a bit, of course. The transformations I’m referring to may not
be visible to casual observers. They will mostly unfold in the depths of your psyche. But they won’t be merely
symbolic, either. There’ll be mutations in your biochemistry that will expand your sense of your own gender. If you
respond enthusiastically to these shifts, you will begin a process that could turn you into an even more complete
and attractive human being than you already are.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I’ll name five heroic tasks you will have more than enough power to accomplish in the
next eight months. 1. Turning an adversary into an ally. 2. Converting a debilitating obsession into a empowering
passion. 3. Transforming an obstacle into a motivator. 4. Discovering small treasures in the midst of junk and decay.
5. Using the unsolved riddles of childhood to create a living shrine to eternal youth. 6. Gathering a slew of new
freedom songs, learning them by heart and singing them regularly — especially when habitual fears rise up in you.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your life has resemblances to a jigsaw puzzle that lies unassembled on a kitchen
table. Unbeknownst to you, but revealed to you by me, a few of the pieces are missing. Maybe your cat knocked
them under the refrigerator, or they fell out of their storage box somewhere along the way. But this doesn’t have
to be a problem. I believe you can mostly put together the puzzle without the missing fragments. At the end, when
you’re finished, you may be tempted to feel frustration that the picture’s not complete. But that would be illogical
perfectionism. Ninety-seven-percent success will be just fine.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
I LOVE YOU TOO.
Thank you for everything. I hope im not too
late. Im will be me. Lets go already!!
I SAW YOU BOTH-
CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you are smoothly attuned with the cosmic rhythms and finely aligned with your
unconscious wisdom, you could wake up one morning and find that a mental block has miraculously crumbled, in-
stantly raising your intelligence. If you can find it in your proud heart to surrender to “God,” your weirdest dilemma
will get at least partially solved during a magical three-hour interlude. And if you are able to forgive 50 percent of
the wrongs that have been done to you in the last six years, you will no longer feel like you’re running into a strong
wind, but rather you’ll feel like the beneficiary of a strong wind blowing in the same direction you’re headed.
Under a Southern Oregon summer sunset
Surrounded by friends and family
Flashes of fushia with each twirl of your
dress
As two lives became one.
May the dance of your lives continue for
many years to come.
I WOULD NEVER WISH TO CAUSE
DISTRESS
or to slight you, ever. I did say ‘hi’ a second
before bolting, but you must not have heard
me. Such a sudden intensity overloaded my
spectrum’d CPU. (You have witnessed this
once before, if I am not mistaken.) I guess
everything I did was wrong, except wait and
watch the aurora spread over you. Worth a
thousand blunders.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): How often have you visited hell or the suburbs of hell during the last few weeks? Accord-
ing to my guesstimates, the time you spent there was exactly the right amount. You got the teachings you needed
most, including a few tricks about how to steer clear of hell in the future. With this valuable information, you will
forevermore be smarter about how to avoid unnecessary pain and irrelevant hindrances. So congratulations! I
suggest you celebrate. And please use your new-found wisdom as you decline one last invitation to visit the heart
of a big, hot mess.
TODAY
is a perfect day to be happy!
WORKER OF THE WEEK
I saw you ironing clothes from a basket
outside my window. looked like you were
breaking out in a sweat, so I am sending
you hearts and flowers. Take it slow.... Dude
let someone else carry the ball.
a photo sharing space
by @mdeluise
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My friend Athena works as a masseuse. She says that the highest praise she can re-
ceive is drool. When her clients feel so sublimely serene that threads of spit droop out of their mouths, she knows
she’s in top form. You might trigger responses akin to drool in the coming weeks, Virgo. Even if you don’t work as a
massage therapist, I think it’s possible you’ll provoke rather extreme expressions of approval, longing and curiosi-
ty. You will be at the height of your power to inspire potent feelings in those you encounter. In light of this situation,
you might want to wear a small sign or button that reads, “You have my permission to drool freely.”
#amazingday at
#oregoncountryfair #best
#music #crafts#food
#beautifulpeople
#ewexposure
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The latest Free Will Astrology poll shows that thirty-three percent of your friends, loved
ones and acquaintances approve of your grab for glory. Thirty-eight percent disapprove, eighteen percent remain
undecided and eleven percent wish you would grab for even greater glory. As for me, I’m aligned with the elev-
en-percent minority. Here’s what I say: Don’t allow your quest for shiny breakthroughs and brilliant accomplish-
ments to be overly influenced by what people think of you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are at the pinnacle of your powers to both hurt and heal. Your turbulent yearn-
ings could disrupt the integrity of those whose self-knowledge is shaky, even as your smoldering radiance can
illuminate the darkness for those who are lost or weak. As strong and confident as I am, even I would be cautious
about engaging your tricky intelligence. Your piercing perceptions and wild understandings might either undo me
or vitalize me. Given these volatile conditions, I advise everyone to approach you as if you were a love bomb or a
truth fire or a beauty tornado.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Here’s the deal: I will confess a dark secret from my past if you confess an
equivalent secret from yours. Shall I go first? When I first got started in the business of writing horoscope columns,
I contributed a sexed-up monthly edition to a porn magazine published by smut magnate Larry Flynt. What’s even
more scandalous is that I enjoyed doing it. OK. It’s your turn. Locate a compassionate listener who won’t judge you
harshly and unveil one of your subterranean mysteries. You may be surprised at how much psychic energy this
will liberate. (For extra credit and emancipation, spill two or even three secrets.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What do you want to be when you grow up, Capricorn? What? You say you are
already all grown up and my question is irrelevant? If that’s your firm belief, I will ask you to set it aside for now. I’ll
invite you to entertain the possibility that maybe some parts of you are not in fact fully mature; that no matter how
ripe you imagine yourself to be, you could become even riper — an even more gorgeous version of your best self.
I will also encourage you to immerse yourself in a mood of playful fun as you respond to the following question:
“How can I activate and embody an even more complete version of my soul’s code?”
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): On a summer day 20 years ago, I took my five-year-old daughter Zoe and her
friend Max to the merry-go-round in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. Zoe jumped on the elegant golden-maned
lion and Max mounted the wild blue horse. Me? I climbed aboard the humble pig. Its squat pink body didn’t seem
designed for rapid movement. Its timid gaze was fixed on the floor in front of it. As the man who operated the ride
came around to see if everyone was in place, he congratulated me on my bold choice. Very few riders preferred
the porker, he said. Not glamorous enough. “But I’m sure I will arrive at our destination as quickly and efficiently as
everyone else,” I replied. Your immediate future, Aquarius, has symbolic resemblances to this scene.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Early on in our work together, my psychotherapist confessed that she only works
with clients whose problems are interesting to her. In part, her motivations are selfish: Her goal is to enjoy her work.
But her motivations are also altruistic. She feels she’s not likely to be of service to anyone with whom she can’t be
deeply engaged. I understand this perspective and am inclined to make it more universal. Isn’t it smart to pick all
our allies according to this principle? Every one of us is a mess in one way or another, so why not choose to blend
our fates with those whose messiness entertains us and teaches us the most? I suggest you experiment with this
view in the coming weeks and months, Pisces.
HOMEWORK: What’s the best, most healing trouble you could whip up right now? Go to Freewillastrology.com
and click “Email Rob.”
Use the hashtag
#ewexposure
for a chance to be featured in EW.
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Daisy, my sidekick, my shadow.
Always up for an adventure or
down to snuggle up. Love you,
Fuzzy.
P E T S I S S U E : J U LY 2 8 , 2 0 1 6