LOVE
& SEX
In celebration of full-figured sex
BY MELISSA MANKINS
S
urprise! Fat people have sex.
Fat people have really good
sex and lots of it. If you believe
what you see in the media, you
would think I was full of beans.
I am most assuredly not.
We are portrayed as loud,
obnoxious and completely
devoid of style. We are never
appreciated as sexual beings.
We are never the leading lady.
We are never the love interest. Instead, we are the
butt of every dumb joke. We are made to look so
unfortunate and homely — it’s offensive. This is
antiquated and extremely problematic and not at all
how the world actually works.
I am a 36-year-old fat woman, and I have lots of
sex. This isn’t anything mind-blowing or interesting,
really, except that the messages sent to fat women,
and most women, is that we should feel shame
about our bodies. Visibility is so important when we
are bombarded every day with endless amounts
of negativity towards our bodies. We are told we
are undesirable and that we should hide our bodies
unless we fit into society’s rigid standard of beauty.
I refuse to hide. We are told we should be crying
into a bowl of ice cream, not out there flirting with
whomever we want — and maybe even going home
with them if we choose to. This is all bullshit. I am
done feeling limited by my body. It is my body, and I
love it for all it can do. I love it for its softness. I love
it for its curves. I love it for all its imperfections and
jiggles, too.
After ending a 15-year relationship, I went on
a quest of self-discovery. What I found is that
most people in real life do not actually ascribe to
these narrow-minded views about fat women’s
bodies. Most people I have met have been very
complimentary about my body. I honestly found this
to be very surprising, which in hindsight is pretty
sad.
That just goes to show how much work needs to
be done around sex and body positivity. I expected
it to be a lot harder to find decent, respectful,
attractive people I would want to date or have
casual sex with.
When I first started using Tinder, a dating app, I
would warn people that I am a fat girl and not just
the kind of fat where I am only a tiny bit chubby.
I wear a size 22-24. I am legit fat. I felt being fat
was something to disclose, but I no longer feel
this way.
I met one of my favorite sex partners on OkCupid,
a dating website. He is 120 pounds smaller than me.
My favorite and most comfortable position with him
is with me on top. I am here to tell you it’s OK to have
sex with someone smaller that you. Don’t be afraid
that he will see your double chin when you ride him
or her.
Don’t be afraid to have sex with the lights on.
Don’t be afraid of your fat when it jiggles. Don’t be
afraid to move your belly out of the way if you need
to. That’s all part of the fun, finding out how your
bodies fit together.
My advice is to enjoy your beautiful body and
enjoy sex. Say “yes” whenever you feel compelled
to. Stop slut-shaming yourself or allowing others to
slut-shame you.
Just let go. I promise, you will not crush anyone. ♥
Melissa Mankins is a local artist and writer. Follow her on instagram @
judydense. A version of this story orignally ran on XO Jane and
Huffington Post at bit.ly/1MXmG9i.
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