SAVAGE
LOCAL
HEALTH & FITNESS
SHOWS!
ON CABLE
COMCAST
CH. 29
EUG-SPR
TUESDAY
EVENINGS
www.CTV29.org
Frances 541-510-5773
there’s nothing I can’t wax
barebodywaxingstudio.com
KRATOM
10% OFF
UP TO 1 OZ. • WITH THIS COUPON
57 W. BROADWAY 541-687-0139
Automotive Specialties
AFFORDABLE TRANSMISSION REPAIR
Russ Owens 541-942-8022 Cottage Grove
Practicing the Art of Transmission Repair since 1991 All makes, Subaru, Honda & Acura specialists
automotivespecialties.biz • autospecialties@hotmail.com
DANCERS AUDITION
Call 541-517-7196
www.sweetillusions.biz
Nude Hours 12pm-2:15am Daily
LOTTERY • CHAMPAGNE ROOM
OUTSIDE SMOKING • DRINKING PATIO
1836 South ‘A’ St., Spfl d • 541-762-1503
Only 5 minutes from campus • (Franklin Blvd turns into South A St.)
50% OFF CLEARANCE BLOWOUT!
9
$
99 DVD
BOGO
50% OFF
MINX DANCE POLES
Adult Shop
290 River Rd | 86784 Franklin Blvd | 720 Garfield
e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203
WIGGLY TAILS DOG RESCUE
Call
(541) 225-4955
to adopt
501(c)(3) nonprofi t
westcoastdogandcat.org
Melody, a 16-month-
old tortoiseshell cat,
would love a quiet,
stable home. Once
you’ve won her trust,
she is generous with
loving head butts,
purrs, and funny pirouettes. Melody, who
likes to sit back and observe the world, has
the potential to become a great lap cat for a
very special person!
With Support from
Helping abandoned and surrendered dogs fi nd their forever homes
Koby is a very
sweet, but shy
chihuahua boy. He
would love a home
with another small
doggie companion
and someone to
cuddle with. He is
about 6 years old
and 6 lbs. He does
fi ne with other
dogs and cats.
Koby is needing a foster or forever home. Please get
in touch to meet this sweet little guy!
Foster homes & volunteers are always needed!
Please contact us through our Facebook page.
www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue
PHONES & BONES
BY DAN SAVAGE
LOVE
I’m a 45-year-old straight male. Politically and socially, I consider myself an ardent feminist. There
is nothing I enjoy more than giving a woman an orgasm or two. I’m very GGG and will cheerfully do
whatever it takes. Fingers, tongue, cock, vibrator—I’m in. If it takes a long time, so much the better.
I’m okay with all of that. Now and again, though, I really like a quickie, a good old-fashioned “Wham,
bam, thank you, ma’am!” The only ladies I’ve found willing to engage in those cock-centric acts are
sex workers. I’m okay with that, too. But the last time I paid for it, with a woman I had patronized
before, I was just about to slip my cock in doggy-style when her phone rang. It was in reach, and she
picked it up! I hesitated, but she didn’t pull away, and in fact pushed back a bit while she answered.
I figured this was what I came for, so I proceeded. Her cavalier attitude toward being fucked from
behind while having a trivial phone conversation wound up being a huge turn-on for me. By the time
she finished her 20-second call, I was finished as well. I hadn’t come that quickly since I was a teen.
She laughed that she should take calls more often. What kind of beast am I that I really enjoyed such
utter indifference? Does this reveal some dark secret deep in my psyche? How can that mesh with
my otherwise feminist views?
Premature Ejaculation Needs Some Introspective View Examined
First, PENSIVE, “enjoys giving women orgasms” sets the bar for “ardent feminist” just a bit low. So here’s
hoping your feminism involves more than penetrating a willing partner with your fingers, tongue, cock,
and whatever vibrators happen to be lying around. Because if your feminism doesn’t include support for
pro-choice policies and candidates, regular donations to Planned Parenthood, backing equal pay for equal
work, speaking up when other men say shitty/rapey/dehumanizing things about women (particularly
when there isn’t a woman in the room whose pussy you want to lick until you come, because feminism!)—
and more—then you’re not a feminist, ardent or otherwise.
Moving on… Why did it turn you on when the sex worker took a call during your session? Because it did.
Turn-ons are subjective and mysterious. People who are curious about their turn-ons have to start with
“this turns me on” and work backward from there. And to figure out why a particular fabric/adornment/
attitude/scenario arouses us, we use the only tools available to us—guesswork and self-serving rational-
izations—to invent a backstory that makes some sort of logical sense, and then we apply it to something
(kinks, turn-ons, orgasms) that really defies logic.
So, PENSIVE, if I were to hazard some guesswork on your behalf, I’d probably go with this: Being treated
with passive contempt by someone that you are supposed to be wielding power over (the woman you’re
fucking, a sex worker you’ve hired)—being subtly humiliated and mildly degraded by that woman—taps
a vein of eroticized self-hatred that makes you come quickly and come hard.
And while that’s wonderful for you, PENSIVE, it isn’t proof you’re a feminist.
I’m a 29-year-old gay trans man. On female hormones, I took a long time to come and usually wouldn’t
come at all. I always enjoyed sex; I just wasn’t focused on coming. My partners would or wouldn’t, de-
pending on their preferences. Since starting testosterone a few years ago, I now come quickly and
easily. (Sometimes too quickly and easily.) My problem is that after I come, like most men, I’m done
with sex. And the stronger the orgasm, the truer this is. A while ago, after a really fun time, I woke to
find that I’d accidentally fallen asleep and left my longtime hookup buddy to fend for himself. Other
times, I’m just tired and/or turned off. I definitely don’t want anyone inside me (it hurts), and while
I’ve tried mustering enthusiasm for blowjobs, hand jobs, etc., my attempts come across as pretty
tepid. So in the context of both ongoing relationships of various sorts and hookups, what’s the eti-
quette? I’ve found myself just avoiding things that’ll push me to come, because I don’t want to be
rude. And since I’ve always enjoyed sex without orgasms, this doesn’t bother me mostly. But once in
a while, I would like to come. How can I do this and still take care of the other guy?
Not Good At Sexy Abbreviations
Use your words, NGASA: “If it’s not a problem, I’d rather come after you do—my refractory period kicks in
hard when I come and, like other men, I briefly lose interest in sex. On top of that, I’m a terrible actor. So let’s
make you come first or let’s try to come at the same time, okay?”
My wife and I are bisexual—we’re a man and woman—and we’ve been tiptoeing right up to the edge
of organizing a threesome or swap through 3nder. But we haven’t gone through with it yet—too many
flakes and fakes. But we have no complaints—just contemplating a threesome has put amazing en-
ergy back into our sex life. Is there a name for the explosive sex you have with your longtime partner
when you’re anticipating a group scene or threesome? If not, can we suggest the neologism “pre-
some”? Rhymes with threesome!
Married With Anticipated High Jinks
The phenomenon you describe—the insanely hot sex a couple has before a threesome or other sexual ad-
venture—has been noted by sex researchers and couples counselors. Dr. Margie Nichols, a psychologist
and sex therapist, told the New York Times she frequently urges the non-kinky couples she sees to emu-
late kinky couples. “Kinky couples plan sex,” Nichols told Amy Sohn, “and simmer for days in advance.”
Many couples in the planning stages of a threesome do a lot more than simmer: Like you and the wife,
MWAHJ, they find themselves having hot twosomes in anticipation of the impending (and hopefully hot)
threesome. I think “presome” is a wonderful term to describe that kind of sex—I’m officially endorsing
your proposed neologism—but I don’t think it works as well for four-way swaps, group sex, BDSM play
parties, etc., because it obviously rhymes with/riffs on “threesome.” But it’s an excellent term to describe
the situation you and the wife are in.
To describe the sex you’ll have in the wake of your first successful threesome, I would propose the term
“postsome.”
I thought your advice to SCRAPE, the guy whose penis was suffering due to his girlfriend’s shaved-
but-stubbly labia, was spot-on—except in regards to waxing. As both a former professional waxer
and a woman with very coarse pubic hair, I hope you don’t mind if I correct you: Waxed hair does
not grow back as prickly as shaved hair. The hair follicle tapers from its root. When shaved, it is cut
straight across at its thickest point. The hair, as it grows, continues to grow from there. When waxed,
the hair is removed at its root, and a new hair will grow intact, with the softer taper. I cannot shave
without extreme discomfort during regrowth (like needles in my undies!). SCRAPE’s girlfriend’s post-
wax stubble may still be too uncomfortable for him, but it will doubtless be an improvement. Honest-
ly, I’d be amazed if she’s not currently in more pain than he is!
Smooth Moves
Thanks for sharing, SM.
Listen to Dan’s podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.
@EUGENEWEEKLY
MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM
eugeneweekly.com • January 7, 2016
27