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Eugene Weekly’s local dating site
WINK-KINK.COM
I’m a straight man at that age where the general public still considers me young. Although I’ve attend-
ed many weddings, I have no interest in marrying or even being in a relationship. I never have. I’m not
asexual. I’ve had and enjoyed sex. I just don’t feel the need to be with anyone. As long as I’ve got music
and friends, I’m satisfi ed. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one. My parents want grandkids. My
friends want to set me up. My television set only ever shows people in or pursuing relationships. My
government wants me to father and raise future dead soldiers. I try not to internalize these views, but
sometimes I wonder what’s going to happen if I change my mind somewhere down the road. What the
hell’s wrong with me? Or not wrong with me? What do I tell people who insist that something’s wrong or
that I’ll change my mind? And what should I do if I actually do change my mind?
I Don’t Give A Fuck
MEN SEEK ING WOMEN
MEN SEEK ING MEN
HOUSEWIFEY NEEDIN NUTT
ONELOVE4U
CURIOUS
Hey there! I’m 45 ,STD FREE,married,orally
wicked,
VIRGIN-TIGHT,
38D-33-
36,smoker,social drinker 420 friendly,
NEEDIN (badly),some new buddies 2
hookup,get neked, &copp a cosmic nutt.
dawny, 45
My friends would say i am easy going,fun-
loving,honest,carring & a nice guy, to say
the least. onelove13, 45, g
Bi-curious male, clean, fit, seeks beautiful
boy for first time encounter. I want to adore
your smooth, lean body. A lot to ask for? Of
course. maxd, 42
DARK SECRETS REVEALED
When faced with a challenge are you
resourceful? Do you play fair in your
quests? Perhaps you’re not above using
coercion? Will you implement control,seduc
tion,pain,pleasure...... Your Prize - Is
Revealed. Kittens_Secret, 48
BUSTY LOUD MOUTH
I need help finding an attractive kinkster in
eugene to sleep with. Into anarchy and
equality. Lets drink coffee and fuck like
industrial collapse is upon us(excitedly).
biteybug, 20, g
JUSTFORFUN!
29 year old gemini, seeks fun. Very out
going, very social, and loves to have a good
time. Good senese of humor, tye one on
with me and have fun!!! TEVIL, 29, g
FOR ME?
Good looking, healthy and clean. I love thick
women. You should be clean, imaginative
(nasty!), and honest. And... I am an ass
worshiper, please be willing to indulge that!
pbulster, 46, g
SEEKING NEW EXPERIENCES
Nice clean guy looking for good clean fun.
Let’s make some noise! PS. I also like to get
dirty, ladies. CunningLinguist, 47, g
NEED TRAINING
TO TRY THINGS
I need to find a Dom Man who can train me
to be his slave. I am a proffessional and
attractive..pictures available... Willing and
ready. trainme, 47
thats what i need thats what i whant women
to help me find new sex adventure. rav-
madd, 42
HORNY AND BORED
male for discreet play with female, couple,
or group. If you aren’t willing to step outside
the box than you should stay in yours. nice
guy, I do good times. gllatino, 36
Like constant touch. Want the warmth of
hot skin on mine. Mtnfun, 38
WET AND WILD
Fun and Fucking.... No strings.....loves to
play and looking for intense pleasure. Pics
upon request! Hereforyou, 43
WHAT I DO
I CAN BE?
no weird crap but im not a lame open to
suggestions .long and.. however u tell me
just do it. jtbills, 27
MEN SEEK ING ?
FANTASY TITILLATIONS
Looking for primarily women but open to all
others for email fantasy exchanges regard-
ing groups that include stories and scenari-
os involving all kinds of titillation. I love the
journey! PeckStrap, 63
HANDSOME OLD SENSUALIST
looking for a nice attractive, slender young
beauty or a stable couple to play with.
Disease free. Not a freak. Let’s just have us
some pink, naked, squishy fun! :). pure, 50
COUPLES
ORGASMS R FREE
Lookin’ for a good time? Experienced cou-
ple looking for a special lady to treat to
exotic pleasures and chocolate! dblthe-
pleasure, 47
JUICY ASS,TITS
she’s 22 curvy, big ass & big tits. he’s 21
slender we want a curvy lady with big tits
for 1st time 3some. we can host. 420
friendly. pics? TenaciousKitty, 22, g
FABULOUSEX CREATOR
WOMEN SEEK ING ?
THAT’S MZBITCH
Dominant woman interested in submissive
man, woman or couple for discrete play. I
adore pain sluts but abhor brats. Be real, be
truthful, or be on your way. MzBitch, 46,
g
EXUBERANT AND CURIOUS
I’m 5’4” bob-cut brunette with a penchant
for adventure and a great smile. I am in a
committed non-monogamous partnership,
but hoping to branch out and meet other
poly-friendly folks. gewilnian, 25, g
I’m looking for an attractive girl who is
mature and likes to have fun, adventure. I
would love to watch movies, hike, make
artwork and have a sex. Hot tub! ecorevolu,
25, g
HORSECOCK
looking for someone to play with try new
things experiment. im 8inches witha mar-
ble implant.I know how to use it just need
someone who thinks they can handle it.
hunglikeahorse, 21, g
? ? ! ! (O T H E R)
NAUGHTY CD
I’ll add to this later, but I’m not looking for
anything in particular. I love women, I love
sex, I’m kinky, open-minded and horny.
SissySlutHeather, 27, g
MALE NEW TRICKS.
bit bi-curious and would like to try some
new things in that area.looking for a seduc-
tive clean couple and/or experienced per-
son (any gender)that’s dom...if male,need
to be shown the ropes. heyy, 33, g
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Honestly, IDGAF, yours is one of those letters that I have a hard time giving much of a fuck about. Don’t get
me wrong: You sound like a nice guy, articulate and pithy, and I typically like people who know what they
do and don’t want.
But cowards annoy me.
Forgive me for working my own sexuality into this, but I have to say: When I was at that age the gen-
eral public unanimously considers young — still a teenager — I walked into my mother’s bedroom and
informed her that I was a faggot. (Begging my parents for tickets to the national tour of A Chorus Line for
my 13th birthday somehow didn’t do the job; fi ve years later, I had to come out to them all over again.) If I
could work up the nerve to come out to my very Catholic parents about putting dicks in my mouth — at the
beginning of the AIDS crisis, at that — you can fi nd the courage to come out to your parents and friends as
not asexual, not unhappy, and not planning to date, cohabit, wed, or reproduce.
But while I’m not sympathetic to your plight, IDGAF, I found someone who is.
“Few young adults say they’re not interested in sex or relationships, but IDGAF’s preference for going solo
is hardly unique,” says Eric Klinenberg, professor of sociology at New York University and author of Going
Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. “Today, an unprecedented number of
people are opting to live alone. One-person households represent 28 percent of all households in the US,
and in cities the numbers are higher.”
Your coupled-up friends and grandchild-starved parents might have an easier time accepting your life-
style choices if they knew just how common they are.
“In recent decades,” says Klinenberg, “young adults have been the fastest growing group of American
singletons. They’re delaying marriage and spending more years single. Moreover, they increasingly rec-
ognize the fact that over their long lives, they’re likely to cycle in and out of different situations: alone,
together; together, alone.”
And despite the negative stereotypes that slosh around about single people — they’re antisocial, un-
happy, isolated — Klinenberg’s research shows that those who live alone do just fi ne in the friends and
social-life departments.
“People who live alone tend to be more social than people who are married,” says Klinenberg. “They’re
more likely to spend time with friends and neighbors; more likely to spend time and money in bars, cafes,
and restaurants; and even more likely to volunteer in civic organizations. So much for the myth of selfi sh
singles!”
So what should you tell your nagging friends and family?
“How about letting them know that going solo is what works best for him right now,” says Klinenberg, “but
that he’s hardly made a vow to stay single forever. Or, if he’s feeling feisty, he can remind them that, no
matter how they’ve arranged their lives at the moment, someday they might fi nd themselves opting out of
sex and relationships, too.”
What should you do if you change your mind someday? You should date, IDGAF, you should marry. Don’t
describe your current choices as superior — even if it does mean a better social life — and you won’t have
to eat crow if you change your mind.
“We’ve come a long way in our attitudes about sex and relationships,” says Klinenberg. “Now that living
alone is more common than living with a spouse and two children, isn’t it time we learned to respect the
choice to go solo, too?”
Indeed it is. And the sooner you demand a little respect from your parents and friends for your choices,
IDGAF, the sooner you’ll get it.
Single and partnered people alike should follow Eric Klinenberg on Twitter: @EricKlinenberg. To fi nd out
more about Klinenberg’s books and his research, go to ericklinenberg.com.
What’s the etiquette around (nonpenetrative) sex toys after a breakup? I bought restraints, a blind-
fold, etc. for my ex, and she left them behind. It seems a waste to throw them away. Is it a bit squicky
for a guy to bust out an arsenal of old toys when a new gal comes along?
Alone With Accessories She Had
Jonathan Schroder, general manager of Mr. S Leather in San Francisco (mr-s-leather.com), suggests that
you get rid of your bondage gear. Schroder is in the business of selling sex toys — Mr. S is famous for its
high-quality bondage gear — but his advice isn’t about his desire to move merchandise. It’s about your
desire for gals, AWASH.
“Personally, I think some of the best gear you can get is hand-me-down gear,” says Schroder. “And there’s
a great tradition in the gay leather community about passing gear from older folks to younger folks. But my
gut tells me that a new girlfriend might wig out about used bondage gear. We have a lot of customers and
couples that have a strong preference for cleanliness. But straight women in particular prefer that things
be wiped down, well cleaned, and shiny. So a woman who opens a dresser drawer and fi nds restraints with
signs of wear and tear — and signs of someone else’s sweat or fl uids on them — is probably going to be
turned off.”
So get rid of your old gear, Schroder advises, but don’t throw it away.
“Find someone who wants and can’t afford bondage gear, and give it to them,” says Schroder. “Gear is
expensive, and there are people out there who can’t afford it. Help ’em out.”
@fakedansavage says polyamory a “choice,” not an “identity.” Where have we heard that argument
before? Meet the new bigots, same as the old.
@lilyldodge
If all people are naturally nonmonogamous — a point I’ve made about 10 million times — then from my
perspective, polyamory and monogamy are relationship models, not sexual orientations. (And if poly and
monogamy are sexual orientations, Lily, wouldn’t going solo have to be considered one, too?) That was my
point. Poly can be central to someone’s sexual self-conception, and it can be hugely important, but I don’t
think it’s an orientation in the same way that gay, straight, or bisexual are orientations. People can and do,
of course, identify as poly. But is poly something anyone can do or something some people are? I come
down on the “do” side. Lily clearly disagrees.
But as @GetItBigGurl said on Twitter, where Lily and I engaged about my comments in last week’s column,
“Openly pondering difference between orientation vs. lifestyle isn’t bigotry, legislating against polyamory
is.”
No one is legislating against polyamory here. Just thinkin’ about things.
FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST MY WEEKLY PODCAST EVERY TUESDAY AT THESTRANGER.COM/SAVAGE
eugeneweekly.com • November 29, 2012
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