KINK
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Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID
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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I want to buy my 14-year-old niece a dildo, some lube, and an age-appropriate book about
sex. (Can you recommend one?) I have her mother’s permission, but I wanted to double-check
on whether there are legal issues I should be concerned about. (I live in Oregon.) Do you think
it would be inappropriate for me to cross that boundary with my niece? I fi gure it would be less
awkward to get these items from me than from her mother, and I would include a thoughtful
letter on love, sex, and life with the promise that I will never bring the “gift” up, but that I will al-
ways be happy to talk if she wants to. Any other advice on how to handle it appropriately would
be appreciated.
Wanted Toys Too
P.S. I am motivated to do this due to my own teenage experience of not wanting a penis to be
the fi rst thing of substance put in my vagina. I had to resort to a plastic banana, no lube. Ouch!
“Your niece is lucky to have a mom and an aunt who are invested in her sexual well-being,”
says Jennifer Pritchett, the owner of Smitten Kitten, a sex-toy shop in Minneapolis and a fre-
quent Savage Love guest expert. “She’s also lucky to live in a time when sexual health informa-
tion geared toward young adults is readily available.”
And why shouldn’t penetration toys be readily available to your niece? All any 14-year-old
boy who wants to experiment with penetration—for his own pleasure, to build up his confi dence
in advance of partnered sex—has to do is make a fi st. Girls who are curious about penetration
shouldn’t have to resort to plastic bananas.
Pritchett recommends that you get your niece a copy of Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X.: The
All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College,
which is terrifi c, and that you make sure your niece knows about www.scarleteen.com, an amaz-
ing, comprehensive, and sex-positive independent sex-ed website.
“Share these resources with her,” says Pritchett, “but do not write an awkward letter! All
you are going to do is communicate your own insecurities about the ‘gift,’ and trust me, she’s
got enough weird cultural hang-ups about sex and pleasure to deal with! It’s admirable that you
want to save her from the plastic banana, but be careful not to inadvertently project your own
sexual choices onto her experience.”
Pritchett also suggests that instead of selecting a sex toy for your niece, WTT, you take
your niece to a sex-toy shop so she can make her own selection—because, hey, what could be
awkward about that? “If you really want to empower her to make her own decisions about her
body,” says Pritchett, “take her to an education-based shop like She Bop (www.sheboptheshop.
com) in Portland where their trained sex educators can help her fi gure out what she might like
to try.”
If your niece would like to go sex-toy shopping with you—and that’s a big if—you’ll need to
call She Bop in advance and make an after-hours appointment. “We are an 18-plus shop,” says
Jeneen Doumitt, co-owner of She Bop, “but we have made special arrangements in the past for
younger teens. We would need to get written consent from the legal parent or guardian and the
parent or guardian would have to accompany them.”
There is also the option of going on their website and shopping together with your niece, or
you could send your niece to any number of female-sex-positive websites and she can pick the
toys she wants you to buy—no letter from parent or guardian required, no embarrassing small
talk.
I have a fetish for sweaty, smelly, stinky female feet, but I don’t know how to approach
strange women and ask them to fulfi ll my wishes. It sucks that the only way to maybe get what
I want is to hire an escort or go to one of those foot parties that are always held in huge cities
hundreds of miles away from where I live. How can I realize my dreams in the small hick town
where I live? Any suggestions?
Desperate For Feet
Sorry, DFF, but you’re just gonna have to move to a big city (or travel to one) to realize
your dreams of sweaty, smelly, stinky female feet. And if your dreams revolve around servicing
the feet of more than one loving, indulgent woman, then you’re gonna have to pay nice ladies
to make your dreams come true. Approaching strange women in hick towns or big cities and
asking them to indulge your fetish isn’t going to get you anywhere other than a sex-offender
registry.
I recently found out my husband once responded to an online ad from some guy seeking to
give blowjobs to other men. He actually went to the guy’s apartment but chickened out after
meeting him. This was 10 years ago, long before we were even dating, and it was during an
extremely long (fi ve-year) dry spell for him. I don’t know whether I’m turned on or creeped out
by this, but I am defi nitely having a reaction to the secret he shared with me. Can you help me
make heads or tails of all this? Should I be worried he’ll end up getting rest-stop blowjobs one
day?
All Mixed Up
During an extremely long (four-year) dry spell of my own, AMU, I responded more than once
to offl ine offers of blowjobs from girls. I was horny, I was desperate, and my powers of concen-
tration were such that I could close my eyes and pretend—and I’m really dating myself here—that
Bo Duke was blowing me.
Desperate men do desperate things, AMU, and just as my teenage/closeted desperation
drove me into the arms, beds, and mouths of some nice young women, similarly desper-
ate straight guys have been known to accept blowjobs from gay or bi dudes. And just as the
concentrate-on-Bo-Duke blowjobs I got from girls back in the ’80s didn’t make me straight, the
concentrate-on-Sofi a-Vergara blowjobs straight guys get from dudes today don’t make them
gay.
It’s possible, of course, that your husband will wind up getting rest-stop blowjobs one day—
anything is possible—but that one time he almost got a blowjob from another dude doesn’t
make rest-stop blowjobs any more or less likely. (I’m assuming your husband is telling the truth
about not going through with it.) And as your being turned on by the thought of the husband
getting a blowjob from another man doesn’t make those rest-stop blowjobs any likelier either,
AMU, I think you should go ahead and let yourself be turned on by the idea.
After 20 years of boring vanilla-ness with my ex-husband, I’m tickled pink to be with a GGG
guy who’s into some fun stuff and encourages me to explore. The problem: One of his kinks is a
smoking fetish, and I don’t smoke cigarettes. Inhaling is a big part of the excitement for him, but
I cough if I inhale, which ruins the mood. Any advice for ways to be GGG with this kink?
Cigarette Inhaling GGGirl
There are limits to being GGG—self-harm being one of them. Give him permission to explore
this particular fetish with someone stupid enough to smoke. If he pouts, CIGGG, remind him who
inhales his dick.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter
www.e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203
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EUGENE WEEKLY SEPTEMBER 13, 2012 27