KINK
Eugene Weekly’s Alternative Dating Site
• Browse local postings
• Post your own profi le
• Connect with local singles
Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID
Questions? info@wink-kink.com Jayme or Jennifer 541-484-0519
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DEAR READERS: I’m on vacation for the next two weeks. This week’s column features three
recent Savage Love Letters of the Day. (The SLLOTD goes out to folks who have the Savage
Love app for iPhone and Android.) I hope everyone is having a great summer, and I’ll see you
in two weeks. —Dan
Here’s what you shouldn’t do: You shouldn’t say anything—not to your friend, not to your
friend’s mother—and you certainly shouldn’t try anything.
Here’s what you should do: You should masturbate about your friend’s mom just as much
as you like—and you should take the advice I gave another horny 16-year-old boy a couple of
years back (this one happened to be gay, but the advice still applies):
“Worry less about getting your 16-year-old self laid and more about getting your 20-year-
old self laid. Get out of the house and do shit, get books and read shit, volunteer for a political
organization and change shit. You’ll have more boys to choose from in a few years and be a
more interesting, informed, and attractive guy thanks to all that doing, reading, and volunteer-
ing. Beat off in the interim, of course, but remember to vary your masturbatory routine (left
hand, right hand; fi rm grip, soft touch; with toys, without; lots of lube, just a drop; etc.), and try
to cultivate your own erotic imagination. (Translation: Don’t jerk off to internet porn exclu-
sively; use your imagination once in a while.)”
Lots of straight boys your age have crushes on their friends’ mothers, and lots of men
had the same kind of crush at your age. It’s a great fantasy, HORNY, one that fuels entire porn
genres. But the potential benefi ts—a few orgasms for you and maybe one for your mom’s
friend (if you’re any good at this sex stuff, and, at 16, you most certainly are not any good at
this sex stuff… yet! You will be one day!)—aren’t worth the potential costs. A destroyed friend-
ship, a broken family, and, depending on age-of-consent laws where you live, a long prison
term for your friend’s mom—those are high prices to pay for a few lousy orgasms. And that’s
assuming your friend’s mom is even interested, which she almost certainly is not.
So beat off about her, HORNY, to your part’s content. Then go do shit, go read shit, and go
volunteer and change shit. You’ll meet girls, some closer to your own age, and you’ll be a more
interesting, fuckable dude for all that doing, reading, and changing.
I have a boyfriend of two years. At the beginning of our relationship, I caught him cheating
on me. Not physically cheating, but he was talking to girls and they would send him pics. We
worked everything out and now we trust each other. But a few weeks ago, I caught him watch-
ing porn. He doesn’t know. It doesn’t bother me that much, but I was wondering if it could lead
to him cheating on me again?
Sent From The Savage Love App For iPhone
FNBJMUPEE!FVHFOFXFFLMZDPN
PSDBMM
Eat
Cozmic
Think
Local
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I’m 16 and I like my friend’s mom who is 35. She’s married and has two kids. But I really like
her. What should I do?
Help One Really Needy Youth
NEED DIRECTION?
Just looking for
Hannahottie, 21
Savage Love
MON/WED $15 TABLE DANCES
All men watch porn. Some lie and claim they don’t, some are so stealthy they never get
caught, but all men watch porn. If watching porn led to cheating, SFTSLAFiP, then all men
would cheat. But not all men cheat. So we can safely say that porn viewing doesn’t cause men
to cheat. Because all men watch porn. But not all men cheat. Thank you for playing Savage
Love. (Okay, okay: A handful of men don’t watch porn. But their numbers are so small that the
average girl’s chances of ever meeting a non-porn-watching guy—let alone dating one—are so
small that we don’t need to factor them into our equation.)
My girlfriend and I are loyal listeners/readers. Our kinks fi t together beautifully, she’s ac-
cepting of being monogamish, and we have an amazing time in bed and out. The only catch is
her best friend and roommate, who she used to date.
Before they moved in together, the best friend demanded that every Sunday night be
reserved for the two of them to hang out. Okay, fi ne, everyone deserves a night without their
SO. But after they moved in together and saw each other every day, the practice continued.
The ex complains when I spend the night with my girlfriend at her new digs. After the move, I
was taking my girlfriend out on a date when she got a text from the ex asking where she was
and why she wasn’t home yet. My girlfriend got so upset, we had to call off the date and I took
her home to the roommate.
I’m trying to be patient with what looks like controlling behavior, but it’s incredibly frustrat-
ing to think I could lose this amazing girl if/when her ex decides to issue an ultimatum. I’m head
over heels for this girl, and I don’t want to come between her and her best friend. But it’s really
hard to bite back observations about her roommate’s hypocrisy (her lovers practically move
in). I don’t want to turn into a resentful jerk who makes my girlfriend stressed and unhappy, but
the confl icts with her roommate (that I tend to bring on) are already causing her stress.
Am I just being overly sensitive to the roommate’s behavior and should I chill the fuck out,
or is it a red fl ag that this otherwise perfectly awesome relationship isn’t likely to have legs?
Frustrated Lady
Your girlfriend is gonna have to decide who’s more important to her: her current girlfriend
or her ex-girlfriend. And she’s gonna have to decide which feelings are more important to her:
her current girlfriend’s feelings or her ex-girlfriend’s feelings.
But those might not be decisions she has to make right now.
You don’t say how long you two have been together, and that’s an important detail. You
can’t expect to come fi rst if you’ve been dating this girl for only a few weeks or months.
It’s generally a bad sign—a sign of emotional immaturity—when a person puts a brand-new
girlfriend/boyfriend fi rst; it’s an even worse sign when a new/newish girlfriend/boyfriend de-
mands to be put fi rst. Dating is about discovery: You spend time with a person to determine if
they’re the one you want to put fi rst “for the rest of your life.” (In theory, anyway.) During this
trial period—the time that falls between a fi rst meeting and a joint decision to make a more
serious commitment—your girlfriend’s close friends, family members, and even her manipula-
tive ex may have a stronger and more legitimate claim on her time and attention than you do.
So if it’s been less than 12 weeks, FL, then I would say your girlfriend’s willingness to pri-
oritize her creepily controlling ex could be excused. But if you’ve been dating for longer than
three months, if you two are very serious about each other, and your girlfriend still abandons
you whenever her ex snaps her fi ngers… well, that’s a very bad sign. Your girlfriend may have
a serious and seriously dysfunctional emotional entanglement with an ex. If that’s the case,
FL, I see confrontations, ultimatums, tears, broken leases, and other dramas coming your way
over the next three to six months.
Decide now if your current girlfriend is worth the grief.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter
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EUGENE WEEKLY AUGUST 9, 2012 31