KINK
Eugene Weekly’s Alternative Dating Site
• Browse local postings
• Post your own profi le
• Connect with local singles
Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID
Questions? info@wink-kink.com Jayme or Jennifer 541-484-0519
AIRES NEEDING OUTLET
I will deliver you bliss if you are
brave enough to open up to it.
Your mind will be teased as
much as your body which will
tremble
with
Euphoria.
Euphoriconnextion, 31,
g
ITS MY TOOLBELT
Eager student searching for
famous or infamous women for
fantastic feelings. A taste of Asia
in America. No rude crude stu-
pid. 39 and still carded.
Experienced
encouraged.
yummi, 39
MR HOMES
SUBMISSIVE SEXYLEGGY
BLONDE
Hi, I am 24 and am looking for the
right man who needs me so bad
they will tie me to their bed and
make
me
shake
and
scream(TOYS!!!). meowmur,
23
SEXFIEND, ORGANIZED,
ROMANTIC,
Im moving to eugene from iowa
and im looking for a strong
handsome sexy man to show me
around and be my “friend”.
hotbuck, 41, g
FUCK MY FACE
No strings, looking for some
older women, or women with
ASS! sdhimkevich, 35, g
SEEKING SEX PARTNER
NSA. Moderate descretion
requested. Hardbody, handsome,
gentle, experienced. Want fit,
fun, and pleasant to look at. Can
meet mornings to mid after-
noon. Eugene. Send picture to
have
one
returned.
SpecialFrnd, 53, g
BIG STRONG HANDS
Pleasure & pain, whisper &
scream. Some heights can only
be reached together, what are
you reaching for? I might be the
one to take you there, let’s find
out. Darksecrets, 41
FUNNY, NERDY, PIERCED
CUM ON, LADIES!
Just looking for
Hannahottie, 21
fun!
Hiya! My name is Robert, I’m 22,
6’3”, 190 lbs(working on losing a
few more pounds). I’m new to
Oregon. I want to try light bond-
age. Thedude, 22, g
Just looking for a little discreet
friendship. funguyz, 39
GOOD_GUY_LOOKING_FOR_
FUN
Just got out of a relationship.
Need attention - want to have
fun :). Dino5, 26
SIZE DOES MATTER
Hey there, I’m an extremely con-
fident, clean, adventurous guy
looking for some sweet fun. I’ve
got a hectic schedule that makes
it hard to meet people for some
fun. freetuclimb, 43, g
SMOOTH AS DESERT
I’m bored and want to try new
things. Middle eastern, good
looking, very fit, and ready to
crash and burn! izzy, 28
COUGARS/MILFS
Im just a normal guy looking for
a milf or a cougar. I’ve never
really been into kinky sex, but I
guess it just depends on the
person. d&d free. DuckzFan11,
27, g
YOUNGGUY WANTS COUGAR
Hey I’m 18 in college and looking
for some older women who
enjoy showing a young guy what
to do to really please them.
Oregon1994, 18
FANTASY FULFILLER
I am an open person who’s main
purpose is to fulfill any and all
fantasies for myself and for oth-
ers, and not necessarily in that
order. Amon, 23, g
LOOKING FOR FUN
DESIRE LUVR BOY
Cock & Ass Fantasies of Sweet
Queer Pleasure. Man on man
grinding, our tongues craving
cock, a powerful desire 4 kinky
playtime
2gether.
Hard4Femm, 42
I just want to find people who
want to play with me.. oregon-
homeboy, 20
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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I am desperately in need of your help. After eight years of marriage, it turns out that the
blowjobs I give are “good but not great” and are now getting “boring.” My husband is unable to
tell me anything specifi c that he wants me to do, just that I should do something different and
“be creative.” I’ve done pretty much everything I can think of over the years, fi ngers and hands
included, so I have no idea where to go from here! My husband is my fi rst partner, so I have no
past experience to draw from, and porn hardly seems the proper inspiration: visually exciting
(for a guy) but no visible technique other than some rather extreme deep-throating, which I
am incapable of, as I have an annoyingly sensitive gag refl ex. Is there anything nonstandard
but fun that you (or your fans) could suggest? I’m not exactly vanilla, so I’m willing to try pretty
much anything at this point.
Thought I Was Doing It Well
Seeing as I think saying, “You’re doing it wrong, do it better, but don’t ask me how I want it
done,” is an asshole move, TIWDIW, I’m tempted to give asshole advice. Something along the
lines of “take a swig of Tabasco sauce immediately before popping his dick in your mouth.”
You seem like a nice person, TIWDIW: a good sex partner, GGG, open to constructive
criticism. But “I grow weary of your blowjobs, they bore me—do something about it!” isn’t con-
structive criticism. It’s destructive criticism, the kind of feedback that can leave a sex partner
feeling inadequate and self-conscious. To be constructively critical, your husband needs to
come through with some suggestions and direction—something more helpful than “surprise
me.” (I bet he’d fi nd that mouthful of Tabasco sauce surprising.)
Now, maybe your husband has no clue what he wants you to do. But that’s still no excuse
for “Your blowjobs bore me. Fix it! Creatively!” Your husband should’ve tossed out some
suggestions, invited you to do the same, and you two should’ve given ’em all a whirl until you
found a few new tricks that worked.
Minor unfairnesses slosh around relationships like water in the bottom of a canoe, of
course, but “Be creative!” in this context isn’t just unfair, it’s paralyzing. Putting all the respon-
sibility for busting out new tricks on the shoulders of the person whose blowjob/assfucking/
bondage skills have been criticized rarely results in the criticized person busting out new and
mind-blowing blowjob/assfucking/bondage moves. A destructively criticized sex partner is apt
to shut down. So your husband isn’t just guilty of unfair behavior here, TIWDIW, he’s guilty of
self-defeating behavior. Meaning, you may be able to give better head—we all have room for
improvement—but this is not the way to go about getting better head from you.
Finally, TIWDIW, you mention that your husband was your fi rst partner. Can I ask how many
women he’s been with? If the answer is “not many,” then I would respectfully suggest to your
husband that his frame of reference may not be large enough to craft a truly informed critique
of your blowjob technique. For all he knows, you give amazing head. (Cue the straight men
who’ll tell your husband that he should be happy he’s getting blowjobs at all, that you wouldn’t
catch them complaining if they were getting regular and enthusiastic blowjobs eight years into
their marriages, etc.) But routine can make even the best blowjobs seem boring. So it may not
be the how of your blowjobs that bore him, TIWDIW, but the when and the where. Give him the
same old head in a new and exciting place (outside?) or in a new and exciting circumstance
(his hands tied behind him?) and see if that doesn’t make your blowjobs exciting again.
And while we’re on the subject of oral sex: How are your husband’s cunnilingus skills these
days? If they’re not all they could be, now’s the time to tell him.
I’m a straight guy into intense bondage—extended scenes, sensory deprivation, whole-body
casting—and the only people who have the gear and are willing to do it for free are gay guys. I
“laid my kink cards on the table” at three months, per your instructions, and told my girlfriend
that I sometimes get tied up by guys. She understood. It turns out that she’s been reading your
column since she was 15. She’s not worried that I’m gay; she didn’t ask me to stop. Just writing
to say thanks.
Only Gay For Bondage
You’re welcome, OGFB. Give my regards to the girlfriend.
I was upset by the letter in last week’s column about the devotee who posted pictures of
her disabled girlfriend’s body and wheelchair online without permission. I cannot speak for
all devotees, but I was disgusted by the behavior of GIMP’s girlfriend. I do not date people
solely for their bodies and would never see my partner as “just a body” or post pictures of
them online. As a devotee, I do fi nd particular disabled bodies more attractive and sexually ap-
pealing than most “able” bodies. But physical attraction is only a starting point. In order for a
relationship to move forward, there must be attraction on other levels and compatibility on an
interpersonal level, and there must always be mutual respect. I wanted to put this perspective
out there for people who, like GIMP, are wary of devotees. I’m sorry this happened to her. In any
“group,” there will be people who are perverted and disrespectful. But when a devotee acts up,
it contributes negatively to an already largely misunderstood attraction.
Good Dev In Canada
A programming note: People typically write to me when someone has done them wrong or
when they’ve done someone wrong. When the bad actor in a particular situation is someone
like a devotee—the kind of person who is unlikely to be out to friends and family members
about their deeply stigmatized sexual identity and/or interest—my readers can’t weigh what
they’re learning about this one particular devotee against what they know about the other
devotees they know and love… because the other devotees they know and love aren’t out
to them about being devotees. It’s something to bear in mind, gentle readers, when some-
one with a rare or deeply stigmatized sexual interest makes an appearance in the column.
Remember: GIMP’s girlfriend doesn’t represent all devotees any more than TIWDIW’s husband
represents all straight men.
With that said…
GIMP’s letter appears to have been a fake. There’s a disturbed person lurking on the web
who pretends to be a woman in a wheelchair, as a number of readers wrote to inform me, and
this person has peddled the exact same story before. A fake letter is going to make its way
into the column from time to time—there’s no way to verify every letter—and as every question
that does make the column is a good hypothetical to every Savage Love reader save one, I try
not to get too worked up about the odd fake question. But it is a problem when a fake question
contributes to the negative public perception of a group of people whose sexual desires are
already so stigmatized.
While the news that GIMP’s letter is fake will come as a comfort to everyone who thought
my advice for GIMP sucked, it’s cold comfort for all the good and decent devotees out there
who had to see yet another story about a shitty—and, in this case, completely fi ctitious—devo-
tee make it into print. My apologies.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
@fakedansavage on Twitter
WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM
EUGENE WEEKLY JULY 19, 2012 31