KINK
Eugene Weekly’s Alternative Dating Site
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Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID
Questions? info@wink-kink.com Jayme or Jennifer 541-484-0519
AIRES NEEDING OUTLET
I will deliver you bliss if you are
brave enough to open up to it.
Your mind will be teased as
much as your body which will
tremble
with
Euphoria.
Euphoriconnextion, 31,
g
MR HOMES
SUBMISSIVE SEXYLEGGY
BLONDE
Hi, I am 24 and am looking for the
right man who needs me so bad
they will tie me to their bed and
make
me
shake
and
scream(TOYS!!!). meowmur,
23
SEXFIEND, ORGANIZED,
ROMANTIC,
Im moving to eugene from iowa
and im looking for a strong
handsome sexy man to show me
around and be my “friend”.
hotbuck, 41, g
FUCK MY FACE
No strings, looking for some
older women, or women with
ASS! sdhimkevich, 35, g
SEEKING SEX PARTNER
NSA. Moderate descretion
requested. Hardbody, handsome,
gentle, experienced. Want fit,
fun, and pleasant to look at. Can
meet mornings to mid after-
noon. Eugene. Send picture to
have
one
returned.
SpecialFrnd, 53, g
BIG STRONG HANDS
Pleasure & pain, whisper &
scream. Some heights can only
be reached together, what are
you reaching for? I might be the
one to take you there, let’s find
out. Darksecrets, 41
FUNNY, NERDY, PIERCED
CUM ON, LADIES!
Just looking for
Hannahottie, 21
fun!
Hiya! My name is Robert, I’m 22,
6’3”, 190 lbs(working on losing a
few more pounds). I’m new to
Oregon. I want to try light bond-
age. Thedude, 22, g
Just looking for a little discreet
friendship. funguyz, 39
GOOD_GUY_LOOKING_FOR_
FUN
Just got out of a relationship.
Need attention - want to have
fun :). Dino5, 26
SIZE DOES MATTER
Hey there, I’m an extremely con-
fident, clean, adventurous guy
looking for some sweet fun. I’ve
got a hectic schedule that makes
it hard to meet people for some
fun. freetuclimb, 43, g
ITS MY TOOLBELT
Eager student searching for
famous or infamous women for
fantastic feelings. A taste of Asia
in America. No rude crude stu-
pid. 39 and still carded.
Experienced
encouraged.
yummi, 39
SMOOTH AS DESERT
I’m bored and want to try new
things. Middle eastern, good
looking, very fit, and ready to
crash and burn! izzy, 28
COUGARS/MILFS
Im just a normal guy looking for
a milf or a cougar. I’ve never
really been into kinky sex, but I
guess it just depends on the
person. d&d free. DuckzFan11,
27, g
YOUNGGUY WANTS COUGAR
Hey I’m 18 in college and looking
for some older women who
enjoy showing a young guy what
to do to really please them.
Oregon1994, 18
FANTASY FULFILLER
I am an open person who’s main
purpose is to fulfill any and all
fantasies for myself and for oth-
ers, and not necessarily in that
order. Amon, 23, g
LOOKING FOR FUN
DESIRE LUVR BOY
Cock & Ass Fantasies of Sweet
Queer Pleasure. Man on man
grinding, our tongues craving
cock, a powerful desire 4 kinky
playtime
2gether.
Hard4Femm, 42
I just want to find people who
want to play with me.. oregon-
homeboy, 20
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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I’m a smart, professional woman in my mid-30s who dates the same. I also happen to use a
wheelchair; I was diagnosed shortly after my fi rst birthday with a motor neuron disease. I have
about as much physical strength as a quadriplegic but I have full sensation. (Boy howdy, do I!)
I am careful about who I date because of my physical dependence on the people around me.
I am also wary of folks who call themselves “devotees.” These are individuals with disability-
related fetishes. They gravitate toward amputees, but some are attracted to women in chairs.
I’m not sure what about this bothers me so much; I suppose it feels reductionist, and I’ve spent
my adult life becoming more than a girl in a chair.
I’m sure you can see where this is going. I started dating a lovely, successful, witty, beautiful
woman a little more than a year ago. As time progressed, it became clear that we were sexually
compatible. Things have been great. At the eight-month point, I told my BFF that this might
be “the one.” At the nine-month point, she confessed to being a devotee. I was crushed. But I
trusted her, as I had gotten no icky feelings from her. Then she said that she wanted to try us-
ing my chair during sex — except with our roles reversed. Because I try to be GGG, I consented,
as long as she agreed to couples therapy, which she did. In therapy, she said she had no idea I
was in a chair before we met — which is plausible, as it was a blind date — and she just felt lucky
when I showed up in a chair and then didn’t know how to tell me. So … we’ve been working it
out.
Until last night. We were out with friends, she asked me to take a picture on her phone,
and I found pics of me, from the neck down (clothed, thank god), and pics of my chair. I quickly
sent them to myself and then, later, checked them on Google Images. My fears were confi rmed:
She’s been posting these photos, without my consent, to “devotee” websites. I feel sick and
heartbroken. I haven’t confronted her yet.
What do I do, Dan? In every other way, this woman’s a catch, and I really care about her. At
the same time, I feel like my trust has been horribly violated. Is it time to DTMFA?
Girl In Massive Pain
Yes, GIMP, it’s time to DTMFA.
And you gotta dump the motherfucker like you mean it. You can’t be a lesbian about this.
No “taking a break,” no “putting things on hold,” no “scheduling an appointment” with your
couples counselor. You’re dumping her. The end.
Your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend needs to understand that, as a direct result of her unbeliev-
ably selfi sh actions, she was promptly and unambiguously dumped. It’s the only way this moth-
erfucker will ever be able to wrap her head around just how thoroughly she violated you. (It
doesn’t help that she lies to you — I mean, excuse me, but who sets a friend up on a blind date
with someone in a wheelchair without mentioning that fact?) And now, thanks to her, pictures
of you are fl oating around fetish websites. Your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend destroyed your sense
of sexual safety and shat all over the trust that had been placed in her by her dream girl. (That
would be you, GIMP.) And for what? A cheap thrill? Bragging rights?
Dump the motherfucker already.
And then, GIMP, after your ex has had some time to wallow in regret (you were the girl of
her dreams!) and self-recrimination (how could she have been so fucking stupid!), give her a
call. Depending on what you hear — and hopefully you’ll hear an extended apology and that
she’s in therapy — you can make up your mind about whether you wanna TTMFB: “take the
motherfucker back.”
It sounds like your girlfriend has many good qualities, GIMP, and it sounds like you two
clicked. Maybe your girlfriend can be salvaged. Maybe losing you will be the shock she needs
to get help. If it is — if she went and got help of her own accord, not because she thought it
would win you back (because that wasn’t on the table) — then bizarro DTMFA (“date the moth-
erfucker again”) might be an option. But you two should start seeing a counselor together if
you TTMFB, you should take things four times as slowly this time, and she should get a phone
that doesn’t have a camera.
I’m a straight 32-year-old woman who has been in a monogamous relationship with a guy
for two years. Recently, we took the plunge and moved in. Before moving in, we had experi-
mented with some kinky stuff. (I have never come so hard or fast as the fi rst time I fucked him
in the ass with a strap-on.) Then he told me, after moving in, that he had given some thought
to poly relationships before committing to me. Now I am feeling insecure about the viability
of this relationship. Although he claims no desire to be in a poly situation now, I can’t help but
feel that I alone will ultimately not be able to fulfi ll him entirely. He is a soul mate who I can see
growing with over time. But I worry this relationship is doomed.
Fem Fetish Frosh
This probably isn’t what you want to hear, FFF, but here goes: You alone will ultimately
never be able to fulfi ll your boyfriend entirely … just as he alone will never be able to fulfi ll
you entirely. One person simply can’t be all things to another person — sexually or otherwise
— and unmet needs, unfulfi lled desires, and unexplored possibilities are prices we pay to be in
LTRs. Monogamous, polyamorous, Femdom, or whatever: All coupled people walk around feel-
ing a little unfulfi lled. (Single people, too.) Because no one gets everything they want.
So, FFF, while some aspects of the polyamorous lifestyle appeal to your boyfriend, he has
decided that he prefers the kind of relationship he’s in now, with its perks and drawbacks, to
the hypothetical polyamorous scenarios he used to contemplate, which would’ve had their
own perks and drawbacks. I’d say your relationship is only doomed if you can’t bring yourself
to take his “yes” — yes to you, yes to monoamory — for an answer.
My husband and I have been together for three years and we’re not having as much sex
as we used to. A big part of the problem: In the time we’ve been together, he’s put on a lot of
weight. I’m not looking to blame his weight gain for my libido issues. I just need to shut up and
put out more, and I’m working on that. But I’m wondering if it’s ethical to suggest incentivizing
his weight loss with more sex. Sex every time he drops three pounds followed by sex once a
week once he hits his target weight? I don’t think losing the beer belly will make me want to
drop my pants all the time, but it couldn’t hurt, right?
Like Boys Slimmer
If you think your husband would respond positively to the challenge — if he’s not weepily
sensitive about his weight, if he likes set goals and specifi c rewards — then I think you should
toss this proposal on the table right next to that bag of Doritos. Of course, I couldn’t give you
the same advice if the genders were reversed because … well, it looks like we’re out of room.
So we’ll have to leave the gendered politics of fat for a future column.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
@fakedansavage on Twitter
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EUGENE WEEKLY JULY 12, 2012 35