SPONSOR
longevityhealth.com
Evening appointments - Gift Certifi cates
Student/Senior Discounts - Auto accident
Dance and
lessons
almost
every day!
No partner
needed.
EUGENE TANGO .COM
Leslie Shawver, LMT #3492
541-870-7245
WINK
• Browse local postings
Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID
• Post your own profi le
Questions? info@wink-kink.com Jayme or Jennifer 541-484-0519
• Connect with local singles
www.sportsmassageplus.net
Sports, Deep Tissue,
Myofascial for injury
1 block from
treatment, stress relief,
Matthew Knight
and chronic pain
Arena
LOVELY, CLEAR, COOL
Laughter,gentleness. Can walk/
talk at the same time. Bird
checkin for mate,wishing for sub-
stitutes till the real thing comes.
Dance with me slowlike, let what
unfolds unfold. open to out-
comes. 444alma, 55
LET’S GO HIKING!
I’m happiest out of doors. Liking
my life of creativity and friends,
but would sure like to add a
honey to the mix. Looking for
intelligence, humor, compassion
and creativity. magnolia, 63,
g
RELAXED, ADVENTUROUS
MUSICIAN
new ad in ew' s personals
you could win
movie passes
FUNNY CRAZY FUNNY
FROYO QUEEN
URBANSPACEMAN::
Hey,I am a funny guy that likes
everyone.Lets have fun. tomy-
2tone233, 47, g
Wow. Those eyes. That hair. And
the voice. I’ll definitely be getting
frozen yogurt again soon,
smashwee. -TH When: Friday,
March 30, 2012. Where:
Juicy Berry at Valley
River
Center.
You:
Woman.
Me:
Man.
#902421
YOU’RE THE ONLY FAILURE TO
OCCUPY IN MY HOME,REVOLTING
YOU WERE/ARE A FAILURE, I DON’T
GROW STONES, I THROW THEM,
BUT YOU’RE SO FUCKING DENSE ;
YOU ARE SPACED, MAN When:
Sunday, January
1,
20 1 2 .
Wh e re :
OCCUPYING $PACE IN
MY HOME. You: Man.
Me: Woman. #902414
3 MONTH STAND?
1907 Garden Ave., Suite 205, Eugene
place a
Eugene Weekly’s Local Dating Site
In Eugene for two months. Down
for anything from coffee dates to
all-night philosophical discus-
sions; walks in town to conquer-
ing mountains; thrift stores to
dumpster-diving; Bon Iver to
Skrillex. enkephalin, 20, g
SEXY, SWEET, INTELLIGENT
I like to give a girl her jollies.
Smart and sensitive. Looking for
temporary companionship such
as kissing cuddling talking and
whatever else that may lead to ;).
VirdingVeurrJoffursonr,
21
COOL BLACK BOOMER
Interesting man. Trim and fit.
Described as attractive. enjoy
walking,excercise, outdoor activ-
ities. Can easily learn new tricks.
Earthy/intellectual. Spiritual but
not religious. Passionate, tropi-
cal nature. Seeking independent
woman.Inner/outer beauty.
Peace. africa12949, 63
BROKEN, BEAT&SCARRED
I’m looking for a pretty, respect-
ful, warm-hearted girl looking to
find a meaningful relationship.
I’m done with games. Done with
lies. Done with drama. Be real or
dont bother. thestorm, 19,
g
THE GOOD LIFE
seeking strong, passionate com-
panion. herbsfriendly, 54,
g
Fulltime student, UofO, 29. Wants
someone who wants to make a
connection with a nice woman,
slowly. I do LOVE sex though so
maybe just don’t rush the inti-
macy. Lol! pokerchick29, 29
SUNNY CAMPUS ACTIVIST
541-484-0519
MUSIC AND BEACH
I am looking for an inshape
woman that likes art and music
of all types, new things and visit-
ing family and friends. Active
outdoor things such as kayaking,
hiking, etc.. bluemalt, 58
Free Will Astrology
a rancid, bat-infested cave at the base of the smoldering Sangay
Volcano, I was raised by the half-bear demon princess Arcastia. At the
age of 4 my training as a ninja shaman began when I was left naked
and alone next to a stream of burning lava with only two safety pins, a
package of dental fl oss, and a plastic bag full of Cheerios. My mission:
to fi nd my way to my spiritual home.” Now, Aries, I’d like you to com-
pose your own version of this declaration: a playful, over-the-top myth
about your origins that gives you a greater appreciation for the heroic
journey you’ve been on all these years.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Our ancestors owned slaves and
denied education to girls. What were they thinking? Time magazine
asked renowned historian David McCullough if there was anything
we do today that our descendants will regard as equally insane and
inexcusable. His reply: “How we could have spent so much time watch-
ing TV.” I’ll ask you, Taurus, to apply this same exercise on a personal
level. Think of some things you did when you were younger that now
seem incomprehensible or ignorant. Then explore the possibility that
you will look back with incredulity at some weird habit or tweaked
form of self-indulgence you’re pursuing today. (P.S. It’s an excellent
time to phase out that habit or self-indulgence.)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “I can’t tell if I’m dealing well with life
these days or if I just don’t give a shit any more.” I stumbled upon
that comment at someecards.com, and I decided to pass it along for
your consideration. You may be pondering the same riddle: feeling
suspicious about why you seem more relaxed and tolerant than usual
in the face of plain old everyday chaos. I’m here to tell you my opinion,
which is that your recent equanimity is not rooted in jaded numbness.
Rather, it’s the result of some hard work you did on yourself during the
last six months. Congrats and enjoy!
CANCER (June 21-July 22): What excites you, Cancerian? What
mobilizes your self-discipline and inspires you to see the big picture? I
encourage you to identify those sources of high-octane fuel, and then
take extraordinary measures to make them a strong presence in your
life. There has rarely been a better time than now for you to do this. It
could create effects that will last for years. (P.S. Here’s a further nudge
from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Every great and commanding movement
in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great
was ever achieved without it.”)
(July 23-Aug. 22): While browsing in a bookstore, I came across
a book and deck of cards that were collectively called Tarot Secrets.
The subtitle of the kit was “A Fast and Easy Way to Learn a Powerful
34
APRIL 5, 2012 EUGENE WEEKLY
LOST WOODEN DAGGER
You spent four dollars. Your son
left his wooden dagger. It looks
hand-made, thought it might be
special. When: Sunday,
March 18, 2012. Where:
Coburg Rd.. You: Woman.
Me: Woman. #902417
“Do you care about rising
tuition?” I told you I’m not a stu-
dent here (which is *mostly*
true). You liked my shirt. I liked
you! Walk through campus
sometime? When: Monday,
April 2, 2012. Where:
13th and University.
You:
Woman.
Me:
Woman. #902422
I gave my birthday to the LFCPP.
And wishes really aren’t my
thing. Thank you for always
believing in me. Even when I
don’t believe in myself. Love you
so... When:
Tuesday,
March 20, 2012. Where:
Where and when I can....
You: Woman. Me: Man.
#902416
LOWELL OVER-LOOK
Rough patches in the lake...
Skonky licks at the shore to calm
the
waves
When:
Wednesday, March 14,
2012. Where: my room.
You:
Woman.
Me:
Woman. #902411
TUESDAY @ TOSHI’S
You:Got food to go.Camo jacket
w/ beanie.Told me to have a good
day after catching me looking @
you
Me:
Brunette,green
hoodie,jeans & black boots. Too
shy to say Hello. When:
Tuesday, March 13,
2012. Where: Toshi’s
Ramen. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #902410
YOU ARE HANDSOME
Loving Lovable LOVED. Hopu
dont choose to numbly punish
yourself forever in pain. You’ve
such a beautiful being to share
with yourself/ the world. Thank
You for sexual healing journey.
When:
Sunday,
December 18, 2011.
Where: In My Heart/
Soul.. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #902409
ALLANN BROS 5TH
You: always with a friend, some-
times in uniform, sometimes not.
Down near door. Me: working on
my Mac,upstairs in the corner.
Share some caffeine? When:
Monday, February 13,
2012. Where: Allann
Bros. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #902408
12TH & ALDER
You were crossing 12th towards
11th and I yelled at you. You
turned around but I was already
g o n e. .yo u ( b r u n e t te,w h i te
shirt,regular pants and boots)
You were beautiful! When:
Tuesday, March 13,
2012. Where: Campus
12th and Alder. You:
Woman.
Me:
Man.
#902407
BY ROB BREZSNY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Please study this testimony: “Born in
LEO
LIBATION FOUNDATION
You: Adorable woman in teal polo
shirt, with hair in bun/pony tail.
YOu appeared to be with some-
one. If not, contact me. I think
you’re gorgeous! When:
Saturday, March 24,
2012. Where: Oak Street
Speakeasy. You: Woman.
Me: Woman. #902418
BIRTHDAY GIFT?
to the bijou art cinemas
WINK-KINK.COM
LAUNDRYMAT RIPOFF
don’t use the Coin-O-Matic laun-
dromat on 11th @ Almaden. most
machines are broken, they steal
your money, no attendant or
contact info for refunds. change
machine always empty. useless!
When: Friday, March 30,
2012. Where: coin-o-
matic laundrymat. You:
Man. Me: Man. #902419
Ancient Art.” I snorted derisively to read that claim, since I myself
have studied Tarot intensively for years and am nowhere near mas-
tery. Later, though, when I was back home meditating on your horo-
scope, I softened my attitude a bit. The astrological omens do indeed
suggest that in the upcoming weeks and months, you just might be
able to learn a rather substantial skill in a relatively short time.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Writing in The New Yorker, Joanna
Ravenna paraphrased German philosopher Nietzsche: “The best way
to enrage people is to force them to change their mind about you.”
I’d like to see you mutate this theory in the coming weeks, Virgo. If
possible, see if you can amuse and entertain people, not enrage them,
by compelling them to change their minds about you. I realize that’s
a tricky proposition, but given the current astrological omens, I have
faith that you can pull it off.
LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 1892, when Wrigley was just starting
out as a company, its main product was baking powder. Free chewing
gum was included in each package as a promotional gimmick. But
soon the freebie became so popular that Wrigley rearranged its entire
business. Now it’s a multi-billion-dollar company that sells gum in 140
different countries — and no baking powder. Maybe there’s something
like that on the verge of happening in your own life, Libra: What
seemed like the main event could turn out to be secondary, or what
seemed incidental might become a centerpiece. Is there something
you are overvaluing at the cost of something you are undervaluing?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Pe ople in intimate relationships are
hypersensitive to negative comments from their partners. Psycholo-
gists say it takes fi ve compliments to outweigh the effects of a single
dash of derogatory criticism. I’m sure the ratio is similar even for
relationships that aren’t as close as lovers and spouses. With this in
mind, I urge you to be extra careful not to dispense barbs. They would
be especially damaging during this phase of your astrological cycle
-- both to you and to those at whom you direct them. Instead, Scorpio,
why not dole out an abundance of compliments? They will build up a
reservoir of goodwill you’ll be able to draw on for a long time.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Researchers report that the
typical man falls in love 5.4 times over the course of his life, while
the average woman basks in the glow of this great mystery on 4.6
occasions. I suspect you may be close to having a .4 or .6 type of
experience, Sagittarius: sort of like infatuation, but without the crazed
mania. That could actually be a good thing. The challenging spiritual
project that relationship offers may be most viable when the two
people involved are not electrifyingly interwoven with every last one
of their karmic threads. Maybe we have more slack in our quest for
intimacy if we love but are not obsessed.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “I couldn’t wait for success,” said
rich and famous comedian Jonathan Winters, “so I went ahead with-
out it.” I love that approach, and I suggest you try it out. Is there any
area of your life that is held captive by an image of perfection? Con-
sider the possibility that shiny concepts of victory and progress might
be distracting you from doing the work that will bring you meaning
and fulfi llment. If you’re too busy dreaming of someday attaining the
ideal mate, weight, job, pleasure, and community, you may miss out on
the imperfect but amazing opportunities that are available right now.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): On Reddit.com, Kaushalp88 asked
the question, “What is the most badass thing that you have ever done,
but that other people weren’t impressed by?” Here’s his own story: “I
was at an ice cream shop. At the exit, there was a small raised step I
didn’t see. I tripped over it with my ice cream cone in my right hand.
The ice cream ball sprung out of the cone. I instinctively lurched my
left hand forward and grabbed it, but at the same time I was already
falling toward the pavement. I tucked my head into my chest and
made a perfect somersault, rising to my feet and plopping the ice
cream back in the cone.” I suspect you will soon have comparable
experiences, Aquarius — unusual triumphs and unexpected accom-
plishments. But you may have to be content with provoking awe in no
one else beside yourself.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Worry often gives a small thing a big
shadow.” So says a Swedish proverb. Can we talk about this, please,
Pisces? Of course there are real hazards and diffi culties in life, and
they deserve your ingenious problem-solving. But why devote any
of your precious energy to becoming embroiled in merely hyped-up
hazards and hypothetical diffi culties? Based on my analysis of the
astrological omens, now is a propitious time to cut shadows down to
their proper size. It’s also a perfect moment to liberate yourself from
needless anxiety. I think you’ll be amazed at how much more accurate
your perceptions will be as a result.
HOMEWORK: Do a homemade ritual in which you vow to attract
more blessings into your life. Report results at FreeWillAstrology.com.
Go to RealAstrology.com to check out EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO
HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.
The audio horoscopes are also available by
phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM