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Questions? info@wink-kink.com Jayme or Jennifer 541-484-0519
LET’S ENJOY LIFE
I would describe myself as a
woman with integrity. I’m looking
for a woman who loves the out-
doors, hates drama, loves to
make love, and loves to laugh.
Time2Live, 49
got an
account?
profile?
SEXY, SWEET, INTELLIGENT
Fulltime student, UofO, 29. Wants
someone who wants to make a
connection with a nice woman,
slowly. I do LOVE sex though so
maybe just don’t rush the inti-
macy. Lol! pokerchick29, 29
DIMENSIONAL SHIFT READY
Coast to Coast AM long time lis-
tener. Ready for the dimensional
shift. i love plants, animals, trees,
water, nature, humans, extrater-
restrials, beer. watch only a little
tv. conscious omnivore. Namaste.
q123robin, 56, g
3 MONTH STAND?
I like to give a girl her jollies.
Smart and sensitive. Looking for
temporary companionship such
as kissing cuddling talking and
whatever else that may lead to ;).
VirdingVeurrJoffursonr,
21
OPENING THE DOOR
Aries and Chinese Dragon; gen-
tle, honest, practical, 20 + years
sober, with kind morals, dry
humor and joy. Relaxed, some-
times colorful, evolving, strong
sense connections, love of out-
doors seeks same. 3Josey90,
59, %, g
FUN STARGAZING GARDENER
Open, fun, loyal 61 year old lady
seeks man with whom to share
adventures, travel, be romantic,
be creative, and see where that
goes. The sky’s the limit. rain-
bowmama, 61, g
get a free membership
to
COOL BLACK BOOMER
Interesting man. Trim and fit.
Described as attractive. enjoy
walking,excercise, outdoor activ-
ities. Can easily learn new tricks.
Earthy/intellectual. Spiritual but
not religious. Passionate, tropi-
cal nature. Seeking independent
woman.Inner/outer beauty.
Peace. africa12949, 63
MR OPPOSITE,MARTIAN
BIRTHDAY GIFT?
greetings earth girls! i am cur-
rently visiting this sector to
associate with your human
female culture. my species
needs information specifically
relating to your social
mores,habits of procreation and
recreation. drewski, 44, g
I gave my birthday to the LFCPP.
And wishes really aren’t my
thing. Thank you for always
believing in me. Even when I
don’t believe in myself. Love you
so... When:
Tuesday,
March 20, 2012. Where:
Where and when I can....
You: Woman. Me: Man.
#902416
QUIET HIKER ROCKER
To be completed. citizen-
communist, 25, g
MUSIC LOVER
LOVES MUSIC ,BIKE RIDING ,
CONCERTS , BBQS , GOOD TIMES,
HIKING
GOOD FRIENDS.
RADAR, 47
g
OLD FRENCHIE LOOKING
DES
I change everyday. Like a chame-
leon, i adapt to whats around me.
I’m also a Libra, and very true to
it :). Des, 20, g
i’m a walking paradox with no
head games ,i love sex and i am
a very good kisser and listener, i
care for the girl i meet ,i am vis-
ible. lepoetadisp_aru, 68,
g
YOUNG OLD SOUL
Oddities, oddities, oddities. Such
things we thrive on. What
doesn’t kill you simply makes
you stranger. Come see the
world through square eyes.
siberiancultist, 23, g
FUN AND QUIRKY
Love to laugh. Bit of a tech geek,
but very much enjoy being
social. looking for someone
share many fun times and con-
versations. living consciously,
and cuteness are a plus. deh-
geek, 25, g
Free Will Astrology
ARIES
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to a recent poll, God’s
approval rating has dipped below 40 percent for the fi rst time on
record. My research suggests the new low is due in part to a dispro-
portionate amount of dissatisfaction by those born under the sign
of Taurus. Can you fi x this please? If you’re one of the discontent,
please see if you can talk yourself into restoring some of your faith
in the Divine Wow. APRIL FOOL! The real truth is, I encourage you
to be skeptical in regards to all authorities, experts, and topdogs,
including God. It’s an excellent time in your cycle to go rogue, to
scream “I defy you, stars!” Be a rabble-rousing, boat-rocking doubter.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Photographer Darrin Harris Frisby
doesn’t think people should smile in photographs. He regards it as
“superfi cial and misleading.” In the greatest portraits ever painted,
he says, the subject’s gaze is almost always neutral, “neither inviting
nor forbidding.” Did Rembrandt ever show people grinning from ear
to ear? No. Did Vermeer, Goya, Titian, Sargent, or Velasquez? Nope.
Make that your guiding thought in the coming week, Gemini. Be a
connoisseur of the poker face. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, in the
coming week you will have more than ample reasons to be of good
cheer. You should therefore express delight extravagantly.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Back in 1835, a newspaper known as
The New York Sun resorted to an extreme measure in order to boost
readership: It ran a story about how the renowned astronomer Sir
John Herschel had perfected a telescope that allowed him to see
life forms on the moon, including unicorns, two-legged beavers that
had harnessed fi re, and sexually liberated “manbats.” If I’m reading
the astrological omens correctly, Cancerian, you temporarily have
license to try something almost equally as wild and experimental
to “boost your readership.” APRIL FOOL! I lied about the unicorns.
Don’t refer to cliched chimeras like them. But it’s fi ne to invoke more
unexpected curiosities like fi re-using beavers and sexually liberated
manbats.
MARCH 29, 2012 EUGENE WEEKLY
You: Adorable woman in teal polo
shirt, with hair in bun/pony tail.
YOu appeared to be with some-
one. If not, contact me. I think
you’re gorgeous! When:
Saturday, March 24,
2012. Where: Oak Street
Speakeasy. You: Woman.
Me: Woman. #902418
Straight, SWF, 55, happy, fun,
responsible, outgoing, seeks gal
pals to hang out with. I like mov-
ies, shopping, cooking, outdoor
stuff, dogs. Meridian, 55, g
LOOKING FOR FRIENDS
SWM, 47 years of age, 5’7”, 220
pounds, brown hair and green
eyes. never married, no children.
Am looking for SWF’s between 21
and 40 for friendship and possi-
ble dating. tallenlark63, 49,
g
LOST WOODEN DAGGER
You spent four dollars. Your son
left his wooden dagger. It looks
hand-made, thought it might be
special. When: Sunday,
March 18, 2012. Where:
Coburg Rd.. You: Woman.
Me: Woman. #902417
CHESHIRE STARQUEEN
Sweet Katie of Cutie, It was
ridiculous fun connecting* A
walk by the river soon? space-
man lost your # & hopes that u
see this =) Hugz & Snuggles
Sparklemuffin When: Friday,
March 16, 2012. Where:
Cowfish. You: Woman.
Me: Man. #902412
MILES AT MCDONALD
Drive-by Truckers playing
McDonald Theater. I was working
and your second concert ever.
We danced and you donated to
our cause. You didn’t ask for my
number. Coffee or tea? When:
Sunday, March 18, 2012.
Where:
McDonald
Theater. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #902415
PTARYNDACTYL
I’m sorry I’m not a hot hottie
posting an I saw you, but at least
it’s better than your crazy ex?
Miss you, friend. Xoxo,
TriSarahtops When: Sunday,
March 18, 2012. Where:
Not in Portland, sadly..
You:
Woman.
Me:
Woman. #902413
email
office@eugeneweekly
with your username and
we will hook you up so you can hook up
place a
new ad in ew' s personals
you could win
movie passes
to the bijou art cinemas
WINK-KINK.COM
541-484-0519
BY ROB BREZSNY
(March 21-April 19): A few months after America invaded
Iraq in 2003, soldier Brian Wheeler wrote the following to help us
imagine what it was like over there: “Go to the worst crime-infested
place you can fi nd. Go heavily armed, wearing a fl ak jacket and a
Kevlar helmet. Set up shop in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents
that you are there to help them, and in the loudest voice possible
yell that every Crip and Blood within hearing distance is a PANSY.”
As a character-building exercise, Aries, I highly recommend you try
something like this yourself. APRIL FOOL! I was just kidding. What
I just said is not an accurate reading of the astrological omens. But
this is: Get out of your comfort zone, yes, but with a smart gamble,
not a crazy risk.
30
LIBATION FOUNDATION
Looking for the woman who
wants to be serenely tucked
back into a high mountain valley
along a beautiful creek in
Northern Cal. with her man,
goats, chickens and rabbits.
StarrBeorn, 56, g
HONEST, CREATIVE,
TENACIOUS
BROKEN, BEAT&SCARRED
I’m looking for a pretty, respect-
ful, warm-hearted girl looking to
find a meaningful relationship.
I’m done with games. Done with
lies. Done with drama. Be real or
dont bother. thestorm, 19,
SURRENDERING INTO NATURE
WINK
or
KINK
LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22): In his documentary fi lm Prohibition, Ken
Burns reports on the extreme popularity of alcohol in 19th century
America. He says that the typical person over 15 years of age drank
88 bottles of whiskey a year. In light of the current astrological
omens, Leo, I suggest you increase your intake to that level and even
beyond. APRIL FOOL! I lied. It’s not literal alcoholic spirits you should
be ingesting in more abundance, but rather big ideas that open your
mind, inspirational sights and sounds that dissolve your inhibitions,
and intriguing people who expand your worldview.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A woman in Euclid, Ohio claims her
house is haunted by randy ghosts. “They have sex in my living
room,” Dianne Carlisle told a TV news reporter. “You can see the
lady’s high-heeled shoes.” I suspect you may soon be dealing with
a similar problem, Virgo. So consider the possibility of hiring an
X-rated exorcist. APRIL FOOL! The naked truth is that you will not
be visited by spooks of any kind, let alone horny ones. However, you
would be smart to purify and neutralize old karma that might still be
haunting your love life or your sex life. Consider performing a do-it-
yourself exorcism of your own memories.
LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In Karley Sciortino’s NSFW blog Slutever.
com, she announces that “this blog is intended to trick strangers
into thinking my life is more exciting than it actually is.” I highly
recommend you adopt that approach, Libra. Do whatever it takes
— lying, deceiving, exaggerating, bragging — to fool everyone into
believing that you are a fascinating character who is in the midst
of marvelous, high-drama adventures. APRIL FOOL! I wasn’t totally
sincere about what I just said. The truth is, your life is likely to be a
rousing adventure in the coming days. There’ll be no need to pretend
it is, and therefore no need to cajole or trick others into thinking it is.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Before you diagnose yourself with
depression or low self-esteem,” said author William Gibson, “fi rst
make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a-holes.” This is a
good time to check in with yourself, Scorpio, and see if Gibson’s ad-
vice applies to you. Lately, the jackass quotient seems to have been
rising in your vicinity. APRIL FOOL! I was half-joking. It’s true that
you should focus aggressively on reducing the infl uence of jerks in
your life. At the same time, you should also ask yourself rather point-
edly how you could reduce your problems by changing something
about yourself.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Do not under any circum-
stances put on a frog costume, go to a shopping mall, and ride
around on a unicycle while reciting erotic poetry in German through
a megaphone. APRIL FOOL! I lied. That wouldn’t be such a terrible
use of your time. The astrological omens suggest that you will be
visited by rather unusual creative surges that may border on being
wacky. Personally, though, I would prefer it if you channeled your
effervescent fertility in more highly constructive directions, like
dreaming up new approaches to love that will have a very practical
impact on your romantic life.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel
The Great Gatsby, Daisy Buchanan is stirred to the point of rapture
by Jay Gatsby’s silk shirts. “I’ve never seen such beautiful shirts
before,” she sobs, burying her face in one as she sits in his bedroom.
I sincerely hope you will have an equivalent brush with this kind of
resplendence sometime soon, Capricorn. For the sake of your mental
and even physical health, you need direct contact with the sublime.
APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It’s true that you would profoundly benefi t
from a brush with resplendence. But I can assure you that plain old
material objects, no matter how lush and expensive, won’t do the
trick for you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last December a woman in
Tulsa, Okla., made creative use of a Walmart. She gathered various
ingredients from around the shelves, including lighter fl uid, lithium,
and drain cleaner, and set up a meth lab right there in the back of
the store. She’s your role model for the coming week, Aquarius.
APRIL FOOL! I lied, kind of. The woman I mentioned got arrested for
illegal activity, which I don’t advise you to do. But I do hope you will
ascend to her levels of ingenuity and audacity as you gather all the
resources you need for a novel experiment.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Filipino man named Herbert Chavez
has had extensive plastic surgery done to make himself resemble
Superman. Consider making him your role model, Pisces. I hope he
inspires you to begin your own quest to rework your body and soul
in the image of your favorite celebrity or cartoon hero. APRIL FOOL!
I lied. In fact, you’d be wise to avoid comparing yourself to anyone
else or remolding yourself to be like anyone else. The best use of the
current cosmic tendencies would be to brainstorm about what ex-
actly your highest potentials are, and swear a blood oath to become
that riper version of yourself.
HOMEWORK : Life is a bitch and then you die. APRIL FOOL!
Here’s the truth: Life is conspiring to give you exactly what you
need, exactly when you need it.
Go to RealAstrology.com to check out EXPANDED WEEKLY
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