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FOUR LETTER WORD
OPEN AND DOWN
RECIPROCAL PLEASUARE
I want somebody who can hold
my interest, hold it and never let
it fall. A crazy angel with lips like
morphine. A lovecat longing to
fuck the pain away. LolliRott,
27, g , #104296
Hey there - poly-20 something
looking for someone who wants
to have fun. activist, enviro-type
but that not what this is about.
kinda vanilla but wanting to be
more. benji, 21, g ,
#106922
I am in a healthy poly-amours
relationship and I am looking for
women to please. I enjoy giving
as much as receiving. god-
desspleaser27, 27, g ,
#106899
AT YOUR SERVICE
I would like to meet someone
one on one discreetely,on nue-
tral ground without the distra-
tions of the daily grind. That way
I can get to know you, and your
desires!!! 14692012, 45,
#106894
Recently single father looking to
make up for lost time. Not rich,
but I’ll pay jester to your queen.
No hard drugs and no drama.
Let’s just take it easy.
KJBXTC, 37, #106921
CASUAL, GROUNDED, REAL
32, looking for a casual lover,
(younger?)...prefer a man, maybe
the rt woman. *Not* looking for
*just* a “kinky-fuck.” Expect
boundaries to be respected and
intimacy to evolve naturally.
Celeste, 32, #106915
HIGH SEX DRIVE
CLIT PLAY
KINKY SCORPIO SLAVE
A femme fatale by nature, the
scorpio in me will dominate any
weaker human. My desire is to
play with a dominant with balls
big enough to break me down.
NaughtyScorpio, 44,
#106891
i want to have the mind blowing
ultimate fantasy lived out, and
there are alot to be lived i hope
there is time for it all...
NaughtyNice, 47, g ,
#106898
im looking for a cute girl that is
very kinky and not afraid to
experiment a little. takoz8,
23, #106920
GREAT LICKER
Hello im a 42 yr old male thats
ready to try some new things.
g ,
leppro,
43,
#106908
LOOKING FOR SECRET
looking for an erotic adventure.
savage, 21, #106907
HAPPY LOVE DUDE!
PUSSOLOGIST
EXTRAORDINAIRE
PLEASURE TO PLEASE.
Silly sub in serious relat. looking
to satisfy her darker ambitions.
No sex, all sensual and power-
play. Into protocol, corporeal,
bondage, submission, trust.
Respectful, knowledgeable,
vicious domme desired.
SensualSub999,
24,
g , #106923
MRSHY PLUS IMAGINATION
Experienced Master seeks wor-
thy, sincere sub(s) for play and
limit-testing. You should be emo-
tionally mature, clean, motivated
and verbal/vocal. Attitude is
everything. Fulfill your fantasy in
a safe, sane manner.
LongJohn26, 56, g ,
#106926
I’m in a committed non-monoga-
mous relationship, and am look-
ing to make new friends! I have
led a pretty vanilla life, sexually,
but am looking to expand. Try
me! bobdobbs,
38,
#106904, g, HORNY AS
HELL
I LIKE TO MAKE FEMALES CUM
HARD AND IM GOOD AT IT.
tex727, 38, #106901
Frances
waxing specialist
LOVER4CANHANDLE
I’m into it all that is crazy and
wild. Looking for that special
women or couple that can show
me the swinging life and be my
teacher. Extremeley open mind-
ed. izzyta1987,
24,
#106887
KINKY SUB BIMALE
Attractive, outgoing, and open-
minded, bi, white male seeking
HWP couples. somewhat submis-
sive and wantto explore my sub-
missive side more. toys, oral,
porn, glory holes and wantto
explore more. Very open-mind-
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#106879
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WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
My husband is a very kinky submissive man. When we were dating, I found out that he
had been talking to multiple people online and that he had met up with a professional dom a
couple of times. I felt betrayed that he had done this all behind my back, even though I had told
him that I would be down with him seeing a dom. (I even offered to buy him a session for his
birthday!)
We got through it, and now our sex life is amazing. I tie him up, I lock his dick up, I dress him
up. All I ask in return is that he be honest with me about who he’s talking with online. Is that
unreasonable? I know he chats with “women” online as a “woman,” and I’m okay with that so
long as I’m made aware of it. But today I found pictures on his phone of his cock in the chastity
device I keep him in. He tried to lie but he came clean: He was chatting with a woman, it came
out that he was a man, and she wanted to see pictures of his cock in his chastity belt.
Why lie? Honest to God, if he would have just told me the day he sent the pictures that he
sent someone pictures of his cock, I would be okay with it! I also found another e-mail account
he never told me about that he’s using when he chats online as a woman. Again, no big deal!
But I was under the impression that he used just this one chat program for chatting! Why hide
it? My vanilla friends will be no help in this matter, and I feel pretty heartbroken. So I’m asking
you.
He Isn’t Telling Me Everything
Before I can respond to your question, HITME, I’ve gotta sacrifi ce a goat to the snooping-
is-always-wrong Gods, or the snooping-is-always-wrong jihadists will cut my head off. It’ll just
take a sec: Snooping is always wrong! You invaded your husband’s privacy! That was wrong!
WRONG!
Moving on …
Your husband hit the jackpot when he met you, HITME. There aren’t a lot of women out
there who would embrace — much less marry — a man with his particular collection of kinks.
You’ve been GGG and all you’ve asked in return is … total transparency and the immediate,
real-time disclosure of all outside fl irtations and contacts as they happen. Why can’t the kinky
ingrate honor this agreement? Only he knows the answer to that question, HITME, but I sus-
pect one of two issues is at play …
Your husband may be ashamed — he may have been brutally shamed in past relationships
— about the extent of his kinks and about just how much of his time and erotic energy his
kinks consume. You may be completely sincere when you tell him you’re okay with everything,
HITME, so long as there’s immediate and full disclosure. But he may fear that sharing the full
extent of his online activities will leave you feeling either squicked out or threatened. So he
downplays and minimizes, disclosing some but not all, because he doesn’t want to lose you.
If this is the issue, impress upon your husband that hiding shit from you represents a bigger
threat to his marriage than full disclosure ever could.
Or …
Having and keeping sexual secrets may turn your husband on, HITME, and having a secret
life could be another one of his kinks. Even if this is the issue, HITME, I think you two should be
able to come to mutually agreeable terms that accommodate both his desire to have a secret
and your need for full disclosure.
Here’s a potential compromise: He doesn’t keep anything from you, HITME, but he doesn’t
disclose in real time. So long as he’s not being unsafe or neglectful, so long as his online activi-
ties remain online-only, he can carry on fl irting and texting and pic swapping. But every few
months, you get to depose his submissive ass. You get to sit him down and ask him questions,
and he answers all your questions truthfully and opens up about any current secrets that your
questions didn’t uncover. This way, he can have all the erotic secrets he wants (he’ll just have
to make new ones every few months), and you can have the transparency you need (you just
won’t have it immediately). Good luck.
I’m a 29-year-old gay guy who’s not sure where to fi nd what I’m looking for. I’m turned
on by the idea of a dominant guy, but most of the guys I attract are pure vanilla. When I look
online at the fetish-friendly dating sites, most of the dom guys say shit like “If you have a list
of things you will and won’t do, you’re not a sub.” I want to give up control, but I don’t want to
be some guy’s “bitch.” Can there be dominance without degradation? Is a boyfriend who’s an
equal in life but in charge in the bedroom a unicorn? Where do I look?
Needs Include Controlling Empathy
The dominant boyfriend you’re looking for is out there somewhere, NICE, you just need to
keep looking. And remember: Sometimes, dominant boyfriends are made, not born. By which
I mean: Don’t rule out the vanilla boys you attract. A guy who likes you is gonna want to meet
your needs, sexual and otherwise. If you give a vanilla boy a chance, and if you’re honest about
what turns you on, you may fi nd that you awaken something in one of those vanilla guys that
was there all along — a little dominant streak — but would’ve lain dormant if it weren’t for you.
And you were right to run from those dominant tops who insisted that “true subs” don’t
have preferences, limits, or lists, NICE. Not even submissive guys who are into degradation and
being someone’s “bitch” should fall for — or submit to — that kind of crap.
PSDBMM
NO COVER
Savage Love
Your question last week from the guy who “stumbled over” his brother’s femdom sex
blog reminded me of a funny story: My little brother came out to my conservative-but-not-
particularly-religious Jewish parents in 1995. It was rough. Our parents refused to help pay for
my wedding because I insisted on inviting my brother and his boyfriend. Mom and Dad are now
rightly embarrassed by their behavior and they worship his husband. (It helps that my brother
married a doctor — some stereotypes are true.)
Last year, my parents found out that my older brother — their straight son — is kinky. A
vindictive ex hacked into his e-mail and sent a letter to everyone in his address book. Big bro
has a dungeon, his current girlfriend is his slave, he’s made BDSM porn. The e-mail came with
pictures no mother would want to see. Mom, completely distraught, called her gay son: “Why
can’t Josh have a normal relationship!” she cried. “Like yours!”
So far as Mom is concerned, her gay son is normal and her straight son is a freak. Is that
progress, Dan?
Brothers Done Shocking Mom
I don’t know if it’s progress, BDSM, but it’s hilarious. And I trust that you’re sticking up for
your kinky straight brother now just like you stuck up for your gay brother back in the day.
0Be sure to listen to me interrogate Ira Glass on the Savage Lovecast this week — when he’s
allowed to make fart jokes, he’s a whole new man: thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
@fakedansavage on Twitter
EUGENE WEEKLY FEBRUARY 2, 2012 31