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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I’m unemployed in Oregon and trying to come up with simple ways to make rent. My dear
wife and I would like your opinion on the legality of selling my teenage son’s sweaty gym
clothes online. It sounds rather skeezy, I realize, and I’m only half-joking here. If we had a non-
sexual website with pictures that weren’t necessarily of my son, would that be buffer enough?
Would this be seen as me whoring out the boy? He’s up for it — as long as he gets his cut — but
could I go to jail for this? He is 14.
Pimpin’ Out Real Teen’s Leftover, Acrid, Nasty Duds
HOT MOMMY
SHY BUTWANTS 2PLAY
I AM WANTING SOMEONE WHO
WILL FINGER AND TOUGH MY
PUSS. WHO WILL FUCK FOR LONG
PERIOD AT A TIME. NO LONG TERM
RELATION REQUIRED. what-
somefun, 38, #106528
20 yr old bi girl with a boyfriend
but I’m just lookin for a girl for
some fun. Kinda shy. Curious.
Love cuddles. Miss the womanly
touch. pandagirl, 20,
#106511
YES SIR?
FLEXIBLE-SUBMISSIVE- RED-
HEAD
Sub, looking to learn more about
BDSM and anything that teacher
would like to show me. Must be
physiologically dominant and
alluring too, as I am a feisty little
bitch. Bone_Mission, 25, ☎,
g , #106498
2 SEXY WOMEN
30’s black,bigbreasted&curvy.We
really enjoy giving erotic mas-
sages.30’s Italian,nice rack who
works with me.We work as a team
or solo.Tense? Need2 relax or
just looking for a happy ending.
g ,
Eclipse2,
31,
#106439
Looking for strange, intense
people who need the same kinds
of tension relief that I require.
No emotional attachments.
Intelligence is a must. FunBun,
24, g , #106488
BBW SWITCH
Virgin, looking for my first time.
Looking for dominant woman,
for one night. I prefer rough, and
some pain (especially neck bit-
ing). Curvy woman, who will
make me feel wanted. MJ218,
19, #106457
Bi BBW who has curves in just
the right places and all the con-
fidence to back it up. Looking
for fuck buddy/FWB. Would pre-
fer a sub male or dom female.
exit2eden, 25, #106385
CUTE, SEXY, ADVENTUROUS
I’m bored & tired of this vanilla
world. I like 2 get what I want &
please others. Live life to the full
extent of what you imagine &
what you want. DESIRE, 27,
g , #101108
I am a cute fun girl that is look-
ing for the same, for hot make
out sessions that could turn into
wild fun sex. I am very eager to
please!
girllover,
31,
#106451
SEEKING FUN FEMALE
CRAFYGIRL
I’m in a committed non-monoga-
mous partnership. Curious...
CraftyGirl, 28, ☎, g ,
#105791
UNIQUE, UNUSUAL,
UNCONVENTIONAL
I am happily married, but need a
girlfriend to cuddle, send flowers
and cards Im laid back really just
looking for an ltr. I am confident
in myself. friendlybigurl, 31,
g , #105250
$PPQFS
% &
4 * ( /
1 ) 0 5 0 (
3 " 1 ) :
FNBJMUPEE!FVHFOFXFFLMZDPN
PSDBMM
I WANT PLEASURE
QUIET OBSERVANT WILLING
I am not open minded, and I’m
quiet about what I want. I would
like a Woman who accepts that
I’m shy, and is willing to teach
me. Extremely Submissive.
TheNewestPlaything, 18,
g , #106552
HORNY STREET KID
Do you like dirty kids to do dirty
things to you ? I wann fuck your
brains out & eat your pussy,
interested?.std free safe sex
only. HornyStreetKid, 20,
#106548
MAKE ME YOUR’S
Hey I am 21 clean and athletic
with a nice body looking for
some adult fun down for about
anything let me know.
Rosko37, 21, #106543
ENJOY DADDY’S
PUNISHMENT
SEX POSITIVE NYMPHO
Impeccable hygiene is a must.
Intelligence preferred. Be sexu-
ally open, honest, and mature.
Into transvestites, groups, would
love to try a gang bang, into new
experiences. Sex positive, no
shame. I_want_it_all, 31,
#105142
Looking for a feisty little bitch
who is into slavery/BDSM or a girl
looking to be sexually punished
for just the littlest thing she has
done. Orgy’s and 3 some.
Kinky_Daddy,
50,
#106538
Frances
waxing specialist
541-510-5773
there’s nothing I can’t wax
barebodywaxingstudio.com
SATISFY YOUR FANTASIES!
NUDE
HOURS DAILY
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AUDITIONS
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Speaking parent-to-parent, PORTLAND, informing your 14-year-old son that there are per-
verts all over the internet who would be willing to pay him for his sweaty gym clothes wasn’t
the best idea. Whatever you ultimately decide to do with his sweaty jocks, shorts, and T-shirts
— and I vote for tossing them in the wash — dangling the money your son could make catering
to the desires of online pervs in front of him might inspire him to go into business for himself,
whatever you decide to do. So keep an eye on his internet usage, okay? As for the legal issues
…
“Selling a physical property — sweat — might be an issue,” said Chris O’Connor, a public
defender in Portland, Oregon. “Also, he could be [charged with] fraud and misrepresentation
for selling clothing he says is his 14-year-old son’s but isn’t.”
Even if no dissatisfi ed customers go running to the chamber of commerce, PORTLAND,
there are other potential problems. For instance, as your son’s sweaty gym clothes make their
way from his bedroom fl oor to the hands of underpants-huffi ng pervs all over the world, some
items would travel — via US mail or UPS or FedEx — through different jurisdictions. While there
may not be a statute in Oregon that you could be prosecuted under for selling his undies, Mis-
sissippi or Illinois or Vatican City “may have specifi c laws, too,” says O’Connor, laws that you
could be violating.
The biggest potential problem: Underpants huffers wanna know exactly whose underpants
they’re huffi ng. That means you’ll have to include pictures and biographical info on your
website, PORTLAND, and involving a minor — even a fake/buffer one — in what many police of-
fi cers, district attorneys, judges, and some sex-advice columnists see as a kind of gateway sex
work will quickly add arrest, prosecution, incarceration, crushing legal bills, and a lifetime on a
sex-offender registry to your current troubles. Even if the authorities can’t point to a particu-
lar law that criminalizes your home business, they’ll fi nd something to charge you with.
I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, PORTLAND, but I think you should come up with an-
other way to make rent.
Six months ago, my 17-year-old son told me that he was seeing [insert male name]. No big-
gie. What troubles me: My son and his boyfriend are “furries” and open about it. The boyfriend
is 18 and sweet, but he’s clearly the more dominant one. I’m worried that my son may not
know how to say no to him. Adding to my concerns: I found a dog collar in the kitchen with an
engraved tag with my son’s name on it. Dog collars seem like a heavy activity for a lad, Dan,
and today I noticed a bruise on his throat that’s the size of a collar buckle. How do I ensure he
is exploring safely without freaking him out?
Why This Fetish?
Go ahead and freak him out, WTF.
Your son is being open with you about his sexuality — openly gay, openly furred, openly col-
lared — and you shouldn’t hesitate to be open about your concerns. You won’t be able to talk
him out of his kinks, WTF, if they’re his kinks (and not, say, a teenage affectation), so focus on
the issues: power dynamics and sexual safety. Tell him it’s important that he be able to say no
to his boyfriend, and let him know that you’re there for him if he has questions or concerns or
needs a sounding board. Then ask him about the bruise on his neck. Dog collars are harmless
— lots of kids and kinksters wear ’em — but if he and his boyfriend are playing choking games
with that collar, and that’s where the bruise came from, that’s a very dangerous activity and it
has to stop immediately.
In your shoes, WTF, I would bark at the boyfriend about that bruise, too. Furry, schmurry.
It’s erotic asphyxiation that you should be worried about.
A friend of mine came out as asexual this week on his blog. A couple of questions:
1. Part of me wonders if this is a “real” orientation. Is this the result of some sort of trauma
or psychological stuff that could potentially be dealt with through a therapist? I realize that
sounds close to the whole “ex-gay therapy” thing, and of course I don’t want to go down that
path, but I guess it’s just hard for me to understand how someone can’t form a sexual connec-
tion with another person and still be 100 percent okay psychologically.
2. How do I react the next time I see this friend? Should I bring it up? Not sure about the
etiquette.
Does LGBT Need An “A”?
1. Asexuality, according to asexuals and the people who love (but don’t fuck) ’em, is a real
sexual orientation … or lack thereof. Usually. Because, you see, some asexuals do “experience
attraction,” according to Asexuality Visibility Network (www.asexuality.org), “[but] feel no need
to act out that attraction sexually.” So it’s an orientation. Or a disorientation. Or something.
But whatever it is, it’s for real.
“I’ve been where your friend is,” says David Jay, the founder of Asexuality Visibility Net-
work. “He wouldn’t have come out without spending a lot of time mulling it over, so respect
that he’s done a lot more thinking about this than you have. If he identifi es as asexual or
anything in the big wide spectrum, you should respect that, period.”
First, I agree 100 percent with Jay.
Second, it’s entirely possible that your friend isn’t really asexual, just as it’s possible that
I’m not really gay and Marcus Bachmann isn’t really straight. Your friend may have decided
to identify as asexual because he can’t deal with his sexuality or wants to opt out because he
fi nds the games required exhausting. Or he may actually be asexual. Whichever it is, you’re
not the sexual identity police. So long as your friend isn’t externalizing an internal confl ict and
making other people miserable in the process — à la Marcus Bachmann — your friend doesn’t
need to be confronted or rescued. (And for the record: No one is “100 percent okay psycho-
logically,” and not everyone needs sex and/or a romantic relationship to feel content and enjoy
life.)
2. “Hey, how’s it going.”
“Good, man, you?”
“Good. Did you see Rise of the Planet of the Apes?”
“Yeah — terrible.”
“And James Franco was never shirtless — what’s up with that?”
“You know, if you need tits with your science fi ction, you should check out Misfi ts on Hulu.
It’s like Lost before it went to shit. And it’s got tits — lots and lots of tits.”
“I’ll check it out — and, hey, I saw that blog post about you IDing as asexual. If that’s some-
thing you want to talk about, I’d love to learn more. But if it’s not something you want to talk
about, we can talk about other shit.”
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
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EUGENE WEEKLY AUGUST 25, 2011 35