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UNCORKED
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In Vino Veritas,
So Why So Sniffy?
Wise words for the would-be wine fan
E
veryone’s been there: It’s a special
occasion, so you’re sitting in a fancier-
than-normal restaurant, enjoying some
freshly cooked cioppino (or any other
expensive sounding seafood), when
some loud-mouthed wine “connoisseur” is ushered to
the table right next to yours.
Next thing you know, wine guy is perusing the
wine list and discussing the fact that he enjoys “dry,
full-bodied wines from the south of France,” or
something he hopes sounds equally impressive to his
date as well as every patron within earshot. This is the
same guy who eventually will call the waiter back to
the table and claim that his wine is “corked,” and that
he would like a replacement bottle. Most likely, he is
also the guy who has seen one too many wine-tasting
shows on the Food Network and now believes he
knows exactly what he’s talking about.
This guy is ill informed. Do not listen to this guy.
Words like “dry” and “full-bodied” are thrown
around all the time in the wine community, and to those
who are actually able to defi ne them, they are just sim-
ple vocabulary. The truth is, though, a lot of people are
BY ANDY VALENTINE
only making educated stabs at what these words actual-
ly mean. And it’s these same phrases that strike fear into
the hearts of newcomers who possess a genuine interest
in wine, as the risk of sounding uninformed seems too
high a price to pay for getting involved.
I’m here to tell you: Have no fear.
I, for one, had always thought that “dry” was indica-
tive of that cheek-clenching dry mouth sensation that
occurs quite often when drinking red wine — turns out
it just means “the opposite of sweet.” In fact, that puck-
ering sensation is caused by tannin — a low-weight,
astringent plant compound known for its bitterness.
I was lucky enough to speak face-to-face with
Boris Wiedenfeld of Sundance Wine Cellars (2441
Hilyard St.), and he informed me with great ease that,
despite all the scientifi c crap, the world of wine is not
nearly as complicated as it seems.
Breaking down the most enjoyable way to taste
wine is simple; it all has to do with employing four
of your fi ve senses. First of all, the way a wine looks
in a glass can give the drinker hints toward a number
of things, including the quality, intensity and age of
a wine. For example, if a red wine is bluish — that
is, closer to purple — then it is younger. If the wine
looks to be “cloudy,” then most likely it’s not of good
quality. A good wine should be translucent.
Now that you’re done looking at your wine, you
can smell it. There are a number of misconceptions
surrounding the smelling of wine — most of them
based on the idea that it is designed for something far
more complicated than its actual purpose. In truth,
people smell wine because it smells good.
“I’ll have people come in here for wine tastings on
Fridays, and they’ll stand there for the entire night just
smelling the same glass,” Wiedenfeld told me, further
indicating that sensual enjoyment should be the wine
taster’s primary concern. Smelling wine also can give
the taster some indication as to the complexity of the
wine — though that kind of thing can be reserved
for the boring, critical tasters and thrown to the side
whenever pleasure takes precedence.
Once you’re all done hawking whiffs of wine up
your nostrils, the moment everyone’s been waiting for
has arrived: It’s time to taste that shit.
Here’s the part of wine tasting where that guy from
the restaurant thinks it’s his time to shine; here’s where
words like “dry,” “full-bodied,” “fi nish,” “corked” and
“fruity” start fl ying around like linguistic shrapnel in a
wine-infested war zone. Don’t worry, the fun of wine
is not knowing every single one of these words and
using them as much as possible — it’s entirely sensual,
and no wannabe wine snob should be able to take that
from you.
The most enjoyable way to taste wine is to fi rst
take a sip and swish it like mouthwash. This helps to
build up the level of acidity in your mouth so the wine
will not be so out of balance when it’s fi nally sipped.
After waiting a little while, a normal sip can be taken
and enjoyed. Here, pay attention to the way the wine
coats your mouth, and also to the subtle fl avors. No
matter how each wine tastes, much of the fun to be
had is in spotting differences among the various wines
— relish this.
In case you’re wondering (and, like I was, you
probably are), a wine that’s “full-bodied” will simply
coat your mouth and throat more intensely. This has
to do with viscosity, and a wine’s “fi nish” is simply
determined by how long the fl avor stays in your mouth
after tasting.
“No one’s going to put ‘has a short fi nish’ on their
label,” Wiedenfeld told me before grabbing a bottle of
corked wine and showing me exactly how it smells.
If you think your wine is corked, chances are it
isn’t. If that asshole in the restaurant thinks his wine is
corked, chances are it isn’t. Corked wine smells like
wet cardboard wrapped around a log of Steven Seagal’s
shit — and I’m gonna go ahead and guess that it doesn’t
taste much better. Most people returning a bottle of
wine because it’s “corked” just don’t like the wine. “It
wasn’t what they were expecting,” said Wiedenfeld.
Wine tasting should be done entirely for personal
enjoyment. Now is the time to block out those knowl-
edgeable (or pretentious) winos and start fresh. Now is
the time to get involved, no matter how scary the vo-
cabulary is. Now is the time to become a wine fan. F
BORIS WIEDENFELD
WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM
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