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HOT BI-GIRL
EXUBERANT AND CURIOUS
LET’S HAVE FUN
lookin 2meet a hot, spunky, fun-
loving, punk/goth, pierced/tatted
girl- &a bit submissive, who
enjoys life... preferably between
the ages of ~19-29~ NO DRAMA,
NO
HARD
DRUGS/HEAVY
DRINKERS& DEFINITELY NO
DISEASES. Lellabel, 35, ☎, g ,
#105770
I’m 5’4” pixie-cut brunette with a
penchant for adventure and a
great smile. I am in a committed
non-monogamous partnership,
but hoping to branch out and
meet other poly-friendly folks.
g ,
gewilnian,
23,
#104721
As the saying goes...willing to try
anything once. I’m sure after a
few drinks we can figure this
out... Must be in good shape as I
am. feedingthemeter, 41,
#105913
ZOO WE MAMA!!!
I WANT PLEASURE
I’m bored & tired of this vanilla
world. I like 2 get what I want &
please others. Live life to the full
extent of what you imagine &
what you want. DESIRE, 27,
g , #101108
Looking for some one to hang
out with.I’m a big time stoner so
if your a stoner we could have a
good time. Mainly lookin for guys
20 to 26. Addy89, 21,
#105924
DISCREET FUN
i’m an attractive, single mom
looking for discreet fun...would
enjoy an attractive, dominant,
personality as i tend to 2 b more
submissive...send me a msg and
lets chat! Sammi, 43, g ,
#105766
WONDERING ABOUT YOU...
You: Post ads here. Me: Journalist
wondering what motivates you
to do so. Inquisitivewriter,
22, #105919
LOVE TO LICK
PANSEXUAL
I don’t know what I want and
that’s what I’m looking for to find
out what I want. krys-
tal2727, 19, g , #105900
SEX POSITIVE NYMPHO
Impeccable hygiene is a must.
Intelligence preferred. Be sexu-
ally open, honest, and mature.
Into transvestites, groups, would
love to try a gang bang, into new
experiences. Sex positive, no
shame. I_want_it_all, 30,
#105142
AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL
like to meet a woman who can
keep up with me in the sack! One
who likes to keep her eyes open,
and willing to explore and share
your
s ex u a l i t y !
GreyboyAllstar, 49, g ,
#105893
CRAFYGIRL
I’m in a committed non-monoga-
mous partnership. Curious...
CraftyGirl, 27, ☎, g ,
#105791
OPEN MINDED SEX
34 blonde blue eyes 5-10 clean
cut shaved hwp open minded
love sex easy going like to
please lookin for fwb want a
strong and exciting sexual
friendship. manxxx, 34, g ,
#105896
WILDNIGHTRIDE
I want it without any strings
attached. I know how to cook
delicious meals and love to share
‘em with my partner. Followed
after, I can play for hours. vik-
kie, 33, g , #105926
ORGASM GIVER
i’m looking for a long term fwb. i
hope we click outside of the
bedroom. would like to find
someone to spend time with and
have sleepovers. chink4u, 35,
g , #105917
SEXY BUSTY BABE
if ur clean and decent and inter-
ested hit me up. cgro2010, 31,
g , #105869
SUB NEEDS MISTRESS
Looking to fulfill a humiliation/
domination fantasy. I want a
mistress to dominate me, give
anal, mock, scold, make me her
human pet, and generally force
my submission. Owned85, 25,
#105882
ASS SECRET
Discreet or anonymous encoun-
ters. Bangerang7, 18,
#105878
Needing someone to show me
the ropes. Im not submissive just
new to this. littleone, 20,
#103646
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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I am a 23-year-old straight female. A year ago, I moved across the country after college
to live with my boyfriend of four years. He is in graduate school and is the only person I really
know here — I am working two part-time jobs, and my coworkers are either much older than
me or a very long commute away — so I have been hanging out with him and his friends in my
free time. I’ve developed a huge crush on one of his good friends, and I don’t know what to do
about it.
I feel really guilty about it, even though I haven’t acted on it and doubt anything would hap-
pen since I see this friend only when we hang out together in groups. I’m not sure if I should
tell either my boyfriend or the friend about this attraction because it would possibly (certain-
ly?) make my social interactions totally uncomfortable and I am basically friendless outside of
my boyfriend’s social circle. It’s hard to get over a crush you see all the time and haven’t been
directly rejected by. Any advice you could give me about how to approach this?
Uncomfortably Ogling Friend
Once in a great while, I donate the right to answer a Savage Love letter to charity. Grant
Thornley was the winning bidder in an auction last fall, and the money he spent for the dubi-
ous honor of giving advice in this space went to organizations that support neglected children
and the homeless. Grant is a Seattle-based career-management consultant, and what follows
is Grant’s advice for UOF:
“It’d be one thing if you’d said, ‘I’ve fallen head over heels in love with a friend of my boy-
friend’s; he’s my soul mate, and I’ll die if I am not with him.’ But you didn’t say ‘love,’ you said
‘crush,’ which to me is something that is both surmountable and surely not worth fucking up
more than one relationship.
“It’s intriguing, UOF, that you don’t give any indication of how things are between you and
your boyfriend right now. Obviously, you’re pretty committed — been together for four years,
moved across the country to be with the guy. Yet, despite this pretty serious level of commit-
ment, the primary negative outcome you see of admitting to your boyfriend and/or crush that
you have these feelings is that it would make your social interactions ‘uncomfortable’? You
don’t mention your boyfriend possibly being hurt, or perhaps screwing up his relationship with
your crush, or causing a rift between you and your boyfriend. You’re worried about uncom-
fortableness. It seems like you almost don’t care. I think there’s something else going on.
“You moved far from home — do you feel isolated? Do you feel bored and/or lonely? If your
boyfriend is busy in grad school, it could be that you’re also feeling neglected. Plus you’re
working two jobs — and even if they’re both part-time, that’s still a pain in the ass. I think it
might be that you’re just not feeling great about life in general right now, and this crush is
symptom of that. But acting on an impulse that could make things worse for everyone isn’t the
way to fi x any of this.
“If you’re friendless outside your boyfriend’s circle of friends, get some friends of your
own, forfucksake. If you’ve lived in that new locale for a whole year and have not met anyone
you could be friendly with, you’re not trying. Look for people who have similar interests,
whether it’s fi ne art, tea making, needlepoint, video games, rugby, animal husbandry, or what-
ever fl oats your boat.
“There’s a saying where I come from: ‘Don’t shit where you eat.’ Do not crap in the only
social circle you have right now, UOF. Walk the fuck away from this friend of your boyfriend’s,
and fi nd some friends of your own. Oh, and if you’re so VERY susceptible to crushing on a
friend of your boyfriend’s, it sounds like you and the boyfriend need to have a talk ASAP,
because you, my friend, are just not happy right now. Good luck.”
Thank you, Grant, for your generous donation and your well-written response … and now,
if you don’t mind, I’m going to jump down your throat:
Whenever a married/partnered/girlfriended/boyfriended person wants to fuck someone
who isn’t her spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend — when a technically unavailable person
fi nds herself crushing out on someone else — people insist that the crush has to be a symptom
of something. UOF, for example, wouldn’t be having this crush, Grant writes, if she weren’t feel-
ing neglected, unhappy, and isolated. By implication, people who are content at home — people
who aren’t feeling neglected, unhappy, and isolated — don’t have crushes.
I don’t mean to jump down Grant’s throat … or not just Grant’s throat. This is a point you
hear people — advice columnists, couples counselors, Drs. Laura and Phil — making all the time:
Married/partnered people who are happy at home don’t experience inappropriate or awkward
crushes on others. The eyes of happily partnered people — to say nothing of their genitalia
— never, ever wander. So if you’re having a crush on someone you’re not supposed to, well,
that must mean something is very seriously wrong with your relationship. It’s a symptom. Of
something. Something dire. Diagnose the illness, treat it, and you’ll be cured.
This, of course, is complete and total bullshit. Happily married/partnered/boyfriended/
girlfriended people have crushes on other people all the time. Not because we’re unhappy or
because there’s something wrong with us or because our relationships are somehow diseased.
It happens because — I hope everyone is sitting down for this — however attracted we are to
our spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends, other people are also attractive.
So it’s entirely possible that you have a crush on this guy, UOF, because he’s hot and
you want to fuck him, independent of your feelings for your boyfriend and/or his graduate
program. Crushes are normal, and our relationships — closed or open — would be less stressful
if we weren’t expected to go around pretending that we never fi nd anyone else attractive.
And our relationships would be more likely to survive the inevitable, normal, natural crushes-
on-others if we weren’t led to believe that attraction is a zero-sum game, i.e., that fi nding
someone else attractive means you must fi nd your partner less attractive.
All that said, UOF, while your crush doesn’t have to mean something, it still could. The
indifference you display toward your boyfriend’s feelings, which Grant rightly highlights, could
mean that your crush is the person you really want to be with. Sometimes, people meet the
people they wind up with under awkward, embarrassing, and painful circumstances. This could
be one of those times.
Help! I’m a 21-year-old female with a 20-year-old boyfriend. We’ve been together about
a year. Eight months ago, he was in a horrible accident, which left him without his left hand.
We didn’t have sex until after he was hurt. The sex is great, but he will only do it doggie-style,
which is fi ne, and he doesn’t do foreplay! Nothing! But he expects blowjobs and handjobs every
time we have sex! Is our relationship screwed? Every time I bring this up, he tells me he doesn’t
know what I want him to do. Hello! It’s not that hard!
Please Help Me
PRESENTS
A NIGHT OF HIP HOP & EXOTIC DANCERS
WITH PERFORMANCES BY
ENDR WON, STARBUKS, GUMS, L+A MU-
SIC, BAD NEWS TOOTH, DARC FEATHER,
BRAZEN THE SKEPTIK, THURO THE DON
JAN 26TH, 2011 9PM- 2:15AM 21+
NO COVER MON/WED $15 TABLE DANCES NO COVER
I’m not sure what his missing left hand has to do with … anything … but, um, here goes:
Take your one-handed boyfriend at his word, PHM. Chalk up the complete lack of foreplay —
lacking for you (it sounds like he’s getting plenty) — to his youth and inexperience, and provide
the direction he needs. He says he doesn’t know what to do. So tell him: a hand here, a tongue
there, this squeezed, that rubbed. If he can’t do as he’s told, tell him no more doggie-style, no
more blowjobs, no more handjobs, and no more girlfriend.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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EUGENE WEEKLY JANUARY 20, 2011 31