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¡ASK A MEXICAN!
BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO
SPECIAL SPANISH EDICIÓN
Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time get-
ting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natu-
ral ports, super-generous and good-looking neighbors and plenty of
laborers who seem to be willing to do all sorts of crappy jobs. But
instead of having a thriving economy and an embarrassment of abun-
dance like us whiteys, Mexicans have rampant poverty, pervasive sex-
ism and prejudice, grotesque corruption and drug wars. Mexico forces
so many of its residents to drag their butts up here and take all the
good jobs, like selling oranges and flowers on street cor-
ners. Is it because Mexicans blew their
dominant wad early with the Mayans
and Aztecs? Or is there some cultural
value that says you can only work hard
north of the Rio Grande? Or maybe
it’s the filthy, filthy Spanish blood?
¿¿¿Por qué, México, por que???
— Señor Whitey Gets it Done
Dear Gabacho: Your last point nails it. But
before I explain how, refry this, America:
when you get down to tachuelas de latón,
Mexico really isn’t that bad of a country. A
2006 World Bank study found it boasts the world’s
14th-highest gross domestic product rating, ahead of countries such as
Australia, Norway and Argentina (Guatemala, on the other hand, is número 69
— ¡toma, chapines!). The United Nation’s Human Development Index for
2007 report lists Mexico as 52nd amongst nations for standard-of-living — not
the best slot, but good enough to rank as “High” on the HDI. And have you
ever visited the Aztec pyramids? So inspiring!
I’m giving you an apologist answer, Señor Whitey, but only to make a point
about perspective. Why are there problems in Mexico? Same reason there are
problems anywhere: a host of razones ranging from economics to geopolitics to
religion and the penis size of males. Yet gabachos toss aside any consideration
of such salient factors when focusing on Mexico — because of a visceral reac-
tion to the Reconquista, sure, but I’d also argue due to the Black Legend, the
train of Western thought dating back to the Age of Discovery that views any-
thing the Spaniards touched as cruel, ungodly and forever a failure. So no mat-
ter how much Mexico improves, no matter how many wabs learn English and
attend college stateside, many gabachos will continue to dismiss Mexicans
with the same vitriol their European ancestors flung against Imperial Spain —
and if you don’t think centuries-old historical events influence the present, go
ask a Southerner about Sherman.
You recently called the Portuguese language a “bastard” language. I’m
currently studying Portuguese (I already took Spanish classes), and
the similarities are greater than the differences. So, senhor (“señor” in
Portuguese), can you tell us why the two languages developed differ-
ently? There doesn’t seem to be any apparent reason as to why the
two countries separated — they both make beautiful tiles, were invad-
ed by the Moors, make beautiful music, etc. — Senhora Marilena
Greenhill
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Dear Wannabe Portagee: No apparent reason? Puxa, menina (Spanish transla-
tion: ¡Dios mio, muchacha!; English translation: Are you that dumb, woman?)!
Spanish and Portuguese, though sharing the common roots of Vulgar Latin and
Mozarabic, began separating long before the languages we now call Spanish
and Portuguese even existed. The land now occupied by Portugal was the last
sliver of the Iberian Peninsula conquered by the Roman Empire, which called
the territory Lusitania. The region developed differently from the rest of
Rome’s Iberian territories, and subsequent invasions by Germanic tribes and
Moors culturally and linguistically influenced those proto-Portuguese in ways
not felt by the provinces that eventually became Spain. More crucially, they
consolidated under one king in 1139, centuries before Spanish nobles booted
out the Moors for bueno and the previously obscure dialect called Castilian
lisped its way to become the language known as ethpañol.
Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net Letters will be
edited for clarity, cabrones. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you!
Gustavo Arellano is an investigative reporter on staff at the OC Weekly in Orange County, California.
His "¡Ask a Mexican!" column began in 2004 and today is syndicated in 32 publications nationwide. He
is also the author of a book by the same name. An extensive interview with Arellano can be found in the
EW archives online for Nov. 29, 2007.
EUGENE WEEKLY
FEBRUARY 21, 2008 37