Abbreviations: A Asian • B Black • Bi Bisexual • C Couple • Ch Christian • D Divorced • F Female • G Gay • H Hispanic
HWP Height/ Weight proportionate • J Jewish • M Male • NA No alcohol • NAm Native American • ND No drugs • NS No smoking
P Professional • S Single • W White • Wi Widowed • ISO In search of • LTR Long-term relationship
Participants in Eugene Weekly Personals must be 18 years or older. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place and
participants should not divulge addresses. Eugene Weekly does not screen or investigate individuals who place or respond to personals ads and makes no representation
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A LOVELY LADY
ERIKA JEAN
FEMALE SEEKS BDSM
I saw you @ the U of O
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SUNDAY AT MARKET
BORED ARTIST
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Fellow Mckenzie River hiker.
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Funny girl who loves wine and
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☎ 2435
PRINCESS
TBBW
I’ve walked as slow as I could
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Beginning your 25th dance
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Thank you Mother Goddess for
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☎ 2433
BI-MALE SEEKS FUN
Single professional male early
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KINK-A-HOLIC
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Savage Love
WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
My two roommates are in the same frat. Roommate A and his GF have been going out for about
a year. Roommate A is a great guy, but maybe a bit too nice: Recently, his GF cheated on him and he
forgave her. Her infidelity did not come as a surprise to the rest of us. When she’s drunk, she acts
inappropriately. She gets touchy and says suggestive things—it’s way beyond friendly flirting.
Anyway, Roommate B came into my room the other night and confessed that, a week or so
before Roommate A’s GF cheated on him, she propositioned another member of his fraternity—let’s
call him OG (Other Guy)—while Roommate A was away. Before she started going out with Roommate
A, GF and OG fucked. So she ran into OG that night and flat-out told OG that she wanted to fuck him.
OG refused, to his credit, and relayed the story to Roommate B, but swore him to secrecy.
Is it my place to tell Roommate A about his GF’s behavior? I don’t know OG well enough to tell
him to tell Roommate A, and Roommate B won’t tell Roommate A. Everyone agrees that it’s a
fucked-up situation. I mean, no one really knows how many times GF has fucked around on my room-
mate. What’s your take?
Friend Really Over Strumpet’s Treachery
All you’ve got, FROST, is hearsay—what Roommate B told you about what OG told him about
Roommate A’s GF—and hearsay isn’t admissible in court. But this isn’t a trial, it’s a friendship, and
sometimes friendship requires us to pass along hearsay and/or highly credible gossip.
What’s that lovely saying that sometimes drops from the oh-so-fuckable mouths of frat boys? Oh,
yes: Bros before hos. Usually I find that phrase offensive and misogynistic, FROST, but in this
instance it applies.
Tell Roommate A what you know. If his GF is making passes at everything on campus with a cock,
Roommate A has a right to know for his own health and safety. His GF also needs to learn a valuable
lesson: She’s got to set up her cheatin’ game—fuck people outside of her boyfriend’s social circle, for
starters—if she intends to cheat on all the men she’s with over the course of her life. Getting her ass
dumped for sloppy technique in college will help her get her cheating act together by the time she
marries some poor bastard.
And finally, FROST, there’s a chance—an outside one—that Roommate A already knows and does-
n’t care, either because he and GF have an open relationship or he’s turned on by his girlfriend
“cheating” on him. If Roommate A doesn’t dump his GF after you break the news, FROST, you’re not
obligated to inform him about any other trouble his GF gets into. Rest assured, she’s telling him all
about it while he fucks her senseless.
I’m in my mid-20s and recently started sleeping with a coworker who is in his late 40s. The sex is
incredibly hot, but last time I spontaneously called him “Daddy,” and then he started in with “You’ve
been a very bad girl” stuff—and it really turned us on. Afterward, we were a little freaked by the idea that
we were basically evoking the image of a father abusing his daughter. Is this as creepy as it seems?
Phreaked In Phoenix
The power imbalance built into an affair with a much older coworker weighed on both your minds
until—ta da!—out popped daddy/girl stuff while you were fucking. So do you want to fuck your actual
dad now, PIP? Does he want to fuck his actual daughters, if he has any? If the answer to both these
questions is “no,” then this isn’t a problem. Remember, PIP: He’s not your daddy; he’s a daddy.
For four years I’ve been dating a gal who is freaking amazing in almost every way. The other 10
percent of the time she’s the worst human I’ve ever met: super-violent, super-dishonest. (She tells
our friends that I beat her to cover up for her violence toward me!) I’ve tried communicating, but she
gets angry if I try to talk about it. I know I can either accept it or break up with her, but I was hoping
you’d have a better answer. Any ideas? She’s far superior to most humans I’ve met in every other
regard and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Sick Of Getting Beaten Up
Break up with her now, SOGBU. Or, fuck, spend the rest of your life with this monster if she’s that
wonderfuckingful—but go in with both (black) eyes open. Being with her means being abused. You
would be a fool to stay with her, under the circumstances. But it’s your call, fool.
Oh, and a woman who will tell your friends that you beat her will one day tell the same lie to the
police, SOGBU. Just so you know.
A while back, I discovered my fiancé was having an affair, so we broke up. Maybe I should have
laid down specific ground rules when we got back together, but I still felt betrayed when I found out
that he was in regular contact with the Other Woman. I avoid social gatherings that I know the Other
Woman will be at, but my fiancé goes without me. He knows I hate it, but he guilts me about not
trusting him. I’ve even seen her name in his e-mail inbox. (I wasn’t deliberately spying—we share the
same computer.) Am I wrong to feel insecure or is my fiancé being insensitive?
Going On Paranoid
Your fiancé cheated, GOP, so the onus is on him to avoid, within reason, doing things that make
you feel insecure. Hanging out with the OW, e-mailing the OW, chatting with the OW at parties—he
shouldn’t be doing any of that crap out of simple consideration for your feelings. If you’re going to
marry him, you have to forgive him and trust him. But he has to avoid doing things that give you
more cause to mistrust him than he’s given you already.
And, finally, he has the nerve to guilt you? He sounds like a manipulative, selfish jerk, GOP—which
are the warning signs of a habitual, serial cheater. Are you sure you wanna marry this douche?
Your recent columns about men, women, weight, attraction, and honesty were incredible. As a
strong feminist, I know women overwhelmingly bear the brunt of sexism in our society, but I feel
that the ways that sexism affects men, and how this code is maintained by social relationships
between other men as well as women, are often marginalized. Sexism affects us all in some way and
this week’s column did a nail-on-the-head job showcasing how all men are negatively affected by
sexist patterns. Understanding and accounting for gendered interactions between all people helps
undermine patriarchy because the roles we as a society impose on one of the two hegemonic sexes
are diametrically opposed in the other. Great job.
Feminism Is Great Healthy Thought
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, FIGHT, but thanks for sharing. For more letters
about men, women, weight, attraction, and honesty go to www.thestranger.com/savage/hard2.
Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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DECEMBER 13, 2007 55