FROM ME
YOUR DARK ANGEL
SWING PARTY
What do you think about dog
walks and kickball as a start?
☎ 1461
SBIM, 6’2”, 21,slender, effemi-
nate, intelligent, Goth hottie
ISO sexy, fit, kind, confident,
unattached 20-30 Eugene
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☎ 1512
We are an attractive couple
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LOOKING FOR SUGAR
DADDY
Big girls, fat girls, plump girls,
plus size girls, whatever you
call yourself, must love sex and
lots of fun! Hairy girls a plus!
☎ 1435
BFFM SUPPORT GROUP
In pursuit of “ridiculously low
body fat percentage”. Rock
climbing, running, skiing &
mountain biking. Following
Tom Venudo’s book “Burn the
Fat, Feed the Muscle”
approach. ☎ 1408
Want excitement? ISO tradi-
tional arrangement. Must be
financially secure and very
generous. I’m honest, sexy and
sweet as candy. ☎ 1467
TO YOU
Where do we begin to and how
do we begin to be friends
again? Got any ideas? I’m open
to suggestions. ☎ 1400
CARE TO WATCH OR...
Couple, 40’s, ISO others for
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only. Clean, friendly, and dis-
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respectful. ☎ 1466
FRIEND FOR HIKING
ISO outdoor companion to
explore the wilds of Oregon
this summer. ☎ 1281
HOT SUMMER FUN
Hot couple ISO fun lady.
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Don’t be shy, go out and expe-
rience life! ☎ 1463
HIGH LIBIDOS?
GRANDFATHER CLOCK
Man, 40, hears mythical
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libidos who are looking for
part time fun. Have not found
one in these parts yet, but
would like to. ☎ 1462
ISO 24-29 Females to please.
My 13” gear wants to turn
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Machinery is well oiled and
ready to strike midnight. ☎
1522
PRACTICE PARTNER
WEN-WEN-WEN
M ISO W for rope bondage
practice. No sex or full nudity
required. ☎ 1459
I miss you oh so very much,
wish things were different
honey...Luv u, miss u! ☎ 1482
I LUV BIG GIRLS
CLEAN AND DISCRETE
MWM, 30’s, tall, heavy set,
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mtgs. of fantasy and explo-
ration. Must be clean and dis-
crete. ☎ 1414
BITCH B GONE
Fifi you are barking up the
wrong bee tree. Get your
honey somewhere else or
dis homebear is gonna bite!
☎ 1407
THE RIGHT WOMAN
Couple, late 30’s. Him: 6’2”,
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female for fun, friendship,
and possible LTR with right
woman. ☎ 1401
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☎ 1283
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MADISON
I’ve got a confusing issue with my girlfriend. Our relationship was going great until I caught
her having an emotional affair via MySpace. She swore to never hurt me again. Well, I recently
found out that she posted an ad looking for NSA sex. She responded to several people who
contacted her. When confronted, she encouraged me to look through her e-mail, to prove her
innocence; but her e-mail proved her guilt. There was tons of evidence that she had been plan-
ning an affair—naked pics in her e-mails, contact information, pictures of guys. She says she
doesn’t remember doing any of these things.
My girl has told me that she is bipolar, obsessive-compulsive, and has mental ailments. She’s
been on meds since she was 12, but I never knew to what extent until now. She’s on four differ-
ent meds. I’ve since found out about lots of other lies she has been perpetuating since the begin-
ning of our relationship. She claims to remember nothing. Is it possible that the drugs could
cause her to selectively forget things? Could her conditions and the drugs she’s on cause this
kind of amnesia? Or is my girl just a liar?
Duped By The Dope
Low-down dirty liar, victim of drug-induced amnesia; low-down dirty liar, victim of drug-
induced amnesia… does it really matter which it is, DBTD? Because here’s what we know for sure:
Stay with this woman and you’re going to be lied to, cheated on, and manipulated. Does it make
it better if she can point to her meds and claim that the possible side effects—“drowsiness,
blurred vision, erections lasting more than four hours, selective memory, serial infidelity”—made
her post those ads, send those pictures, and fuck those other dudes?
So the question you need to ask yourself, DBTD, isn’t, “Did the drugs make her do it?” but, “Am
I willing to put up with this crap?” I think we both know the answer to that question: DTCMFA.
I’m a single straight guy who really enjoys performing oral sex on women. A few years ago, I
experimented with coke and Ecstasy. The combo made me incredibly horny, but I couldn’t get an
erection—so I gave girls head for hours and loved every second. Now, I find myself seeking out
escorts. I pay them to lie back and let me eat. It’s even better if the girl is nonchalant about it—
sending text messages, doing my blow, and drinking champagne while I eat. I lose control and
bury my face in muff for hours. Why does this turn me on? How do I stop? What’s this about?
Worried Over Oral Fixation
I scoured the Partnership for a Drug-Free America’s website, WOOF, but cunnilingus isn’t list-
ed as one of the possible side effects of mixing coke and Ecstasy. Still, I’m relieved my blow-and-
roll days are behind me—I wouldn’t want to wake up from a drug-induced blackout with my face
buried in muff.
While the side effects you’ve experienced haven’t made PDFA’s website, I’m nevertheless
required to say that Drugs Are Bad. Some, in fact, are badder than others. According to American
Scientist, the dangers posed by various recreational drugs are best measured by the ratio of
effective dose to lethal dose. (Effective doses get you high; lethal doses kill you dead.) Two of the
most toxic recreational drugs out there—heroin and GHB—are lethal at five and eight times their
effective doses, respectively. The cocaine and Ecstasy you’re using are slightly less dangerous,
WOOF, with lethal doses 15 and 16 times their effective doses, respectively. But the deadliest drug
you’re abusing is champagne. A lethal dose of alcohol is just 10 times its effective dose. So in the
interest of the health and safety of the escorts you’re eating out, I urge you to pour out the
champagne and set out more blow.
As to your questions…
Why does this turn you on? Because it does.
How do you stop? You stop.
What’s this about? Two hundred bucks an hour, I’d guess, not including the drugs.
I am 33 and my sister is 40. We are only half brother and half sister, as we have different
fathers. A week ago, my sister was massaging my back. Then she started rubbing her hands over
my chest from behind. I thought, “Um, okay, no big deal.” Then she started giving me little kisses
on my neck. Then she kissed me on the mouth. No big deal, right? Brothers and sisters some-
times do that. But THIS time she French-kissed me.
Growing up, I heard, “Your sister is hot, blah, blah, blah,” from my friends. But I never looked
at my sister that way. After we kissed, she pulled back and said, “This isn’t right; we’re not in
fuckin’ Kentucky.” I’ve talked to her a few times on the phone since that night. She keeps bring-
ing up what happened and saying it’s not right. I told her I agreed, it wasn’t right.
But I liked it, Dan. Am I some sick fuck? Are we both sick fucks? I have no idea if anything
will happen again. But I know my sister. A bit of her history: married and divorced three times,
three kids, all raised by their fathers. She’s also an alcoholic: Could that have something to do
with this?
Fucked Right Up In The Southwest
Alcohol: deadlier than cocaine and Ecstasy—and mescaline, roofies, peyote, and pot (which has
no lethal dose)—and it’ll make your half sister stick her tongue in your mouth. Eesh.
Okay, FRUITS, the reason your sister keeps calling to say, “It’s not right,” is because she’s
waiting for you to say, “I know it ain’t right, Sis, but let’s do it anyway.” She wants you and she’s
using reverse seduce-ology to get you. (“Eww! Gross!” “Yeah, gross!” “Yeah… pretty gross.” “But
kind of hot for something so gross, huh?” “Yeah… do you wanna try it? I mean, just to see how
gross it is?”)
If it were possible for you to have sex with the half of your half sister that you aren’t related
to—the back half, maybe, or the top half—you might get my unambiguous, if slightly nauseated,
blessing. But as that’s not possible, FRUITS, I’m going to urge you to deflect your sister’s clumsy
attempts at reverse seduce-ology—and for you to encourage her to smoke pot instead.
Confidential to Beth Ditto: In New Musical Express you’re quoted as saying, “If there’s any-
one to blame for size zero, it’s not women. Blame gay men who work in the fashion industry
who want these women as dolls.” That’s bullshit. If you want to blame something for size zero,
Beth, blame cheap and abundant food. When food was scarce and most poor suckers were
starving to death, fat bodies were the beauty ideal and skinny girls were oppressed. Now that
food is plentiful and most dumb motherfuckers are eating themselves to death, skinny bodies
are the beauty ideal and fat girls are oppressed. File it under “What goes around, comes
around.” But take heart, Beth: Food may soon be scarce again, thanks to climate change, and
fat girls will rule the runways.
And, Beth, if gay men had the power to dictate beauty ideals to impressionable straight men,
we wouldn’t order boys to lust after women—big or small, dieting or diabetic. We’d order them to
lust after cock, Beth—big and small, dockable and undockable.
Do you want to
place a personals ad?
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JUNE 7, 2007 47