May 14, 2005: Sharon and Becky Flynn proudly announce
the birth of their daughter Hailey
Heart as well as in the PeaceHealth Nurse Midwifery
Center. In the spot marked “father,” Sharon wrote
Becky’s name and replaced the word “father” with
“other mother.” The Sacred Heart staff person told
Sharon that she wasn’t sure the R-G would print both
mothers’ names. They called the paper and learned that
because Becky wasn’t a biological parent, the paper
wouldn’t print her name; instead, the announcement
would read “May 14, 2005 Flynn – Sharon Flynn, of
Eugene, a daughter.” No Becky, as if she hadn’t been
there when Sharon got pregnant or during the nine
months of waiting. As if she wouldn’t be the one stay-
ing home to take care of Hailey during the first year of
Hailey’s life. As if she wasn’t a parent. Of course, the
person talking to Sharon said, the paper could print the
name of the sperm donor as the father. Outraged, the
Flynns refused.
Kari Kenzie’s name,
like Becky Flynn’s,
wouldn’t be listed
because she wasn’t
a biological parent.
Maters
or
Paters
Familias?
Same-sex parents want their props from The Register-Guard
BY SUZI STEFFEN
B
ecky Dinwoodie and Sharon Flynn
were waiting for a plane in the
Denver airport in late 1997, return-
ing
home
from
visiting
Dinwoodie’s parents. They started
playing Scrabble on the floor. This attracted the atten-
tion of several young children, and the kids came over
to see what was up. “There was one little girl who did-
n’t even know how to spell,” Dinwoodie says, “and
Sharon told her, ‘Here, take some letters, I’ll help you,’
and it was right then I knew that I wanted to have chil-
dren with this woman.”
They waited until Dinwoodie finished law school
and Flynn finished her medical residency, and they
looked for jobs in a “gay-friendly community.” In
Vermont, they celebrated a civil union; they held a cer-
emony in Massachusetts, and Dinwoodie took Flynn’s
last name. “We knew we wanted a family, and we did-
n’t want anyone to think that one mom was the real
mom and the other was just someone the real mom was
dating,” Becky Flynn explains.
They moved to Eugene, where Becky had done
some grass-roots organizing for the Human Rights
Campaign in 1996. “We were looking for a place to put
down roots,” Becky says, and what they’d heard about
14 DECEMBER 21, 2006
Eugene’s progressive, university town atmosphere
impressed them. Plus, they’re both runners, and the
Track Town image proved irresistible. Sharon started
working at Sacred Heart Medical Center, and Becky
clerked for the Oregon Supreme Court. They bought a
house. And Sharon’s biological alarm clock went off.
“We talked about adoption,” Sharon says, as their
daughter climbs over her lap in their College Hill
house. Becky says, “But Sharon just really wanted to
be pregnant!” Becky’s cousin stepped up as a donor so
that Sharon and Becky’s child would share genes with
both sides of the family, and they drafted a contract so
he signed away parental legal rights or obligations.
“We were very fortunate; I got pregnant the first time
we tried,” Sharon says. And for the months of Sharon’s
pregnancy, everyone from birthing class peers to the
nurses at Sacred Heart treated them just like any other
pregnant couple. Becky says, “We felt really embraced
by the community.”
Hailey Flynn was born on May 14, 2005, a couple
of days after Sharon was induced. And a staffer from
Sacred Heart asked Sharon to fill out the paperwork for
The Register-Guard to put Hailey’s birth announce-
ment in the paper. That’s standard procedure at
McKenzie-Willamette Medical Center and Sacred
“Everything up to that point had been wonderful,”
Sharon says. But the R-G’s policy hit her hard: “I
couldn’t stop crying and crying,” she says. The story
grew as the Flynns found other women and adoptive
parents who felt burned by the policy as well. As
Sharon went back to work and Becky stayed home to
raise Hailey, they kept on trying to get the response
they wanted from Dave Baker, the managing editor of
the R-G. Eventually, they took their complaint public
and spread the word in the local LGBT community
through Rainbow Rascals, a group for same-sex par-
ents and their kids. They didn’t know that the issue
wasn’t new, but they learned quickly that same-sex
couples had known — and complained — about the
policy for years.
In 1992, Karm Hagedorn and Sheryl Bernheine had
been trying for a while to have a child. “Sheryl kind of
wanted to be pregnant,” Hagedorn remembers. They
finally met someone who knew a good, local donor,
and Bailey Bernheine was born in November at Sacred
Heart. Hagedorn, who grew up in Eugene and had been
involved in the lesbian community for a long time, says
that despite the fact that she and Bernheine were one of
the first local lesbian couples to have a child, they had
already heard about the policy at the R-G. So instead of
crossing out “father” or writing in “other mother” or
“also a mother,” Hagedorn simply wrote her name in
the “father” space. “[The name] Karm was different
enough that nobody blinked,” she remembers, “or if
they did, they blinked in the right direction.” The birth
announcement carried both Hagedorn and Bernheine’s
names. But as the Flynns learned, other couples both
long ago and more recently had not been so lucky.
Adelka Shawn and Alicia Hays had their son
Jackson in December 1993. Without calling the par-
ents, the paper omitted Shawn’s name when they print-
ed the birth announcement for Jackson although,
Shawn says, the envelope containing the congratula-
tions and copies of the birth announcement came
addressed to both of them. Local LGBT activist Sally
Sheklow wrote a letter of complaint to the R-G for
Shawn and Hays. And when Caleb Donahue’s parents,
Chris and Anne, had him at the PeaceHealth Nurse
Midwifery Center seven years ago, they didn’t even