BY ROB BREZSNY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): It’ll be a
Cleaning
EFFICIENT HOUSECLEANING with refer-
ences. $15/hr. 341-1408.
I START with the ceiling and end with the
floors and somehow, everything in between
gets really clean. 20 years experience.
References. Call Niki at 485-7666.
BRILLIANT cleaning from top to bottom.
Efficient, gentle, thorough perfectionist.
Enthusiastic ref. avail. Call 653-0881.
METICULOUS HOUSECLEANING. Thorough,
efficient and trustworthy. Also odd jobs,
hauling, junk removal. Heather 343-4673.
FULL CIRCLE housecleaning plus by former
professional Exec. Asst. Personalized and
detailed home care and “executive” assis-
tance for your busy life. Debbie West, 554-
8454 or 302-1811. Bonded, refs.
Feng Shui
Hot Tubs/Pools
SPA, NEVER used. Many jets. Therapy seats,
loaded. Still under warranty. $2,750. 503-
566-7452.
Misc.
LONELY MASSAGE TABLE seeks new situa-
tion. Stronglite Premiere massage table,
adjustable face rests, carrying case, bol-
sters. Excellent condition, collecting dust in
corner, needs more active lifestyle. Asking
$500. 541-672-2141, Roseburg.
TV
FREE 4-ROOM DIRECTV SYSTEM includes
standard installation. 3 months free HBO
and Cinemax. Access to over 225 channels.
Limited time offer, S, restrictions apply. 1-
800-877-1251. (AAN CAN)
UPRIGHT OR electric bass player wanted
for rockabilly project, have touring and
recording connections. Manny 541-736-0155.
COLLABORATORS WANTED, 8-bit, reggae,
dub, electronica. See zbox.com/dubblehelix
or call 913-9043.
Lessons
AAA PIANO: Classical to Jazz! Entertaining
teacher, performer. 22 years exp. All ages,
levels. Your home. Mark 461-2132.
MUSIC INSTRUCTION. Lessons in voice,
piano, flute. Professional musician-teacher.
Your home or my studio. 686-2469.
VOCAL INSTRUCTION with U of O graduate
Thomas Trent, DMA. Beginners to advanced.
Reasonable rates, call 688-7655.
Recording Studios
VAULT STUDIO, Professional audio record-
ings and productions. Fair rates. In house
musicians. www.vaultstudio.net, 344-5747.
BAD FURNITURE Day? Make other arrange-
ments. Call American Master of Placement,
Andrew Durham, for free consultation. 710-
1952.
Maintenance/Repair
REMODEL, HOME Repair, counters, flooring,
kitchen, bathroom. New and repair.
Painting. 729-8961. CCB#82441.
Painting
CUSTOM QUALITY HOUSE PAINTING by
ArtTrek. Interior, Exterior. Restoration. Faux
Finish.
Sterling
and
Ruth.
www.arttrekinc.com 683-0626. ccb#62677.
Yard & Garden
DANDILYON FALL gardening. Consultation,
design, weeding, mulching, bed prepara-
tion, regular maintenance, mowing, haul-
ing. Always organic. Barb or Jill, 683-4464.
THE TRAVELING GARDENER, Ladonna.
Tending your yard as though it were my
own. Weeding, winter prep, maintenance,
lawn care, clean-up. 726-7071.
bumper car kind of week, Aries. As long as you
stick to the designated course, you can expect
lots of thuds, jolts, and caroms that won’t hurt a
bit. In fact, most of them will actually be fun even
as they knock some sense into you. That’s why
you have cosmic permission to raise your normal
quotas of raucous laughter, boisterous horseplay,
and madcap adventures. For extra credit, sprinkle
wacky accents and silly voices into your conversa-
tions.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): For two
years running, Little Yellow Jacket has been voted
Bull of the Year by the rodeo circuit’s top bull rid-
ers. During a five-year career, the 1,750-pound
beast has bucked off 85 percent of his riders in an
average of 2.8 seconds. No one has stayed on for
longer than 8 seconds. I’ve selected him to be
your power animal in the coming weeks, Taurus.
You have a mandate to avoid being rounded up,
roped, or ridden by anyone, even if you have to
snort and foam at the mouth as Little Yellow
Jacket does during his performances. “He has the
kind of heart, desire, and athletic ability that true
champions in any walk of life possess,” says his
owner. All you need to succeed at your assignment
are the first two of those qualities.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Before the
controversial comic Bill Hicks died, Jack Boulware
asked him what he thought was funny. “The best
kind of comedy to me is when you make people
laugh at things they’ve never laughed at,” said
Hicks, according to Boulware’s piece in the San
Francisco Chronicle. That thought should be your
inspiration in the coming weeks, Gemini. I don’t
care how you do it, but you’ve got to crack up
about subjects that you have always taken very
seriously. You might want to rent DVDs of comedi-
ans who are famous for their taboo-busting rants.
Surf the Web hunting down jokes about your
sacred cows. Sneak up on yourself and tickle your
own ribs while in the throes of a fantasy about
what you’re scared of.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Global
warming makes me sad. I’m opposed to it, and I
wish we humans would take more drastic meas-
ures to minimize our role in it. But I also have to
admit that part of me enjoys some of its conse-
quences. The growing season is getting longer: I
can eat the first green beans from my garden
before the first day of spring. The weather is more
consistently finer: My wintertime bike trips to the
top of the mountain rarely freeze my eyelashes, as
they once did. Sometimes I can even stroll on the
beach in shorts in January. Your assignment in the
coming week, Cancerian, is to do what I’ve done:
Find something redemptive about an aspect of our
rapidly changing world that normally makes you
crazy.
LEO
Band Members
BASS, VOCALS available for shows, record-
ing. Experienced, dependable, most styles.
Tony, 683-5170, taojonesbass@yahoo.com
MUSIC THEORIST, multi instrumentalist.
Successfully recorded covers of Kennedys,
Fall, Joy Division, Velvet, Roxy, Dolls, Soft
Boys, etc. Looking to form or join local punk
band. 895-5912.
Getaways
WINTER SPECIAL at the Sea Perch RV Park.
Call us for details on how you can earn a
free winter night. Perfect spot for storm
watching, agate hunting, beach combing,
etc. 541-547-3505. www.seaperchrvpark.com
Film/Video
VIDEO PRODUCTION Classes! Community
Television now offering comprehensive
courses in studio, field, analog, digital edit-
ing. Call 341-4671. CTV-CH29.
(July 23-Aug. 22): “Boobs: I wish I had
them. Not enough to buy them, though.” So testi-
fied skinny actress Lara Flynn Boyle in the Globe,
rejecting the idea of getting silicone implants. Take
your inspiration from her clarity in the coming
week, Leo. Identify one of your half-assed desires
— a vague wish that chronically floats around the
back of your mind — and renounce it forever. If
necessary, have a no-nonsense conversation with
yourself in which you discuss all the reasons why
the satisfaction of that longing is not at all crucial
to your happiness or well-being, and why, there-
fore, you will never again indulge in a serious fan-
tasy about it.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Michigan is a
Charlie's
For LEGAL SERVICES
contact Larry Deckman,
AUTO SERVICE
Attorney at Law.
DOMESTIC, EUROPEAN & ASIAN
268 1/2 Madison St. • Eugene
S HOP 541-687-1199 • C ELL 541-914-8122
www.charliesautoservice.com
Practice focuses on cooperation between
parties and prevention of problems rather
than conflict. Wills, contracts, real estate, small
business, and other non-adversarial fields of law.
In practice over 17 years. Reasonable rates.
484-3782
major importer of trash, accepting more than five
million tons per year in return for big payments. A
landfill in the small town of Rockwood alone takes
in a thousand tons of New Jersey’s demolition
debris every day. I know it might be tempting for
you to get all Rockwood-like in the coming days,
Virgo; you may imagine you can reap some long-
lasting benefits from getting dumped on. But I say
unto you: It ain’t worth it. Whatever you think you
can gain is meager compared to what you could
lose.
LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Science writer
David Bodanis says there are always so many frag-
ments of spider legs floating in the air that you
are constantly inhaling them wherever you go. I
encourage you to think of this now and then in the
coming week, Libra. Whenever you do, engage in
the following meditation: Imagine that you are bol-
stering your power to weave metaphorical webs;
fantasize that every day in every way you are
building a silky network designed to help you get
what you want; visualize yourself as being light
and strong, like a spider.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The
world’s highest bridge recently opened for traffic
in France. The Millau Viaduct soars over the Tarn
River, reducing the driving distance between Paris
and Barcelona by 60 miles. I hope to see a compa-
rable innovation in your future, Scorpio. You need
a monumental short cut that will let you cross
safely and conveniently over a yawning abyss.
Don’t try to create it all by yourself. Enlist the help
of the most soulful bridge-builders you can find.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec.
21): Movie actress Kate Winslet is your role model
this week, Sagittarius. In her 17 movies, she has
played a staggeringly wide variety of characters,
from an innocent romantic in Sense and
Sensibility, to a spontaneity-loving free spirit in
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, to a street-
wise sewer rat for an upcoming claymation come-
dy called Flushed Away. Come to think of it, those
are three of the many personas you might consid-
er adapting in the coming days. Like Winslet, you
should avoid typecasting as you keep yourself
highly entertained in a dazzling array of colorful
milieus.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
“Believing” in God is like “believing” in the taste of
a peach without ever having tasted an actual
peach. But what if I told you that you could actual-
ly commune with the Divine Wow through up-
close, personal encounters that are as vivid and
palpable as eating a peach? It’s a distinct possibili-
ty for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. The
best way to increase your chances of having this
heart-to-heart intimacy with Supreme Magic is,
first, to want it very badly, and second, to unleash
generous expressions of love as often as possible.
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Emily,
Madison, and Kaitlyn were among the most popu-
lar names for new baby girls last year, whereas
Jacob, Ryan, and Nicholas were top choices for
boys. Thevoiceofreason.com website notes that on
the other hand, Condescensia, Crumpet, and
Bucket were some of the least popular girl names,
and Beelzebub, Humpty, and Scratch were the
least favorite for boys. I hope you will ignore both
extremes, Aquarius, as you select an additional
new nickname or tag for yourself in the coming
days. While the astrological omens suggest it’s a
good time to expand your self-concept, it’s a bad
time to be overly influenced either by the trends
or by knee-jerk rebellions against the trends.
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20): The Weekly
World News reports that hell has a special pain-
free section for masochists. The evidence comes
from an S&M aficionado who traveled to this
anomalous part of the nether realm during a near
death experience. “There was no beating, no tor-
ture, no poking with blazing pitchforks — not even
a decent smack in the face,” testified Melissa
Surkovsky. While I am definitely not predicting you
will visit this place, Pisces, I must warn you that
you may soon have a semi-comparable experience
here on earth. As much as you might be tempted,
you simply won’t be able to indulge in any of your
own masochistic tendencies. You may even have
to endure something like what Surkovsky did: “I
was taken to a well-lit chamber and placed in a
comfortable reclining chair, then waited on hand
and foot by demons who were so polite, it was
annoying.”
HOMEWORK:
Which actor or
actress would be the best choice to play you in a
film about your life? Testify at www.freewillastrolo-
gy.com
You can call for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: 1-900-950-7700 • $1.99 per minute • Touchtone phone 18 & over • c/s 612-373-9785
Paul Green, The Life of Jack Gray: An Education in Living and in Love
rev. and expanded ed. Philadelphia: Xlibris, 2002. 290-page autobiographical novel. Paperback, $21.99; hardback, $31.99 (Note extremely modest hardback price)
Available from: Xlibris Corporation, 436 Walnut St., 11th Floor • The Independence Bldg. • Philadelphia, PA 19106 • www.xlibris.com
T. Hargrove has aptly compared Jack Gray to Celine’s Voyage au bout de la nuit, the novel
that hit a sleeping France like a bombshell in 1932 and that the American beat poets loved.
Paul John Green was born in 1936 in Seattle and is now an independent critic and scholar in comparative literature residing in Eugene.
He has co-edited a writing anthology, edited a scholarly book, written a number of other scholarly books and minibooks,
and also published articles, notes, reviews, bibliographies, translations, letters, poems and an abstract.
(The first edition of Jack Gray was privately printed, self-published, in relatively few copies in 1991.
This rev. and expanded ed. Included an added Chapter XIV, which brings Jack’s life into the year 1994.)
Further comments on Jack Gray:
W. Burns (Univ. of Washington emeritus): “remarkable.” • G. Butler (San Diego State Univ.): “a very human document” which “shows the sad reality of American life.”
• M. Steig (Simon Fraser Univ. emeritus): “a tough life.” • Efron (SUNY, Buffalo, emeritus): “courageous” of PG to have written it. • J. Flynn (Eugene sociologist): “a great novel.”
• J. Kourkoumelis: “a great work because of its utter honesty .” • D. Port: “brutally honest.” • O. Olevson: “depressing.”
JANUARY 27, 2005 29