BY ROB BREZSNY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The latest
1981 FIAT Spider 2000. All orig-
inal. Fun convertible. $6,500 OBO.
541-367-8740, 541-510-0216.
movie from Aries filmmaker Quentin Tarantino
received mixed reviews. Commenting on Kill Bill,
Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper raved, “It’s amaz-
ing. Brilliant and stylized! Tarantino is at the top of his
form.” On the other hand, critic Mick LaSalle had this
to say: “If this recycled, derivative nonsense is all
this once promising director has to offer after six
years, it’s sad.” I predict you will provoke a similar
range of reactions in the coming week, Aries. It’s
probably best if you don’t put too much stock in
either the people who regard you as a genius or
those who think you’re a crank. Just be satisfied to
believe in yourself.
Ford
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Consumer
1978 VINTAGE Dodge Power
wagon 4x4 Pickup truck. Club cab,
heavy duty, straight, no rust, all
original, runs strong. $2,700. 541-
343-6669.
1977 DODGE van, three on the
tree, runs great, ready for camp-
ing. 349-1141.
1971 4 WHEEL drive truck.
Clean body, needs rear end work.
$750 OBO. Call 683-4073. Eves
and weekends.
Fiat
1990 BRONCO. Charcoal gray
and burgundy. Great condition.
Extra set of tires. $3,300 OBO.
988-0319.
1989 BRONCO. $3,995. Runs
great. New brakes. Must see. Call
Rex before 9 pm, 687-7204.
1973 3/4 TON with 1976 Terry
fifth wheel, 30 ft. Package $2,000.
If separate, fifth wheel $1,500,
pickup $700. 746-1094.
brands are the new religion,” reports “The Financial
Times.” “People turn to them for meaning.” The evi-
dence? Instead of attending church on Sunday, many
of the faithful swarm to Ikea. Countless couples
exchange their marital vows at Disneyland. Bikers
are buried in coffins bearing Harley-Davidson logos.
Don’t tell me you haven’t been infected with this faux
religion, Taurus; we all have. But I’m happy to
announce that it’s a perfect astrological moment for
blasphemy and dissent. Renounce your worshipful
attachment to brand names and products that are
sapping your spiritual juice! Break the hold of your
addiction NOW! Just say NO to false gods!
GMC
1988 GMC handicapped van.
Side wheelchair lift. 55k miles, AC,
auto. $2,500. Message, 988-5330.
Honda
1994 HONDA Passport. 4 door
auto. Nice, loaded. 77k. $6,500.
Crescent Auto Sales, 683-2050.
1994 HONDA Accord EX
wagon. Low miles. 100k. Nice
sunroof and rack loaded. $6,600.
Crescent Auto Sales, 683-2050.
1988 HONDA Accord. 2 door
hatchback with air conditioning.
CD player, power windows.
$1,500. Charlie’s Auto Service.
687-1199.
Jaguar
1990 JAGUAR. Xanden Plas
xG6. 90k. Sun roof. Leather.
Loaded. $4,900. Crescent Auto
Sales, 683-2050.
Mercedes
1982 MERCEDES 380 SE.
Needs timing chain and ? $1,000
OBO. 935-7773.
Subaru
1991 LEGACY wagon. 170k, 5
speed, all wheel drive. Runs great
but needs new rear brakes.
$2,000. 484-5502.
1986 SUBARU Wagon. 4wd, 5
speed. 200k. Needs engine work.
$450 OBO. 942-9675.
Suzuki
1987 SAMURAI soft top, good
shape, directionals, no motor or
tranie. $800. 746-1094.
Toyota
1996 RAV 4. Dark green. 90K
miles. Very nice. $6,999. Crescent
Auto Sales. 683-2050.
1994 TERCEL. Very nice. 77k
miles. $2,900. Crescent Auto
Sales. 683-2050.
1988 CAMRY. 4-door, fully
loaded. $2,800. Crescent Auto
Sales. 683-2050.
1988 4X4. Running gear with 22
RE, 5 speed, no body, low miles,
$1,200. 746-1094.
1981 TERCEL wagon. 4x4. Runs
good. New clutch. $1,200.
Charlie’s Auto Service. 687-1199.
1989 TOYOTA 2WD Pickup.
Canopy, tow package, 156K miles.
Excellent condition. $3,000. 541-
929-8165.
Triumph
1961 VW STREET BAJA. High
pro motor, needs work, built trans,
center lines, $2,200. 746-1094.
Motorcycles
1984 HONDA Shadow, 700 cc,
$1,200 OBO. 913-9132.
Motor Homes/RV’s
1990 SAFARI Motorhome, 35’.
Like new, 18K miles. $48,000 OBO.
541-367-8740, 541-510-0216.
1973 VW BEETLE. Excellent
shape, recent upgrades. $1,250.
543-7344, 521-0616.
Volvo
1979 CLASSIC Volvo. Lots of
miles but lots of love. Runs good.
Lots of new parts. $1,000 OBO.
741-4063.
Boats
14 FT SEA SWIRL with 80
horse outboard motor. $950 OBO.
913-9132.
Misc.
1977 TRIUMPH TR7, $500.
Parting out. 1990 Dystant 33.
1989 Tercel. 1988 Caprice 4.3,
606-1275. Dave.
Volkswagen
1985 VOLVO 240. Auto, pwr
locks, windows. Runs great.
$1,700 OBO. 717-7371.
1990 SYNCRO Adventure-
wagen Camper. 150K, needs
owner looking for adventure.
Rebuilt engine, tranny. $10,500,
OBO, 342-6886.
1982 WESTFALIA CAMPER.
Rebuilt engine. Needs some work.
Gas heater. Has all ammenities.
$800 OBO. 757-6381, 521-4106.
1969 VW BEETLE Ragtop.
Custom wheels, new tires, fair
condition. 2 snow tires included.
$1,250 OBO. Call Claire, 484-9617.
1965 ENGLISH double-decker
bus with newly rebuilt diesel
engine. Best offer, tynda@aol.com.
Alpine
Import Service
Exclusively Volvo
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I have just
finished skimming Hiroyuki Nishigaki’s surprising
book How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict
Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective
Way? Though I haven’t had a chance to try out his
simple and revolutionary approach to mental health,
I feel confident about recommending it to you. It’s
time to take drastic, perhaps unconventional meas-
ures to disperse the funky moods that have plagued
you recently. Regular butt-squeezing may be able to
accomplish what no other therapy can. As one satis-
fied reader testified after achieving miracles with
this technique: “Free your ass and your mind will fol-
low.”
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Can you
find a sensitive saint who’ll cater to your desires for
a whole day? Someone who is knowledgeable about
what gives you pleasure, who would listen with sup-
ple curiosity to your stories, who would sing you
songs and read you poems and describe to you in
lyrical detail all your wonderful qualities? In other
words, Cancerian, can you enlist the devotion of a
love genius who would regard being of service to you
as a holy privilege? The planets have rarely been bet-
ter aligned for such a possibility. The entire universe
is yearning to be more demonstrative in showing its
love for you.
541.726.1808 • 12th & Main, Springfield
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The bumblebee seems
SHUTTLE SERVICE AVAILABLE
PARTS & LABOR GUARANTEED FOR 1 YEAR,
REGARDLESS OF MILEAGE
to be aerodynamically unsound. Its body weight
appears too great for its wingspan. Indeed, if it were
as big as an airplane, it would never get off the
ground. Fortunately, it knows nothing of the laws of
physics as they apply to machines, and therefore
never suffers from self-doubt as it soars and darts. I
suggest you make this creature your power animal in
the coming weeks. You will need to accomplish small
wonders that there are no theories to account for.
Charlie's
AUTO SERVICE
DOMESTIC, EUROPEAN & ASIAN
268 1/2 Madison St. • Eugene
S HOP 541-687-1199
C ELL 541-914-8122
www.charliesautoservice.com
Vehicle ads are
FREE!
4 lines, each extra line $2
Add a photo for $5
Call EW Classifieds by Monday, 5pm
484-0519, x10
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My reading of
your astrological omens suggests that you are now
standing before three doors. The word “scapegoat”
is written on door number one. “Chameleon” is on
door two and “weaver” on door three. What you do
in the next six days will determine whether you’ll ulti-
mately have a choice about which door you open. If
you do succeed in winning that privilege, I advise you
to pick the “weaver” door sometime after November
22. Selecting the “chameleon” door wouldn’t be ter-
rible, but it wouldn’t be half as stimulating.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Recently I
received a letter with testimony you might find help-
ful. “Hello, my name is Randall Xavier Ludwick,” it
began. “I am inspector number 23 for the Federal
Commission on Amusement Park Safety. My main
responsibility is to ensure that all ‘You Must Be This
Tall To Go on This Ride’ signs are up to code. It’s the
perfect job for a major Libra like me. Since I can
never make up my mind if left to my own devices, I
decided to pursue a career that has rigid boundaries
and also appeals to my sense of justice.” Mr.
Ludwick’s approach to his indecisiveness might be
worth imitating in the coming weeks, dear Libra. I
suggest you put yourself in positions where you must
adhere to crisply defined limits and rules. (Thanks to
Edgar Roberts for introducing me to Mr. Ludwick.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are
fresh, radical, and as free as you’ve ever been. Only
the ripest truths interest you. No pretty lies can trick
you and no super-hyped trivia can distract you. I
believe you’re ready, therefore, to commune with the
axioms of healing chaos, lifted from the Whores of
Goddess Scientists website at http://adtriancain.tri-
pod.com/. Here’s a sample. You are the hidden God.
Wake up in the dream. Read between the lies. To
question is the answer. The frontline is everywhere.
There are no innocent bystanders. Truth is a three-
edged sword. Practice infinite tolerance except for
intolerance. Achieve strength through joy. Embrace
your shadow. Change is stability. Creation never
ends. Everything is verb. The way in is the way out.
All things fornicate all the time. The going is the goal.
Today is the day!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec.
21): Walk into the hills or woods and find a large
rock jutting up out of the earth in a place that makes
you feel at home. Sit down on or next to that rock
and let go of the tightly wound emotions you’ve been
holding onto. Sob or sigh or babble until you achieve
a spiritual orgasm that will clear your mind of all its
gunk and free you to make the decision you’ve been
postponing. Ever hereafter you will call this the
Crying Rock, and you will go there whenever you
need the kind of release that only a beloved natural
power spot can facilitate.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
If a friend or companion is pregnant, buy her some
lingerie. If people close to you are depressed, take
them to a karaoke bar and insist that they sing in
public. If you’re feeling cautious and superstitious,
book a flight to an island paradise or learn to ride a
motorcycle. If you’re afraid you’re running out of
good ideas, start writing a booklet entitled, “My
Inexhaustible Supply of Good Ideas.” Are you catch-
ing my drift, Capricorn? To capitalize on the odd
opportunities fate will bring you this week, you
should definitely not go with the flow.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Many
of you feel that you’re only truly yourself if others
see you as you want to be seen. But this week I sug-
gest you try out a different perspective. It’s hinted at
by Suzan-Lori Parks in her play “Topdog/ Underdog”:
“Yr only yrself when no one’s watching.” Who are
you when you’re alone, Aquarius? Turn off your
awareness of what everyone thinks about you. Listen
only to the clues arising from your silent depths.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Back in the
days when I could afford employees, one of them
dreamed up a witty ad campaign for my expanded
audio horoscopes. The headline was “Rob Brezsny’s
astrological advice is like Viagra for the soul!” A
week after the first ads appeared, I got a letter from
the lawyers of the pharmaceutical company that
manufactures the real Viagra. “Cease and desist
using our trademarked brand name,” it said, “or we
will sue your ass.” (I’m paraphrasing.) My campaign
came to a dead stop, and I vowed never again to
borrow a corporate fetish for my own marketing pur-
poses. Carefully, then, I make the following
announcement: What life brings you in the coming
weeks will be like Viagra for your soul.
Homework: The media love bad
news because they think it’s more interesting than
good news. Is it? Send your interesting good news to
me at www.freewillastrology.com
You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your EXPANDED WEEKLY HOROSCOPE:
1-900-950-7700 • $1.99 per minute • Touchtone phone 18 & over • c/s 612-373-9785
NOVEMBER 13, 2003 33