BY SALLY SHEKLOW
Last Man on Earth
Visions of bar women kept
dancing in my head.
W
here do lesbians come from? Are we born this
way? Do we choose it? Is there a maniacal Dr.
Dykenstein in some cliffside la-BOR-atory piec-
ing together exhumed body parts and jolting them to life
on stormy nights with a giant Hitachi Magic Wand?
Born, chosen or created, lesbians roam the earth trying
to find each other. Not an easy task in a world where all our
identifying hairstyles become mainstream fashion. If we are lucky
enough to detect others of our kind, we must initiate contact.
But some of us are slow. I may have stayed lost in hetspace forever if it hadn’t been
for my final boyfriend. He was kind and gentle — nothing like the other overpowering,
self-absorbed, clit-ignorant college boys I knew.
We hiked to our special woodland hideout where I braided wildflowers into his long
silky hair. We pranced and spun in the meadow. We were stardust. We were golden. OK,
we were high.
Boyfriend lived across from an all-woman communal household where he bought
his monthly lid. Those women didn’t like men coming over, so I was the weed runner. I
crossed the street with his money folded up in the pocket of my long tie-dyed skirt.
The pot-women were friendly. I enjoyed visiting the commune but had to get back
across the street to enjoy the purchase with my far-out guy.
Boyfriend was a good dancer, meaning he’d slip off into his own world while I did the
same. We liked to go out dancing, but I always got hit on at straight clubs. Not being
the “keep your hands off my woman” sort of man, Boyfriend suggested we try our
town’s only gay bar. I had no idea my own queer streak was as wide as k.d. lang’s vocal
range, but somehow I felt right at home among the bar’s strong, confident, man-less
women. But I also felt kind of sorry for them because they didn’t have a great guy like
my long-haired swirly boy groovin’ over there in the corner of the dance floor.
When Boyfriend and I went back to his place, visions of the bar women kept dancing
in my head. Boyfriend agreed to pretend we were both women and indulged my
request for dickless sex. I had one terrific guy.
The next day in our woodland hideout, my dancing queen gently suggested I might
be a lesbian. How could that be? Had I failed to conform to my het conditioning? Was I
turning into one of those dirty queers kids joked about on the school bus? Boyfriend’s
comment stung. But the idea was planted.
B
ack at the bar, Boyfriend danced and I studied the bar dykes. Was I like them? I
didn’t walk or dress tough. I was terrible at shooting pool. I didn’t even own one
single bandana. I couldn’t be a lesbian.
But I got all tingly imagining what kissing one would feel like. I kept dashing off to
the women’s restroom hoping one of those bar dykes would pounce and smooch me
into submission. I never mentioned that fantasy to Boyfriend, but he had my number.
His requests for my weed-running services mysteriously increased. He sent me over
to the commune so often, I ended up staying the night. One of the roommates shared
her bed with me and taught me everything I needed to know about being a happy les-
bian. Real happy!
After college Boyfriend moved away. I like to think his next girlfriend directed him
toward the Radical Faeries with whom he traipsed off to dance in the woods with his
kindred spirits.
The “born vs. choice” argument reminds me of him. Was I born this way? Did I
choose it? Or did I just happen to have a wonderful boyfriend who steered me toward
my natural destiny? If you run into him swirling around some dance floor, please thank
him for me. I may have forgotten to do that.
“Living Out” began in EW and now appears in more than a dozen publications. To enroll in Sally Sheklow’s
summer term writing classes contact the LCC continuing education program at www.lanecc.edu
Roger Hall
T
EC
L
-E
LCC Board of Education
RE
ZONE 6
• Twelve-Year Board Member
• Three-Term Board Chair
• Endorsed by LCC Employees Federation
• Endorsed by American Federation of
Teachers - Oregon
• Endorsed by Democratic Party of
Lane County
Committed, Experienced Leader
Paid for by the Committee to Re-elect Roger Hall
960 N. 16th St., Springfield, OR 97477
MAY 15, 2003 7