King Tommy
By GEORGE A. BIRMINGHAM
Copyright by Bobbe Merrill Co.—W N. U. Service
OFF DAYS
By DOUGLAS MALLOCH
'Ell have It happen, too?
Off days ever come to you
When you sny the foolish thing,
Ximclalize In blundering?
That's the day I have tod
Ev'ry thing I do and say
In some weak and tuolisi
Acts like Ivory or lend
no breakfast might have fainted
I haven't," said
through sheer astonishment,
least I hadn't until yesterday. What When the things
Make you worse out than you .are,
“A king." I said. “Good gracious! sort of a bird Is he?"
When the things you toll the rest
possibly
have
suggest-
But
—
he
caa't
I
found
It
a
little
difficult
to
give
Tommy Norrey». an Irish cu
ed your being a king. King of w hat I a clear account of Procopius Cable Make you look your fooltshist.
rat«, Invested In German marks
and when they went down and
Where?"
Nobody knows where he came from. When you nu nt to look your best.
kept on going Tommy ran over
"Does seem a bit
I
of a facer Just at His Christian name sounds »¡reek, "nnd
to Berlin to spend his fast-tadlng
It's the day you make mistakes.
first, doesn't It, Uncle Bill? But the I have heard it »aid that he was orig
investment. Tommy was a mod
Blunders, fumbles..silly
est souk so when a gentleman
way to look at all these things Is inally a Levantine Jew. I could not
Its the day that often comes
ap-
with
English
this: Why not? Before you turn It call him a captain of Industry, for he
proached him in his hotel and
When your fingers all are thumb«,
down you onght to say to yourself. does not manufacture, nor drive other
called
htm
"Your
Lordship,"
Dropping ev’ry throw to first —
Tommy blinked his bright Irish
Why not? That's what Tve been say people to manufacture, anything. I
For a man Is often cursed
eyes. But when the head waiter
ing to myself ever since Uncle Ned suppose he might be described as a
With a day he's at his worst.
repeated the acmcaatlon. as he
financier. I said so to Norheys.
sprang it on me.”
bowed Tommy to a table. Tommy
“Anything to do with oil?” ho Well, If such days come to you,
nearly collapsed.
“Well,” I said, "when you put it
“Who am IT” Tommy asked
that way I can see—I dare say you'd asked.
JusL remember others, too.
himself.
Ta it a German jest;
“Not that I know of." I said, “but Have
make a fairly good king of some very
an off day now and then;
am I dreaming, or have I a dou
he
may.
It
wouldn't
surprise
nie
to
small country. But I still find it very
ble?" But before he had time to
Just remember other men.
answer bls own questions, he was
difficult to believe that your Vncle hear that Cable had something to do Like yourself, get off their game—
deep In suen a mist of intrigue
Ned really proposed It. Did he men with anything In the world If there's Be a little alow to blame.
as even hte Irish Imagination
money to be made out of It."
tion the name of the country?"
never dreamed of.
Knowing you are much the sume.
“1 mentioned It." said Norheys, "be
"He did; but it's slipped out of my
A UtUe later a very pretty
dancer threw him a note which
head for the minute. It was the same cause Undented said something about
said: “Go back to London and
place where my greataunt Elizabeth oil iq, Lystria. I can't say I much like
marry Viola Temple."
Tommy •
went with that mucker of hers one the Idea of living In a place that
was Intrigued to know who Viola
stinks of paraffin, nasty stuff, always
Temple was. but tho lovely little
hundred and fifty years ago."
dancer held flrst claim on hie
"Lystria," I said. “But—well, of getting into your food and dripping
attention. So he stayed, thereby
course your Uncle Edmund knows bet about. However, Uncle Ned says the
greatly complicating the already
ter than I do, but I have an Impres good old British empire wants oil, and
complicated complications.
Birmingham
"George
sion that Lystria isn't an independent if it does I’m all for Its having as
much as it can get. That’s what I
state any more.”
Reverend James Owen Hannay,
I was right about that. I looked always say to a fellow who starts
canon of St. Patrick s cathedral,
IS IT SEWALL?
Dublin—eo you may be sure he’s
the matter up after Norheys left me. talking about the empire: The prop
portrayed "King Tommy ' to the
Lystria, once an independent king er thing Is to let the British empire
life and made him the lovable
New Englund
and
dom, was Incorporated into the Re get what It wants wish the leant pos
hero of a delightful romance tn
Sewells have the satisfaction of
public of Megalia by the Treaty of sible fuss, whether It's oil, pr rubber,
a setting of light comedy.
Trianon. Megalia is one of those new or whatever the thing may tie. Un knowing that they were descended
republics which make the map of cle Ned seemed to think that In this from Henry Sewall, mayor of Coven-
try, England, In
His non. Henry
Europe very confusing to people like case It was oil."
New England and
“Is there oil in Lystria? I never Sewall, came
me who knew it before the war.
settled In Newberry Massacb n setts,
—1—
doubt the Lystrians deserved to lose heard of It.”
their independence. The late king.
1
“That fellow Cable seems to have In 1034. By his wife June Drummer
Wladislaws VI, backet] the wrong side said so," said Norheys, “and I rather he had a son named Samuel Sewall
in the war and like all who did that. gather—mind you. I’m not saying this who was one of the most Interesting
I had finished breakfast and was
lost his throne.
as a certain, sure thing. My general of the Massachusetts colonists of his
reading the Irish news in the Morn
“Lystria Is the spot Unde Ned men- Impression Is that If I was king of dny. He gives an excellent chance to
ing Post It gave me some pleasure
tioned.” said Norheys. 'Totty little Lystria, Uncle Ned and the Jolly old know him in his famous diary which
to read the Irish news in the Morn
recounts with qunlntness, humor nnd
one-horse place; but oí course a fel- empire would collar the oil? See?"
ing Post in the early part of 1922.
rare truthfulness the details of IJs
I began to see.
The Republicans or the Free Staters
courtship In later life.
tiad burned my bouse In County Clare,
ills first wife was Judith Quincy
and I liked being told that such peo
Hall nnd when he was married to her
ple come to a bad end. The Morn
Governor Bradstreet performed the
I took the first chance I got of
ing Post told me that every day with
ceremony. It was on this occasion
having a chat with Edmond Troyte.
emphasis.
that the bride’s father presented
He was perfectly frank with nie und
Lord Norheys walke 1 tn and greet
young bridegroom with n chest full
told me all about the scheme for
ed me.
making his nephew king of Lystria. of pine tree shillings equaling the
“Good morning.” L'ncle Bill. Had a
bride In weight.
good night? Sleep sound and all that?
He began with the ixditlcal part of
At his second marriage Samuel's
Chewed up a satisfactory breakfast?
the plan. The Lystrians are. so he
own son officiated.
What I always say Is. If a fellow
said, an Intensely patriotic people,
Samuel Sewell was one of the Judges
deeps and eats he's fit for anything."
and they very much dislike being
who took nn active part In condemn
merged In the Republic of Megalia.
I am not Norheys' uncle, and my
ing the witches. Later he saw the
In fact, Edmund admitted this to me,
name is not Bill, or even William;
error of his ways and did not. hesitate
the framers of the Treaty of Trianon
but I have known him ever since he
to confess Ids error and lament over
made a mistake, a bad mistake. In
was born, and I suppose he has a
the action he had taken. It was his
depriving Lystria of Its independence.
right to stick to the nickname which
custom to spend frequent days In
’They are a people,” said Troyte,
he first gave me when he was a child
prayer and fasting by way of repent-
“with a strong feeling In favor of
in the nursery. His father, the eighth
Ing for his action In the witchcraft
monarchy. They don't like the re
marquis, was my best friend. He and
trials, iilrhongh he undoubtedly acted
publican form of government. The
I and Edmond Troyte, the younger
according to his best Judgment at the
aristocracy doesn't like it. The Church
brother, were at Winchester togeth
time.
doesn't like It, and In Lystria the
er, and afterward at Oxford. I was
Samuel Sewell mad«» large bequests
Church
counts
for
a
lot.
Whatever
godfather to the present marquis.
to Harvard. Joseph Sewell, one of
the patriarch says the people say aft-
"Thanks," I said. “I got through
his descendants, declined the presl
er him. The patriarch’s name Is
the night fairly well and the coffee
dency of Harvard In 1724, and
Menelaus."
was quite hot at breakfast."
Joseph's grandson, named Samuel, was
He went on to tell me that the Lys-
“I thought I’d inquire,” said Nor-
trians would like to have their old member of congress from Massa-
b ya, “because what I've got to tell
ch u setts.
king back.
y .u may give you a bit of a shock.
Jonathan Sewell, born In 1766.
“But that's Impossible. The En-
And what I always say Is this: unless
chief Justice of Lower Canada, was
tente
powers
wouldn't
stand
It.
Be-
h fellow Is pretty well braced up It's
Had Finished Breakfast and Was sides, that fellow Wladislaws is a bad a member of this family; born at
better to let a shock stand over for
Reading the Irish News In the Morn one. He treated his wife badly. she Cambridge, Massachusetts, he spent
a day or two.”
ing Post.
was an Englishwoman. As a matter his boyhood In Englund and from
“I feel as fit this morning,” I said,
of
fact, she was a distant cousin of thenSe went to Canada.
"as I'm ever likely to ; so unless your
Tho name Is usually spelled here
low can't expect to step into a first- my own."
news is really desperate—It's about
Sewnll although It Is said that at
rate job when he first goes into the
Miss Temple, I suppose."
Any king who treats a relative of
the time of the Revolution members
king line of life.”
Troyte'« badly deserves to lose his
Miss Temple—Viola Temple of the
of the family who remained loyal
“But.” I said, "If you really are to
tbrone. I raw at once that Wladis
advertisement hordlngs and the pic be a king—”
took the spelling Sewell. Appan at-
laws had Irretrievably lost his.
ture papers—is a very beautiful lady
ly most of them were revolutionists
As his godfather I felt it my duty
The Patriarch Menelaus an 1 the for the spelling Sewell
with a spotless reputation. At that to speak -erwusly to Norheys about
is very rare
time all London was enthusiastic his future. I had thought of quite a Lystrian aristocracy,” said Troyte, here.
about her dancing. Norheys was more nice thing to say, but lie Interrupted "know perfectly well that they can't
One of the earliest of the name In
have Wladislaws back. So, some time
enthusiastic than any one else. I me.
England was Sewall de Sovlll, areli-
ago,
they
asked
for
an
Englishman,
hoped be did not mean to marry her,
bishop of York.
“Unde Ned wants me to,” he said.
The only condition they made was
but was very much afraid he did.
(© by McClure Newspaper Syndicat*.)
“It l»n’t a thing I’d have thought of
"Viola doesn't come In at all SO going In for ail on my own ; but when that he should marry the ex-klng’s
said Norheys.
’Though of Uncle Ned has set his heart on It— daughter. Of course we turned the
course she may later on. No fellow well, no fellqw with any sense of de proposal down at once and no more
young
can possibly tell who'll come Into cency wants to start a family quar was heard of It.”
ACROSS THE WAY
“You seem to have turned It up
what, can he? You might be In i it rel by going against his relations, un
yourself, Uncle Bill, before we're ac- less he absolutely has to. I’ve been again,” I said. “Now, why?”
tually through It.”
That, It appeared, Is where Proco-
thinking things over since Uncle Ned
“That,” I said, "is extra reason for spoke to me. My Idea Is that a king’s plus Cable came in. He had folind
telling me what It is.”
duty is to make as few laws as j»os- out that the Lyatrlan mountains were
full of oil. He tried to get a conces-
’’It's a new stunt of I’n le Ned’«.”
sible, and to stop other fellows mak
His uncle Ned—this time a real un ing them If he can. What I always slon for the development of tho oil
cle—Is Lord Edmond Tre.te, son of say Is this: Most fellows are all right fields. The Megallan government hes
the seventh marquis, urn ie of the if you leave them alone and don’t go itated and wrangled and procrastinat
ninth marquis of Norheys, one of our trying to make them do things they ed until Cable got tired of trying to
ablest, quite our most sincerely pa don’t want to. Of course If they take deal with them. They had not money
triotic statesman, at present minister to batting each other on the head, enough to develop the place them
for Balkan affairs.
Whatever the then you've got to send a policeman selves. They had not the knowledge
“stunt” was. It must surely be safe to stop them. But otherwise—Well, or enterprise or energy to do It even
and decorous If Lord Edmund invent my Idea of kings and presidents and if they had the money. And they
ed It. So I thought; but I was wrong. people like that is that they've far too would not let Cable do It. So he
I might have remembered that there good an opinion of themselves. They started working up patriotic feeling
is a queer vein of adventurousness always think they know what’s best in Lystria. or rather, financing It, for
and daring In the Troyte family. and want the other fellow to do It. It did not m ed working up. He got
There was a Lord Alfred who made Whereas the other fellow knows real Into touch with the patriarch and he
himself a sort of Arab sheik early In ly Just as well as they do. And my got into touch with the aristocracy
the Eighteenth century. Before him Idea Is: Let him. So tong ns It through a certain Count latvan Cas
there was an Elizabethan Lord Ed doesn’t annoy anybody else much, let Imlr. He gave them nil the money
they wanted. According to Cable's
mund who came back from the Span him.”
account everything was ready for a
ish Main with a shipful of gold plate.
Norheys’ political principles struck
There was a Lady Elizabeth Troyte me as sound. I felt that, If ever he revolution. All that was wanted was
who married Prince Boris of Lystria became king of Lystria, I should like a king whom the Entente powers
in 1762, and, after a brilliant military to go nnd live there. Tuxes ought to would recognise. The Megallan re
career, had her head cut off by the be light; for the greater part of our public would be quite helpless if Eng
Turks, who were playing about In Ly- national Income seems >o go In pay land or any other great power recog
■tar at that time There were others. ing officials to compel people to do nized the new king of Lystria.
And that kind of th.ng, If It Is In the things they don’t want to. There
blood, is very haYd to eradicate.
would be no expenditure of that Bort
My word! What next? With
"Uncle Ned.” said Norheys, “wants In Lystria under Norheys.
•uch clever
and Influential,
i ne young lady across the way says
me to be a king."
•'There's another ftdlow In this
echemere at work, anything Is
it makes her tired the way they say
Norheys was perfectly right to In stunt,” he said, "besides Uncle Ned.
posaible.
a woman can’t keep a secret and she
quire about my health before he made Ever hear of any one called Cable?"
never told one yet without mnklng
■n announcement like that A man
"1’ve heard of Procopius Cable,” I
everybody promise not to tell a soul.
who bad slept badly or who had bad said. “Everybody has.”
(TQ BS ÇONmtÇXp.)
(© by McClure Nswapsper Syndicate.)
DEEP-LAID SCHEMES
MR. FOX AND HIS RIVAL
o
there lived In some deep
i a fox who had gathered
during his years of ronnilng about th
country a groat deal of wisdom. A
lie was now getting rather old lie de
elded to turn Ills know ledge to ««ns
account.
"Surely all the things I know nr
"I
worth something," he reasoned.
have learned many thlnsa through
experlenee. Some I putii for by suf
furlng and other tldngs I Icarmd by
Mr Turtle thanked him mid sub! he
keeplng my cura and eyes alert.
*Thervfore l sbould be pubi by thoae would go right over nnd look at tlieui.
Mr. Turtle bud stayed lute In I he
who curo to prollt by my teuching«
and 1 sitali today post a slgn on my tnuMhrpolu bed. und when be shirted
door telling thè woodfolk w here they fur home be knew he would never be
there In time for Ids
of
can listen each night to
lecture unless some one guio niin n
w Isdom.”
Mr.
Mr. Fox was busy all one morning lift and when In
painting a sign and that evening us ting along he
tor who luid won that filinoti
hundreds of years bifore from Mr.
OUR
Last Name
Part I.—London
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
he
T
lady
Mr. l ox whs running along when be
happened to see n bed of nice mush
rooms; and knowing that Mr. Turtle
had un
liked mu hrooms, Mr
Id««.
He turned right uhotit mui rnn back
to the woods, blit
oh, no; he kept riitit
tils on n
on until he reached the home of Mr.
Turtle
Mr F. ix snld: "Mr. Turtle, I naw a
Ine niushRxnna over lb*' hill;
thought you inlsht like to know,
Mr. Turtl« Left Mr. Fox Wallowing
About In the Mud.
the woodfolk wandered along they
stopped and read, "Words of wisdom
spoken each and every night, rain or
moonlight to those who wish to hear
them, for a (mail fee."
Those who first saw the sign ran
to tell others am) pretty anon a crowd
had gathered around the door of Mr.
Fox, which made Ids eyes twinkle,
the larger the crowd the more lie
would get In foes.
Old Mr. Turtle was stretching
neck, but he could not sec well enough
to rend, so he linked Mr. Rabbit, who
was nearest to him, to rend what was
printed on the sign.
The next day the wopdfulk snw on
Mr. Turtle's door this sign: "Mr.
Turtle, who for over a hundred years
has been gathering wisdom, will lec
ture each night to those who care to
Improve their minds.
A collection
will be taken to meet expens« s."
"A new broom sweeps dean," quot
ed Mr. Fox when lie heard about Mr.
Turtle's sign, and then he added "tint
‘too many cooks spoil the broth,' so I
must use my wits to get ahead <>f my
rival, Mr. Turtle."
What’s in a Name?"
Dy MILDRED MARSHALL
Mr. Fox ran over to the farm, got
tils supper und »»» running back nt a
pretty fust rate of Hinasi ; so he did not
know when Mr. Turtle reached out
his hand and gm sped the tip of Ills
tall und held fust to It.
was thinking of gdllng
Mr
home, and how Mr. Turtle must be
waddling along somewhere far from
home, for he was very certain ho went
to the mushrdom tied. So he was not
as careful us he uauully was to look
where he wa« going.
Over a stone wall leaped Mr. Fox.
and the next thing lie knew he m as
deep In n pond of mostly mud.
A mud bath tn Mr. Turtle was fun.
and If he had not been In a hurry to
reach home lie would have liked noth
ing better thill) to stay there; but lie
crawled out and left Mr Fox wallow
ing about In the mud.
Before Mr. Fox hnd come along Mr.
Turtle had hnd time to think, and It
had entered hlx wise obi held that
Mr. Fox hnd reasons for being »<> kind
In telling him about the boil of mush
rooms. so he called to him ns he
waddled away: "'There’s many a slip
'twixt the cup nnd the lip.' Mr. Fox.
I shall remember to explain that sny-
Ing to my audience tonight und tell
them, too. how you urv unavoidably
detained."
Mr I • I knew that his rival would
reach home In time to give Ids lec
ture. and he knew, too, that lie would
be the laughing stock of nil the wood
folk by morning ; so, when
last get out of the mud I
home and pulled down Ida sign, and
went, to
make a home so far away that Mr.
Turtle would have to crawl years und
years before he found him.
«THE WHY of
SUPERSTITIONS
Facts about your name; its history;
meaning, whence it was derived, sirf
nlhcance. your lucky day. lucky )ewel
By H. IRVINQ KING
FAITH
THE THRESHOLD
T^ROM a Biblical source comes the
charming Faith, which sprang Into
popular usage during the vogue of
I’urltanb-al names. The prevalence of
appellatives which denoted abstract
virtues marked the beginning of Puri
tanism In England, und many such
names rntiie under the-bnn from other
clashes beenuxe of tho wldesprcird dis
like of the “Round Honda."
But the simple beauty of Faith, as
well as the divine virtue for which
the name was symbol, kept her poji-
ularity undlmtned. For was she not
one of the trio whom St. Patil com
mends to the Corinthian!«, saying:
"And now abldcth faith, hope, char
ity, these three; but the greatest of
these Is charity.”
The Puritans brought Faith to New
England when they migrated from
their native land, and the name has
been universally popular there, at the
same time spreading to other sections
of the country. It Is one of the few
feminine appellative!) which cannot be
contracted.
The pearl Is Faith's tnllsmnnlc gem.
It Is a fitting symled of purity for Its
wearer who will possess enviable
charm and affability nnd have many
frlends. Wednesday Is her lucky day
and 5 her lucky number.
< a miK'h talked nHout recent novel
the doctor of Gopher Bruirle suya to
Ids bride.
I meant
you lifted over the threshold." Which
shown that the old custom of lifting
brides over the threshold when they
first enter their new home still lingers
among us, ns It Is. also, a feature of
rural wedding« In England mid Scot
mixing up In the minds
land.
of our remote ancestors of spiritual
and mnterlnl things cmised the thres
hold to be regarded In a peculiarly
mystic manner.
As Its mime Implies, It prevented the
grain, the body of the corn-spirit, from
sliding out when the chuff Hew away
nt the threshing time. It was that
entra nee
part
house
which nil must pass that en-
tered It. Consequently there win i a
f mi 111 n t •• the
constant struggle
entrance of good Influences and keep
out the spirits of evil by "doctoring”
the threshold. Cauls were burled un-
der their neighbor's thresholds, per
sonal relics calculated to facilitate the
entrance of malign Infliiemes. A largo
null was driven Into the threshold to
keep death from entering.
On Walpurgis night
l lerman
peasant still lays flowers and branches
upon Ids threshold to keep out tho
witches; and chips from n threshold
used to be thought a valuable Ingredi
ent In mnklng smoke for the fumiga
tion of cattle. So as no one knows
what witches or evil spirits may have
done to the threshold It Is better that
n bride, nt the critical moment of her
entrance to her new home, should be
lifted over It to avoid contagion from
the mnllgn Influences from touching
the possibly Infected door sill,
CD by Whwier Hyndlr'ite,
(© by McClure Nrwipsper Syndicate.)
------------ o------------
<2 by McClure Newepaper Syndicate.)
easily a c -
COUNTED
FOR.
Do Bora (at
11:30 p. M.)—I
love that dreamy
look In your eye«.
I have never seen
It In any other
girl’s.
Mln« Sweet—
Perhaps you
don't stay as late
with them as you
do here.