Page 10
Conversation
BY RANYA FORGOTSON
beautiful!” So, my mind’s preoccupied. I’m
not focused on the negative.
C O N T R IB U T IN G W R IT E R
hazzi Davis lives with bipolar
disorder. Twenty years ago, he lost
everything due to his mental health
issues. He can never have his old life back,
but has found that taking abstract photos
has become like therapy. Chazzi is also a
street paper vendor, selling The Curbside
Chronicle in Oklahoma City, Okla., where he
lives. But his story resonates with anyone,
anywhere, struggling with mental health.
R.F.: What is your favorite part about
photography?
C.D.: The walks. Going for walks. And
when people say, “Wow!”
‘P hotography
is part o f my escape’
t
A view to a bipolar life
R a n y a F o rg o tso n : How did you get into
with bipolar disorder?
R.F.: How does it feel to have experienced
mental illness but to have a better handle on it
now?
C.D.: Well, I didn’t know I had it at first. I
R.F.: What was it like being diagnosed?
C.D.: I can’t explain what it’s like when
you lose everything. That feeling of knowing
where I used to live, and the smell of a nice
car, those feelings of Christmas. All that’s
not going to be my life anymore. It’s like I’m
disjointed from life. Like, I’m over here and
they’re over there and I can’t get back.
But... when you find yourself in hell, keep
mornings are best.
even small things that we overlook every
day like weeds. You don’t see that
perspective very much. I try to bring that
out with my photos.
I just want to keep creating stuff with it.
It’s not always going to be cool, but it’s fun.
It’s a way to distract myself. The thing about
being bipolar is you dwell. Just little stuff,
stupid stuff. And you have to be aware of
that. What I’ve noticed about depression and
anxiety is that as long as you take baby steps
out of it and you’re willing to fight your way
out of it, you can get out of it. And
photography is part of my escape.
R.F.: How long have you been diagnosed
But the loss was so traumatic that I haven’t
ever really recovered. It’s just like, I go up
and down and up and down. But I have
realized: you become self-aware after so
long. And I think what hurt me was, the
people who loved me could not understand
what was happening to me. Here’s this
successful guy that goes “plop.” And they
had no clue. It took me five years to accept
being bipolar. It was like, “I wanna be
normal, I wanna be normal.” Now, I connect
with it. I accept I’m not gonna be normal.
C.D.: A couple of times a week. Early
C.D.: That everything can be beautiful,
where I couldn’t leave the house, I was so
depressed. I went to counseling and the guy
said, “You need to find something you can
do, walk out your front door and just go do.”
And so I started taking pictures. It was just
such a release to do that. Dealing with
bipolar, the worst part is when you have
anxiety and you can’t get out of your anxiety
~ it
w on> £o awnv. Then having
something to do, it just helps. It helped me
get to the point where I could get out of the
house. It was like a therapy for myself to get
out and do it.
C.D.: Twenty years. It happened in 1999.
photography?
your images?
C h a zz i D a v is: I went through a period
R.F.: How long ago was this?
R.F.: How often do you go out and do
R.F.: What do you want people to get from
photography?
used to work and have a house, and a nice
car and a nice truck, and a wife and a dog
and kids. Over a six-month period,
something hit me, and I just couldn’t
function. I could not get up and go. And I
couldn’t see what was happening to me. And
it ended up where I lost everything.
Street Roots • April 21-27, 2017
C.D.: It’s empowering to know that I can
Photos by Chazzi Davis. To view these and more in color, visit our website, news.streetroots.org.
on going. That’s all you can do.
You don’t know what’s wrong with you. I
remember saying to my wife, “I don’t know
what’s wrong.” I regret that I put my wife
and family through the things I did. I do
remember her saying, “Something’s not
right with you. You’re extremely stressed
out.” I mean, I was in a bad mood all the
time. I wish I’d listened. That’s another
thing about mental illness; it’s like your ears
are plugged up.
At first I said, I don’t want to get on pills
like Prozac and antidepressants and stuff.
Going back through time, I’d listen now.
Without my medicine, my mind goes a
thousand miles an hour. I don’t know how to
stop myself sometimes. My mom tells me
now when I’m needing help. She’s awesome.
If it weren’t for her, I’d have probably given
up. I came out of the mental hospital
homeless. She was like, why don’t we move
in together? So now, I live with my mom.
got into it in the last year and a half or so.
My uncle moved in with us, and he had to
go through cancer. That was horrible. But
that was a major motivation. That’s when it
really kicked in, when he died. He kept
saying, “Do something with your life. It’s not
over. Look at me, I’m dying. I want to trade
places.”
When I go out to take a picture, it comes
so easy to me. I feel like I have to struggle
at everything else.
R.F.: Does experiencing bipolar play into
your photography?
C.D.: I think so. If I’m in a negative place
mentally, this is like a relief because I can
make something happen that’s beautiful. It’s
better than negative thoughts. That’s why I
try to show positive images, because I’m
constantly consumed by negative. Making
the beautiful out of the weird.
get up and work when I’m ready to. To know
that Curbside’s (Oklahoma’s street paper)
there for me. If you go through a period
where at night you’re thinking about suicide,
but you can wake up in the morning and say
I’m still rolling - that was a big problem for
me - just keeping going. Each year that
goes by, I get stronger and stronger. And
hopefully one day, I’ll be able to pass it on.
R.F.: What are some misconceptions about
mental health that you wish people knew?
C.D.: Here’s something I want people to
know: IQ has nothing to do with mental
illness. People think, “You’re smart, you
can’t be mentally ill.” But that’s not how it
works.
I feel like you can be sick and healthy at
the same time. You can ride the roller
coaster without the world ending. If I could
give anything to any other person that’s
bipolar, it would be that.
R.F.: Do you think yo u ’ll do photography for
a while?
R.F.: A nd has the photography helped with
R.F.: How long have you been taking
the negative thoughts?
C.D.: I think 1 11 do it for the rest of my
life. It’s my motivator.
photos?
C.D.: Oh, yeah. Because instead of being
C.D.: It’s been two or three years. I really
a negative jerk, I’m out there like, “Let me
take a picture of this weed that I’ll make
Courtesy o f The Curbside Chronicle / INSP.
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