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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2013)
Street roots 15 ' April 1, 2013 Fear and Loathing in the Cascades Advice for young politicos, journos and other one-time hum ans H unter S. Thompson is alive and well in the Pacific Northwest. f I’d written all the truth I knew for the past 10 years, about all of the elected officials in office in Oregon, I would be rotting in prison cells from Coffee Creek to the Eastern Oregon Correctional Facility. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism. A word to the wise is infuriating. We all know that in Portland, when the going gets weird, the weird turn professional. Look at Bud Clark, Randy Leonard and Steve Novick. If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up. I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9-to-5 hours. So do half of the bureaucrats in this town. For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled. Sane is rich and powerful. Insane is wrong and poor and weak. The rich are free, the poor are put in cages. Res Ipsa Loquitur, amen. Mahalo.” Journalism, like politics, is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all |> 1 3Ü R 1 R C £ WP O » m la M 0 ? for fuckoffs and misfits - a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage. The business that makes this whole thing work is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason. There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool Oregon breeze on any summer afternoon can turn Crater Lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation. It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die. Every now and then when your life gets ' complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Portland to Bend with the music blasting. Faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death. After all, yesterday’s weirdness is tomorrow’s reason why. Pray to God, but row away from the Castle Rock. Remember friends morality is temporary; wisdom is permanent. The greatest mania of all is passion, and I am a natural slave to passion. The balance between my brain and my soul and my body is as wild and delicate as the skin of a Ming vase. Remember folks, this is the fast lane. Some of us like it here. My advice to readers is to walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors. Buy the ticket, take the ride for God’s sake. At the top of the mountain we are all snow leopards. All I can say in ending is, “Keep Portland Weird.” By Kara Dimitruk A nsw ers on page 6 Crossword Sudoku 1. Lighthearted family film (2004) 4. Tortoise racer 8. Jets or Sharks, e.g. 12. Peace film (1970) 13. Still-life piece 14. Construction piece 16. Chichi 17. Sitar music 18. Bit of Gothic architecture 19. Ed.’s request 20. Tofu base 21. Note after fa 23. Darn 24. Mike Meyers’ award winning franchise* 26. First___ 28. Lungful 30. Be in a cast 32. Muslim holy man 36. Tete-e-tete 39. Pond dweller 41. Comic Carvey 42. ___and cheese 43. As opposed to ours 45. “___magic!” 46. Hamburg’s river 48. Mexican money 49. Give off, as light 50. PBS show “by kids, for kids” 51. “Indubitably” 52. Famous 54. Roswell sighting 56. Partner of buggy 60. Amaze 63. Protrude 65. Nice hot drink? 67. Sis’s sib 68. Coen bro’s romantic comedy (1996) 70. Burn soother 72. “Get lost!” 73. Detroit athlete 74. Prefix with graph 75. Goose sound 8 2 5 Across 7 1 2 9 8 5 3 4 7 6 2 8 4 6 3 1 5 6 1 3 9 I I I 8 I 1 I 6 8 The objective of Sudoku is to fill in all the blank squares with the correct numbers, from 1 to 9. Every row, column and square must include all digits, 1 through 9, in any order. 76. Snitched 77. Fast-moving card game 78. ‘Fore Down 1. Vaughan of jazz 2. Frostflower 3. “_ not?!” 4. Achilles, e.g. 5. Not home 6. Gas station abbr. 7. Paleozoic and Mesozoic 8. Ben’s Academy Award winner (2003)* 9. Dr. J’s first pro league 10. Bills 11. Big blow 12. Physics calculation 15. Copy cats? 20. Hit the slopes 22. Kind of bran 25. “Mangia!” 27. Completed 29. Biography of a beam of light (2004) 30. Fits 31. Sequel to Motorcycles (2006)* 33. Hurt badly 34. Voting “no” 35. Schooner part 36. _ nous, home (Fr.) 37. Saintly glow 38. Early pulpit 40. Easy gait 44. Cry loudly 47. Outback runner 49. “I” problem 51.“___rang?” 53. Rocks, to a bartender 55. Greenland sight 57. Dislike, and then some 58. Grimalkin 59. Spielberg true-life drama (1991) 60. Rearward 61. “Hold on!” 62. Descartes’s “therefore” 64. Last call? 65. Actress Spelling 66. Michael Mann’s basketball team film (1995) 69. Hair goo 71. Cat’s drink 72. “Thar blows!” Office Cat Rooty sends a big thank you to Stumptown Coffee and Peets Coffee on Hawthorne for the generous donation o f the good stu ff for our vendors. Thank you!
