street roots
April 27, 2012
a wiser — albiet older — queer community
BY KATHRYN KENDALL
C O N T R IB U T IN G C O L U M N IS T
n 1975, if you were a smart woman and
an artist-activist, if you were cutting
edge, if you wanted to change the world
and yourself for the better, you came out.
Some just dabbled and experimented; some
found they were bisexual. But for some
women, for me, it was a time of earth-
shaking discovery. This is who I am. No
wonder I’ve had troubled relationships with
men. I was a lesbian all along. It never
occurred to me; I was that much out of
touch with my body and my feelings. I
rushed into lesbianism with relief,
recognition and joy. I had come home.
Like most of my friends, I loved lesbian
music before I came out. Chris Williamson,
Meg Christian, and Sweet Honey in the
Rock furnished the soundtracks of our lives
in the ‘70s. I joined a consciousness-raising
group. I cut off my long, hippie-girl hair,
bought Birkenstock sandals and an ear cuff,
traded dresses made of Indian bedspreads
for flannel shirts and jeans, and after three
years of seeking, I found a girlfriend and we
courted by reading each other poems by
Audre Lorde and Pat Parker. “Feminism is
the theory; lesbianism is the practice,”
wrote Ti-Grace Atkinson. “A woman needs a
man like a fish needs a bicycle,” wrote Irina
Dunn. We created lively activist
communities of like-minded women.
The heart of my personal revolution was
the Redstockings Manifesto, drafted in 1969
by a collective in New York City. It changed
my life irreversibly, years before I ever
found a woman who would make love with
me. It includes this statement:
Women are an oppressed class. Our
oppression is total, affecting every facet of
our lives. We are exploited as sex objects,
breeders, domestic servants, and cheap
labor. We are considered inferior beings,
whose only purpose is to enhance men’s
lives. Our humanity is denied. Our
prescribed behavior is enforced by the
threat of physical violence.
That made sense to me. Like many of my
I
Kendall is a photojournalist working with
Occupy Portland, writing for the Portland
Occupier. She is also a member o f Gay and Gray
and Old Lesbians Organizing fo r Change. She
holds a PhD in theater and is a retired professor.
She likes to be known simply as Kendall.
women friends, I admitted in my first
consciousness-raising group that I was a
survivor of sexual abuse; we were
astonished to discover how many of us had
been keeping that secret. Our husbands had
treated us like ornaments or slaves. Many of
us had married out of high school and had
children to raise, and we wanted a safer
world for them than our mothers had
provided for us.
We hung posters in our kitchens,
proclaiming Gertrude Stein’s famous motto:
“Women never do anything disgusting.” We
believed, at least until Margaret Thatcher
proved us wrong, that women were more
compassionate and nurturing than men.
Through the ‘80s and ‘90s, we grew up to
the fact that some women identify with the
oppressor; and some men are more
compassionate than some women. But we
were proud of what we were. Being lesbian
was a political orientation as well as a sexual
orientation.
Now those vibrant young lesbian singers
of the 1970s have white hair. The sexy
lesbian icons of the 80s, like Ferron and k d
lang, have acquired grandmotherly girth and
jowls. Tracy Chapman and Ani DiFranco are
young enough to be our granddaughters,
and they inhabit a Queer universe that
makes our radicalism seem outdated. Our
vibrant women’s communities, first
scattered by career mobility, are decimated
by retirement, death, financial hardship, and
diminishing physical capacity. After coming
out in a burst of political activism, we find
ourselves in elder housing and assisted
living centers where we are surrounded by
people who don’t get it.
If we have partners, we can’t share a
subsidized apartment because we aren’t
Dignity
Poverty
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married. Until President Obama changed
the rules, we couldn’t visit our partners if
they were in ICU, because we didn’t count
as “next of kin.” If we are single, we’re
invisible.
After I retired, I moved to Portland,
where I had long wanted to live. But I knew
nobody here; had no community. Aging
makes me vulnerable to abuse and ill-
treatment from care-givers and housing
administrators who wield power over me.
I’m not used to this. I joined Occupy
Portland and connected with other activists,
but as far as I know, I’m the only lesbian
actively involved. Already different because
of my age, I’m reluctant to correct young
activists who would be embarrassed to know
I ever had a sexuality. Old women aren’t
sexy. Eeeww.
Some of my neighbors are old farts and
curmudgeons who are my age or older but
missed the whole point of the ‘70s. They
think it was drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll. It
was, but for me it was also revolution.
Coming out was coming into my
authenticity. There was strength in it.
Waiting in line at the food pantry, at the free
clinic, at the office of aging and disability, it
is hard to feel strong. A bright young nurse
at the clinic asks me when is the last time I
had sexual intercourse. I am too weary to
explain.
Gay and Gray is a way for me to build
community with other old Queers, many of
whom have some shared history. Even
there, few are like me. Few came out
politically before they found a lover. Few
opened up to the truth about themselves as
part of a revolution. Not many discovered
their orientation by reading. But we do
share some history. We share the
e x p e rie n c e of aging an d vulnerability, of
prejudice and stereotypes. We share music,
books, movies, culture. We share the
isolation and invisibility of aging. Politically,
we make common cause: we don’t want to
go into the closet now.
Friendly House 4th Annual
Gay & Grey PDX Expo
Each year in Oregon another 4,300
LGBT adults turn 65. And that pace will
continue for the next 18 years as Boomers
reach retirement age.
Friendly House is hosting its 4th
Annual Gay & Grey PDX Expo, the largest
event of its kind in the country, on May
12, with the theme, Moving Forward,
Looking Back. This outreach event
addresses the social, health and housing
needs of Metro Portland's older LGBT
community. The Expo will take place at
Friendly House, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m., 1737
NW 26th (at Thurman), Portland, OR
97210,503-228-4391.
The event offers LGBT senior housing
resources; free health consultations such
as blood pressure, body mass index, and
HIV screening; gay friendly senior service
information; break-out sessions on topics
such as Sex After 60, LGBT travel and
recreation, living well with HIV, end of life
concerns & celebrations, and spirituality;
and demonstrations of practices such as
Zumba Gold, Tai Chi, and yoga. There
will be a vendor fair with a wide range of
agencies and businesses committed to
improving the lives of LGBT older adults
and seniors.
There will also be live music and food
for purchase from area restaurants. The
price of admission is a $5 suggested
donation; no one will be turned away.
Sponsorships of the event and proceeds
from food sales will support ongoing
advocacy and outreach by Friendly
House's Gay & Grey program.
Check out Street
Roots Vendor
Sam Al-Jondi's
new book, "Code
of Conduct."
Al-Jondi writes
about his
experiences and offers a fresh
perspective about the world we
ive in.
The books can be purchased at the
Multnomah County Central Library
on SW IOth Ave., on Kindle,
Amazon, and for $10 through
Street Roots at 211 NW Davis St.,
Portland, OR 97209.