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Street roots
April 1, 2012
Roasting our great citi , nation
’F W l W ’ F t f l I Ï I ' l I T
w
Street Roots sheds
journalistic ethics, gives up
elcome to the new edition of Street Roots. We
have given up. You’ll see our apathy and disgust
outlined in the next 15-pages of the newspaper.
Due to the lack of good news happening in the world and
our lack of ability to keep up with it, we’ve decided to
change our format to a satirical platform.
Street Roots will now say whatever we want, whenever
we want, attributing anything we want, to anyone we want.
While newspapers across the city are cutting back, these
changes will allow SR to be more competitive and cut as
many journalistic
——
corners as possible.
Ethics? Hahahaha!
Street Roots w ill now say
We’ve also decided nat 2
whatever we want,
cpy edt anymore; either.
whenever we want,
Why?
attributing anything we
“Newsrooms across
want, to anyone we want.
the city are scaling
back,” says Street Roots
publisher. “We think this
will help us cut our
editorial costs significantly and compete with other
newsrooms. Plus, Street Roots can actually start telling the
truth about most of the horse-trading that actually makes
this city run. It’s going to be one big sh*t-storm when it’s
all said and done.”
In this edition of the newspaper, we start with questions
and answers with the mayoral candidates, completely
ignore the city council candidates and give readers a look
into what really happens when a family goes to IKEA. We
claim to talk to President Obama, trash every other media
outlet in the city and tell how the police bureau is the only
organization in the city that is off-limits to anyone at city
hall. Wait, that’s not satirical.
The next edition of the newspaper will cover the life and
times of local travel and entertainm ent writers who make
W
Israel Bayer is the
executive director o f
Street Roots. You can
reach him at israel@
streetroots.org
elcome to the fourth annual
April Fools’ edition — one of the
most popular papers of the year.
If you are a new
reader to Street
Roots, or new to the
city, this edition of
the paper “roasts” the
City of Portland, and
most of its citizens
By Israel Bayer
and brave leaders.
■■ h m h h h m m i
Yes, it’s a tad bit
controvesial, but it’s
meant to be good fun.
We work hard to
give Portlanders a
professional
newspaper that offers
people experiencing homeless and poverty
an income to improve their quality of life.
We throw most of that professionalism out
LETTERS
It appears that readers have opinions too
re you going to do anything on “The
Hunger Games?” It’s a new movie that
is now playing and I think you should
interview the people in it. I would buy it,
and it would be really popular with your
readers.
-D ESTIN EE
Gresham
A
Googled “Hunger Games” and Street
Roots new website came up. I don’t
understand why.
I
-BOB
Alnki
halt a living o lt or g e ttin g sm a s h e d a t lo ca l b re w e rie s a n d
reporting on it. We will also be looking at just why people
who live in Portland actually start to believe in March that
the rain will stop in April. Not happening people.
Local politicians called the move by Street Roots
disappointing, but noted that it’s mostly just wasted space
anyway, unless of course, “They make us look good and put
us on the cover. Then we love them .”
Readers are thought to be more confused than ever.
After battling stereotypes for years that Street Roots was a
paper for “those people.” (You know, the homeless.) One
observer noted that they always thought SR was a religious
pamphlet, like “Awakening.”
A spokesperson for Street Roots didn’t disagree, saying
reading the new format is going to be one hell of an
awakening for some people. Politicians and high-profile
people around the region are already exploring bringing
legal action against the paper and have made inquiries with
the Oregon Attorney General.
Street Roots made up several responses to the
allegations saying, “We hadn’t realized the courts were
actually interested in justice, especially post 9-11. It’s not
like we’re torturing anyone, and even if we were, we feel
pretty confident that’s constitutional too.”
Readers have responded to the changes with mixed
reviews. One thing is clear said one reader, “Street Roots
needs to shorten its editorials in the future, if not remove
them altogether for the lack of concentration and depth.”
street vendors or by subscription. We are proud
members of the North American Street
Newspaper Association and the International
Network of Street Papers.
gig | I
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SwMH
Street Roots
211 NW Davis S t
Portland, OR 97209
503-228-5657
Fax: 503-227-3117
www.streetroots.org
www.streetroots.wordpress.com
Grant Writer Sarah Cloud
the door for this edition of the paper. And
readers respond.
Saying all of that, we do our best to
present the April Fools’ edition with tact
depending on your point of view. If you have
made the final cut, we hope you can sit back
and have a laugh with us. Like the great
Mark Twain once wrote, and most likely
plagiarized, “Humor is the good natured
side of a truth.”
We sincerely appreciate all of your
support, week in and week out and cannot
thank you enough for all of the love that you
show the many vendors who sell the
newspaper. Without readers like you and
the many businesses throughout Portland
that work with us, Street Roots wouldn’t be
possible.
Enjoy this edition of the paper. We raise
our glass to you with a very special toast...
lease interview Jennifer Lawrence who
plays Katniss in the new “Hunger
Games” movie. She is so beautiful, and
people would really love to hear what she
has to say. Please?!?
-S IE R R A
Portland
P
’ve been buying Street Roots since way
back, back when it was the Burnside
Cadillac in 1998. It’s changed so much —
you’re a bunch of sell-outs now. Look at you,
putting people on the cover that might be
interested in buying a newspaper from a
vendor. I liked it much better when most
people didn’t want to buy the paper, but it
was made for people like me. You know, the
activist type. I try to support the homeless
whenever I can, I just wish Street Roots felt
the same way.
I
haven’t seen your review of “The Hunger
Games” in the paper yet. Have I missed
it? It’s really, really, really good. The story’s
really interesting and it has lots of cool
scenes to look at. I’ll look for it on your new
Web site, www.streetroots.org. Thank you
for all you do!
-L E E S A
Beaverton
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’m a little put off by the April Fools
edition of the paper. I really have
come to expect more from Street
I
Roots.
I support your vendors, but I’m having a
real hard time supporting the newspaper
itself. You have the opportunity to do so
much more. All of the writers at Street
Roots have sunken to a new low in my book.
-JA K E
Beavertron
-L E E S A
Tigard
WHAT DO
YOU THINK?
Send letters to the editor to the Street Roots
office, 211 NW Davis St., Portland, OR 97209, or
e-mail to joanne@streetroots.org.
Christine Gadeholt, Mary Pacios, Leo Rhodes, Jan
Bayer, Eliese Baker, Sue Zaiokar, Tave Drake,
Michael Moore, Malka Davis, Robert Britt, Una
Zakas
run
i sssseaeso
iz A . . ; . . . : . . . , .
Street Roots Rose City Resource
Street Roots publishes the Rose City Resource, a
comprehensive booklet o f services for people
experiencing homelessness and poverty.
To inquire about getting an order of the Rose City
Resource for distribution, please write to
pdxrosecityresource@gmail.com. Resources are also
available online at www.rosecityresource.org.
Cc
goes toward
printing costs
Vendor orientations are at 1 p.m. every Monday,
Wednesday and Friday at the Street Roots office.