street roots
16
M ay 13, 2011
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street
roofs
HOROSCOPES U
By Soup Can Sam, staff astrologisi
Taurus (April 21-May 20)
We are surrounded by poisonous things and we act like
we’re allOK! Thereare plants - growing right under our
noses, that even with a dousing of Thousand Island, care
more for their preservation than our satisfaction! Don’t
sink your teeth into just anything this month. Keep your
liver strong for the m inor indescretion and don’t put
anything in your mouth that’s covered in a m ayonaise
sauce until well after August.
G e m in i (M a y 2 1 -J u n e 2 1 ) Seek out the
massage this month, from friends, lovers, strangers,
fence posts. There’s magic in the rub, the laying on
of hands. It’s an appetite enhancing, anger
suppressing, love inducing way to get to know
someone better, and for all we know it probably
fights free radicals to boot! Get your rub on today!
C a n c e r (J u n e 2 2 -J u ty 2 2 ) It’s time like these
when you should be thankful for just about anything.
Life will take you in 12 directions this year, and at
least eight of them won’t be what you were
expecting. Expect to be thrown for a loop this week.
Take it in stride, and you’ll rebound quickly. Over
think it, and you’re screwed.
the workplace. You may not find it deep down within
yourself either. Maybe it’s out in the world, waiting for
you, or right before your very eyes. Have an open
mind.
V irg o (A u g . 2 4 -S e p t. 2 2 ) If you think for one
minute that you’re secure in your ability to access
every little thing life has offered for you, you’re
wrong. Like really wrong. Don’t hesitate to walk the
long road and sing a simple song. Your destination is
the same in the end. Enjoy the ride. (And please
stop bitching.)
L ib ra (S e p t. 2 3 -O c t. 2 3 ) There’s times when it’s
right, and times when it’s wrong. Doesn’t matterif
you’re not following your dreams. Reach out for the
impossible. You might be surprised what comes.
S c o r p io (O c t.2 4 -N o v . 2 2 ) Your future doesn’t
look so bright. I suggest doing something that makes
you uncomfortable this month. Maybe something
you’ve never done before. Find your inner child and
experience the thrill of discovery. Be honest with
yourself.
S a g itta riu s (N ov. 2 3 -D e c .2 3 ) Find some flowers
around the neighborhood, and deliver them to
someone who needs a pick me up. It win mean the
world to someone. Plus, you’ll feel better. It’s a win-
win, so long as you don’t get caught trimming flowers
from the neighbor’s yard.
L e o (J u ly 2 3 -A u g . 2 3 ) There’s a reason they say C a p ric o rn (D e c . 2 4 -J a n . 1 9 ) This is the part in
money won’t buy you love. Neither will success in x the show when things get a little blurry. You have
i r NX , 8st
Porttend,OR972M
something to prove. You have no idea what. You
need something new. Something fresh. You haven’t
a clue. Maybe you leave your partner, your job, you
buy a One-way ticket to somewhere nice. Maybe you
don’t change your clothes for days on end. Whatever
it id, it’s OK. Whatever way you decide to go is fine. -
There’s no wrong or right way, just yoyr way.
Embrace it-
A q u a r iu s (J a n . 2 0 -F e b . 1 9 ) It’s a sunny day.
Won’t be long. Haha! Raining again. Yep. Sounds
like your mood, moody. Stop being such a stick in
the mud. And please, with the whole moral judgment
thing. Stop being so god damn politically correct and
inject some fun into the game, life that is. What does
this all mean? Short-sentences. Ban run-on
sentences from your way of life. Now. Be free. Fly.
P is c e s (F e b . 2 0 -M a rc h 2 0 ) Congrats. You have
the shortest horoscope of the week. Soup Can isn’t
saying it’s a bad thing. Just is. Be on your toes.
Anything could happen.
A rie s (M a rc h 2 1 -A p ril 2 0 ) It’s becoming harder
and harder to understand the world around us.
Twitter says that Facebook has left behind My Space
and Hotmail. Woooo, wooo, Wait, what? You’re
looking for connections on Linked In. You lose. Like
bad. Really bad. Note: Successful people don’t need
a Linked In account, and other people don’t care.
Stop already.
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