BY STACY BROWNHILL
STAFF W R IT E R
or a while, Bruce Meisner and Bob Rupar
were attending a funeral a week. The two
energetic, grey-haired men in their 70s,
partners of 40 years, recall the Reagan era as a
dark time when male friends were quietly dying,
childless and spouseless, from an epidemic no one
acknowledged: AIDS.
Today, Meisner, Rupar and other gay seniors of
their generation still live in the shadows. There are
an estimated 10,000 gay seniors in Portland, and
around 3 million nationwide, according to the most
conservative estimates. Many are battling a double
dose of vulnerability that wreaks havoc on their
finances, health and emotions.
Portland’s own gay elder advocacy group, Gay &
Grey PDX, is on the frontlines of fighting that
vulnerability. Supported by the community
nonprofit Friendly House in Northwest Portland,
the team of about 20 advocates and allies organizes
benefit events and conducts educational workshops
in nursing homes to raise awareness about
discrimination that many don’t even realize exists.
The group is a rarity - Gay-Straight Alliances
and United Sexuality clubs are becoming common
in schools, but gay senior support groups are
virtually nonexistent. Consider the last time you
heard of an LGBTQ group at your grandma’s
nursing home, or similarly elder statesmen at the
Pride Parade.
But a new awareness is gaining steam and
Oregon leaders are joining the cause. Gov. John
Kitzhaber is proclaiming May 21 as “Gay & Grey
Day” in Oregon, and Secretary of State Kate
Brown is reading the official proclamation at the
F
Gay & Grey PDX Expo at Friendly House on
Saturday, May 21.
Double dose of vulnerability
LGBTQ seniors are more likely to live alone and
five times less likely to access senior services than
their heterosexual peers, according to Services &
Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and
Transgender Elders (SAGE). Gay seniors are also
more likely to lack adequate support networks,
especially since many do not have children to care
for them as they age, according to SAGE.
More than 1,000 federal marriage benefits are
denied to gay couples, many hitting gay seniors the
hardest, including medical decision-making power
and hospital visitation rights, Social Security
survivor benefits, Medicare spousal benefits,
inheritance of a spouse’s estate, and financial
decision-making power on a spouse’s behalf.
When Rupar was hospitalized in Arizona, nurses
would not let long-term partner Meisner see him
because he wasn’t a family member. They would
not tell Meisner Rupar’s condition or even if Rupar
was still receiving care. In other states, hospitals
recognize domestic partnership certificates, but an
individual nurse or administrator can still “make it
difficult in a difficult time,” says Gay & Grey PDX
member Sharon Messerschmidt, who dreads what
would happen if her partner of 26 years, Jo
Hamilton, should enter the hospital.
“If one of us were to become widowed,”
speculates Hamilton, “how would we grieve?
People would say, ‘I’m so sorry about your
husband,’ but I would be mourning Sharon.”
Whereas a heterosexual older couple wouldn’t
think twice about moving into a nursing home -
together, many same-sex senior couples hesitate to
divulge their sexual orientation to health and
housing providers because they fear prejudice, and
struggle with the idea of coming out anew in
retirement.
“Until I started coming to Friendly House,” says
Messerschmidt, “I referred to Jo as ‘my partner’
purposefully, as a cover.” Rupar laughs, saying he
frequently refers to Meisner as his partner only to
get the response, “what business are you in?” Both
Messerschmidt and Rupar say they did not always
correct people.
Martha Wright, Marketing and Communications
Coordinator for Friendly House, weighs concerning
questions: “In nursing home facilities where care
workers come from a conservative religious
background, are they delivering care to gay seniors
with compassion? Are (gay senior couples) free to
be in the same apartment? Will they be separated
from their loved ones? The bottom line is there are
policies that are flat-out unfriendly toward gay
seniors.”
Gay & Grey PDX
members (clockwise,
top right) Bob Rupar,
Jo Hamilton, Sharon
Messer Schmidt and
Bruce Meisner.
PHO TO BY JENNIFER
JANSONS
Changing for the better
In response to gay seniors’ worries about
discrimination, gay retirement centers are
springing up nationwide. The Palms of Manasota in
Palmetto, Florida, Triangle Square in Hollywood,
California, and RainbowVision in Santa Fe, New
Mexico are just a few that cater specifically to .
LGBTQ elders.
See GAY AND GREY page 12
— ■
‘FBI: Taken’
exhibit resonates
with Portland
film m aker
Documentary looks
inside a different kind
o f internment camp
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Poetic justice
Street poets break
down stereotypes
and prejudice with
the power o f words
Page 8
UNITING
COMMUNITIES
Western States, United
Communities joins SR commentary
Page 14