- ‘■Tfa-
Dear Uncle Mike,
I’m a happily m arried woman
seriously considering divorce. Two
years ago, I m arried a wonderful man. It
was the second marriage for both of us
and we went into it with the idea it
would be our last. My husband has a
daughter from his first marriage. She
was sixteen when her father and I got
together and she’s now twenty-one.
The two of us would probably never be the best of friends, but our relationship
was basically a good one. She moved away to go to school ju st before her father
and I got married. The past two years have been everything I’d hoped for. I love
my husband very much and we are happier together than I ever imagined I could
be with anyone. The problem is his daughter. The relationship she was in fell
apart (I can understand why) and she moved back hom e three m onths ago “to get
back on her feet” and our life has gone to hell.
She has a good job as a waitress in a nice restaurant and makes good
money. She has never contributed a penny to the household. Money was never
mentioned when she moved in because she was pretty badly shaken up. Although
it wasn’t what I wanted, I understood she needed som e help and I was perfectly
willing to give it. I’m not willing to be a sucker and th a t’s what I’m feeling like.
I’m beginning to see a side of my husband I’m not comfortable with at all.
He makes excuses for her behavior - she rarely lifts a finger, stays out late and
brings dates home to “kick back” in her room. She m akes a point of being nice to
me but I overheard her telling someone on th e phone th a t “Dad’s really cool and
his wife is okay but she gets on my nerves." I told my husband about it and he
dismissed it as normal behavior between step daughters and step moms. I don’t
think living under someone’s roof and eating their food and cutting them behind
their back is normal. I think she’s turned into a conniving little m anipulator
who’s got her father wrapped around her finger. She can be very charming.
My husband and I have begun arguing about her and it’s beginning to
have a negative effect on our relationship. He says she’ll move out eventually. I
can’t see why she would. I w ould appreciate your thoughts and any suggestions
you have for resolving this before I leave h er the house and her father.
JoAnne
Paul Torian
December 8 - January 5
ArtSpace Gallery
in Bay City
C annon B each
In Coaster Theater Courtyard
(Established 1977
Paul Torian has lived in the Nehalem Valley for about 15
years. He lives close to the Acey Line thin and has been up there
to observe what's been happening. He's very concerned about
forest issues and those issues have been a focus of his art
(assemblages, sculpture, paintings and drawings) almost forever.
Paul is also a Viet Nam vet who is skeptical about the motives
underlying the current conflict...and of course the Gulf War.
Torian s work has consistently explored the tension
between industrial society and its impact on the natural world.
Images combine familiar evocations of nature, especially massive
tree trunks, counterpoised with equally fam iliar images of
industry gears, tools, industrial machinery. Paintings and
drawings from the last year have a lighter quality, incorporating
translucent color which creates its own tension—an emotional
lightness that belies the intensity o f the drawn images beneath
the paint.
Featuring Northwest, California
& Imported W ines
Collector W ines Through
Current Vintages
Featuring Over 1000 Wines
W ine Racks, Glasses,
& W ine Related Items
Wine Tasting
Every Saturday Afternoon
1-5 PM
Different W ines From
Around the World
Each W eek
_ Besides drawings and paintings, this show w ill present
for the first time examples of Torian’s "gas pump" series—
antique gas pumps burnished, painted and supplemented with
images that evoke the connection between oil consumption and
current events. Torian has been working on the pump series since
1991 and the Gulf War.
Open 11AM-5PM - Closed Tuesdays
436-1100
124 N. Hemlock, P.O. Box 995
Cannon Beach, OR 97110
Opening Reception Saturday, Dec. 8, 3 - 6 pm
ArtSpace Gallery
Hwy 101 and 5th St., Bay City, Oregon
Gallery hours are Fridays and Saturdays, 12 to 8 pm, and
Sundays 11 to 4 pm. ArtSpace includes not only the gallery, but
a café serving great food. Reservations are recommended for
77
Dear JoAnne,
The situation you describe is what family counselors call a dog th a t won’t
hunt. While it’s hard to get a clear take on reality from your perspective alone, I’d
say the young woman needs to find her own place; if only to escape very probable
violence at your hands. Uncle Mike has been accused in the past of defending the
failings of young women m ore rigorously th an he defends the failings of young
men. Being a man, Uncle Mike merely finds the ill behavior of young m en less
interesting and charming. Familiarity can and does breed contem pt.
Which brings us back to the young wom an squatting unpleasantly in your
life. If she is able, as it sounds th at she is, to afford even a fourth floor walk-up
with a bath down the hall, she needs to pack her stuffed anim als and get to
stepping. Even am ong parents and children, there are rules of hospitality. She is,
by your description, laughing in the face of them . Since she is behaving, not like
family, but like a privileged guest, she needs to be let know her privileges have
nearly expired.
You m ention no children of your own. W hatever is, is right. While you’re
having second thoughts about your husband for standing by his daughter in an
unsettled tim e of her life, you m ight thank w hatever powers you believe in for
being m arried to a m an who will. There are m any character flaws greater than
this; lack of patience and com passion being two of them .
dinner and can be made by calling 503/377-2782.
Bay City is located five miles north of Tillamook.
Presents:
The Annual Docents Show
ttw W 6
-io«
C r o i s s a n t s
t e r n
hite
I b ts s tm
S o u ? I SRU0R1E5
uiu > im &
The Cannon Beach Arts Association is a non-profit
m ultidisciplinary arts organization run almost entirely
by volunteers. During the m onth of December the work
of m any volunteers, them selves artists, will be
showcased in the Cannon Beach Gallery. Included are
m any local favorites.
hemukk
MlBTOWN CANNON BEACH
December 8th - December 31st, 2001
Opening reception
Saturday, Dec. 8th, from 6-8pm
visca-server. com ******
Dear Uncle Mike,
A m onth ago I m et a guy at a dance club and wound up going hom e with
him. It was the first one night stand I’ve ever done. It seem ed okay at th e tim e
but he keeps calling me and wanting to hang out. He’s nice but I’m not interested
and he won’t give up. He lives a hundred m iles away and last week he drove
down and showed up where I w o rk I feel like I’m being stalked. W hat do I do? I
don’t w ant to be mean but I’ve tried everything else.
Nicole
W eb H osting @ $957Y éar
Dear Nicole,
Uncle Mike will begin with the assum ption the young m an is not a
sociopath. Surprising you at work does not, by itself, qualify as stalking. It does
qualify as unacceptably annoying behavior. Uncle Mike would first recom mend
not confusing being honest with being mean. If you haven’t told the poor mope
you’re not interested in furthering, o r even continuing, the relationship, you
really should. Being honest isn’t being mean, it’s being honest. In any case, when
he calls, you m ust be “ju st heading out the door.” If he shows up, you m ust “be
busy” or “already have a date with a friend.” Cooling his ardor isn’t being mean;
it’s being kind. He’s obviously deeply sm itten with you and the only way he’s
going to wake from his impossible dream is tty being sm itten by someone else.
Giving him th at opportunity is an act of com passion.
U7
"Back to Black...D raw n to Painting...
A Form ula on P ast and R ecen t E vents"
a showing of work by Oregon coast artist
Cannon Beach Gallery
1064 S. Hemlock
Cannon Beach, OR
(503) 436-0744
Open Thursday - M onday 9:30am - 4pm
We are proud to be
hosting the
A V A G a lle ry presents:
upperleftedge.com
A showing of Outsider Art
Passionate Outsider
domain.
Featuring:
info:
Roger McKay, Michael De Waide
Jerry Harley, Roger Hayes
Diane Pile, John Holstein, Paul Evalt
And Representatives of
Seattle’s Garde Rail Gallery
http:ffvisca-server.comfhosting fengf
****** lou@visca. com ******
Running through December
AVA Gallery
108 10th Street, Astoria
we 7 c 7 /wcMwe
iL L A M o o k
H ead
ES o o k ' s
NEW
U SE D B O O K 5
-J P E C IA L ORDERS
150 A ve .U, S e a s id e '
77W7 77667
77?«* 977V5
SOARING CRANE GALLERY
Ground floor Inn at Cape Khvanda
1-877-397-8444
Pacific City
We must make our world honest before we can
honestly say to our children that honesty Is the best
policy.
—George Bernard Shaw
/ft (yfteje (77 76-tv
67t>,./7M 37¿73-6 6 7 7
w w w .n w b y n w g a lle r y .c o m
77777 /5 0 3 /S 7 3 -6679
“My favorite spot to wander is Northwest By Northwest Gallery
with it’s extensive collection of exquisite works by regional artists.”
J im
P a a r
4
When you are In a hole, stop digging.
— Denis Healey
i/P(V(?ierreDGe DecenseR 200)
K in o w c u u
a r r ic e
C annon
K
a cm
H ox
• Northwest Travel, July/August 1999
3 8 2
, O R 9 7 1 IO
F H O N I SO 3 • 4 3 6
* 2 3 5«
Pacific Northwest Contemporary Fine Art & Fine Craft
Celebrating 14* Year in Cannon Beach
PO. Box 1021 • 239 North Hemlock • 503-4364)741