Dear Uncle Mike,
I have been in this relationship
for two years that is going nowhere. So I
really just want this person to either get
with the program (marry me) or go away
(like now). I hate to be a (female
canine) but 1 can live with it. Any
advice?
If you want to understand democracy,
spend less time in the library with Plato
and more time in buses with people.
Simeon Strunsky
Karynn Online
Dear Karynn,
Before Uncle Mike wades into your complex situation, allow him
to comment on your name Clever spellings usually make Uncle Mike
gag. He thinks yours is a very pretty rendition. As regards your love life,
he would recommend offering your hand once more to the man, making
certain he understands it's become a one time offer. If he needs more time
to think, give him whatever time you've been wasting on him. No fault,
no error, no blame. Just get on your horse and ride away.
C N U P IO fN
Dear Uncle Mike,
Men never make any great, foolish gestures anymore. My
suspicion is they never did. I'm talking, o f course, about women. I've
heard these stories all my life, but I've never actually met a man "ruined"
by a woman (I've met plenty o f women ruined by men). Where are these
great mythical creatures? Are there any left in the South? And while
we're at it, I’d like to meet the woman who could inspire such behavior.
Thanks. I feel better now.
Mary, Portland, Oregon
D ez^C M
m N O S N Q e
L ic e n s e d M a s s a g e T h e ra p y
P a in & S tress R e lie f Y- D e e p T is s u e
S w e d is h -O R e la x a tio n
V A L O R E E G IF T , L M T
5 0 3 -4 3 6 -2 4 2 5
P.O . B o x 8 7 2 • C a n n o n B e a c h , O re g o n 9 7 1 1 0
Dear Mary,
Uncle Mike is glad you feel better. He feels pretty good himself,
although slightly sad that the men in your life have been, from the sounds
o f things, tragically downsized. Any man not inspired by love to do grand
and foolish things is a man busy dying. For better or worse, civilization
was built largely by men trying to impress a woman. One o f the great
lessons love delivers to men is that there are people in the world more
important than themselves; people worthy o f grand dreams and noble
gestures; people who embody, as well as inspire, the union o f flesh and
spirit. Falling in love is a religious experience which, by definition,
should transform us. Done properly, we become a better version of
ourselves. For men, this means becoming a willing fool for love,
something women seem to do more naturally. (If women weren't willing
to love unconditionally, and without reason, men would be even lonelier
than they are.) For the magic to work, men must be willing to be inspired
and women must be willing to inspire them Sadly, Inspiration is now a
perfume and will soon be a car model. We are being led, by those who
want our money, to surrender to our idiot wants instead o f to our needs.
We eat life as if were fast food and wonder why our spirits wither. We are
taught the lie that the human adventure boils down to loving things and
using people. Uncle Mike hates to sound like a greeting card but the
human adventure involves only one thing: love. Behind all the bells and
whistles, we all want to feel good, we all want to be happy. Falling in
love is pure joy, which is to say, a religious experience. When we love we
become twelve pounds o f human in a ten pound bag. We become aware
o f deep secrets hiding in plain sight. We experience what it means to be
alive. (The end result is being able to fall in love with a radish, but we
needn't go that far here.) Men do grand and foolish things because women
make them understand that grand and foolish things need to be done.
Unless we learn not merely to love but to make our love a force in the
world, we’re worse than foolish. We're fools. Thank you. Uncle Mike
feels even better now.
W ATSU
M 3 N IIEMLOCK • CANNON BEACH
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GREGORY KAFOLRV
202 Oregon Pioneer Building
320 S.W. Stark Street
Portland, OR 97204
Dear Uncle Mike,
Did God really talk to Jesus literally? What do you think?
Shelly in Corvallis, Oregon
Phone:
Í5O3) 224-2647
C annon B each O utdoor W ear
Dear Shirley,
Uncle Mike has no problem with the notion o f God talking to
anyone. The ineffable unity behind the world is babbling happily to us all
the time. Our great teachers are those with the wisdom to listen longer
and harder to the silence. They're easily spotted by their generosity and
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