(continued on page 2)
Fast Asleep in Apartm ent 6
A fter the Ralph Nader Rally
escorted m yself and a cameraman into the back
stage area and gave us passes that said "Speaker."
He explained that that would get us in anywhere,
but looking me straight in the eye said, "But please,
B illy , don't go on stage." 1 wouldn't have dreamed
o f wrenching the microphone away from Lloyd
Marbet and yelling, "Free Leonard Peltier!" or "A
National Bottle B ill, N o w !!" and besides, Winona
LaDuke was standing nght there, so I talked to her
for a moment, and asked i f I could see her after her
Nader
Notes
speech
I don't like to sit down in huge crowds, so I
wandered around, using my magic pass to the
lim its I talked to Security folks. One woman
standing by the edge o f the main floor, keeping
traffic flow ing and the entrances clear, said, “ This
sure isn't like a Hockey game, where we deal w ith
drunken fans all night, these folk are nice.” The
crowd was huge, but polite as well as enthusiastic.
Winona generated cheers and laughter, but
everyone was waiting for Nader.
1 was backstage when he came through, in
his trade mark blue suit, and gangling walk,
proceeded by a few security guys who looked like
they used the same tailor as John G otti; weird. But,
Ralph, typically, stopped to get his picture taken
w ith a kid w ho was truly excited and totally
unafraid, his Mom had told him this was a nice
man, period
I f you have never heard Ralph Nader speak,
you must knows that he mostly speaks in lists. He
w ill talk about a problem and give you a list o f
reasons for that problem and a list o f solutions to
that problem. He w ill give you a list o f problems.
He is concise, and has done his homework, but he's
usually not as passionate as he was in the coliseum
in front o f the biggest crowd he has ever faced.
When I say passionate and Ralph Nader in the same
sentence, some folks m ight laugh, but it's true.
Nader's passion is not the hot backseat kind you get
w ith some politicians, his is a permanent passion for
fair play, justice, and the people's rights, more like a
marriage than an affair. George W ill has called him
"the national scold" because o f his years o f trying to
find solutions to our national problems. And ifs
true he does scold corporations and politicians for
their behavior Someone has to. A t one point in his
speech, he launched into a list o f what was needed
to make this country better, and way up in the
nosebleed sections there began a stomping o f feet,
matching the cadence o f his list, soon it spread until
the whole arena was stomping and clapping and as
he looked up and realized he was at the end o f his
list, he stopped and looked out at the crowd, a little
amazed by them A huge wave o f cheers and
applause echoed around the place as he stood there,
I think, truly humbled by the energy o f the people.
I wandered backstage and got Last Standing
Woman autographed by Winona LaDuke, and it
The vilest deeds like poison weeds
Bloom well in prison air;
It is only what is good in M an
That wastes and withers there.
Oscar W ilde
WHERE TO GET AN EDGE
Cannon Beach Jupiter’s Rare and Used Books,
Osburn a Grocery, The Cookie Co.. Coffee Cabaña.
Bill s Tavern. Cannon Beach Book Co.. Hanes
Bakerie. The Bistro. Midtown Café. Once Upon a
Breeze. Copies A Fax Haystack Video. Mariner
M arket. Espresso Bean. Ecola Square flr Cleanline
S u rf
M anzanita: Mother Nature's J u k e Bar.
Cassandra s. Manzanita News A Espresso. A
Nehalem Bay Video
Rockaway: Neptune's Used Books
T illa m o o k : Rainy Day Books A Tillamook Library
Bay City: Art Space
Yachats: By-the-Sea Books
Pacific City: The River House.
Oceanside Ocean Side Espresso
L in c o ln C ity: Trillium N atural Foods. Driftwood
Library. A Lighthouse Brewpub
Newport: Oceana Natural Foods. Ocean Pube Surf
Shop. Sylvia Beach Hotel. A Canyon Way Books
Eugene Book Mark. Café Navarra. Eugene Public
Library. Friendly St. M arket. Happy Trails,
Keystone Café, Klva Foods. Lane C.C.. Light For
Music. New Frontier M arket. Nineteenth Street
Brew Pub. Oasb M arket. Perry's, Red Bam Grocery.
Sundance Natural Foods. U o í O. A WOW Hall
CorvaUls The Environmental Center. OSU
Salem: Heliotrope. Salem Library, A The Peace
Store
Astoria: KMUN. Columbian Café, The Community
Store. The Wet Dog Cafe. Astoria Coffee Company.
Café Uniontown. A The River
Seaside: Buck's Book Bam . Universal Video. A
Café Espresso
Portland: Artichoke Music. Laughing Horse
Bookstore. Act III, Barnes A Noble. Belmonts Inn.
Bibelot Art Gallery. Bijou Café. Borders. Bridgeport
Brew Pub. Capt'n Beans (two locations). Center for
the Healing Light. Coffee People (three locations).
Common Grounds Coffee. East Avenue Tavern.
Food Front. Gooee Hollow Inn. Hot Lips Pizza. Java
Bay Café. Key Largo. La Pattbserle. Lewis A Clark
College. Locals Only. M arcos Pizza. M arylhurst
College. Mt. Hood CC. Music Millenium, Nature s
(two locations). NW N atural Gas. OHSU Medical
School. Old Wives Tales. Ozone Records. Papa
Haydn. PCC (four locations). PSU (two locations).
Reed College. Third Eye. Multnoma Central
Library, and most branches A the YWCA.
Ashland Garos Java House. The Black Sheep.
Blue Mt. Café. A Rogue River Brewery
Cave Junction: Coffee Heaven A Kerby Community
M arket
Grants Pass: The Book Shop
(Out of Oregon)
Vancouver, WA: The Den
Longview. WA: The Broadway Gallery
Naselle, W A Rainy Day Artistry
N ahcotta. WA. Moby Dick Hotel
Duvall, W A Duvall Books
Bainbridge laland, WA Eagle Harbor Book Co.
Seattle, WA Elliot Bay Book Co.. Honey Bear
Bakery. New Orleans Restaurant. Still Life In
Fremont. Allegro Coffeehouse. The Last Exit Coffee
House. A BuUdog News
San Francisco, CA: City Lights Bookstore
Denver, Co: Denver Folklore Cente
W ashington, D.C.r Hotel Tabard Inn
(Out o f U.S-A.)
Paris, France: Shakespeare A Cle
B righton. England: The Public House Bookstore
was getting toward ten, when we’d all agreed to
meet back at the bus She agreed about Leonard,
and thought that a National Bottle B ill was a good
idea. I didn’ t mention that former Oregon
Republican Senator Mark Hatfield had introduced a
National Bottle B ill in the Senate every year for his
last few years in the “ greatest debating society on
There's something to be said
for a political rally that evokes
dreams of being naked in the same room
as the presidential candidate,
where nothing goes wrong and trust
carries through, into the waking day.
by M ichelle Frost
| r "U P P E R - L E F T - E D G E - J
E d ito r/P u b lis h e r/J a n ito r:
The Beloved Reverend Billy Lloyd Hulls
Graphics Editor The Humble Ms. Sally
Louise Lackaff
Copy Editor/Sclenca Edilor/Voica
of Reason/Uncla Mike/etc.: Michael
Burgess
W ildlife Info rm an t/M u sic Reporter
at Large: Peter ’ Spud" Siegel
Im p ro visational E n g in eer
Dr. Karkeys
Education Editor. Peter Lindsey»
June's Garden: June Kroft
Web W onder Woroan/Distribution
Diva/Subscriber's Sw eetheart
Myrna Uhlig
Bass Player Bill Uhlig
Eeola Ilahec Douglas Deur
Lower Left Beat: Victoria Stoppiello
Local C olour Ron Logan
Two Drinks Ahead. Damn Peters
Web Mother: Liz Lynch
Essential Services: Ginni Callahan
Ad Sales: Kathenne Mace
M ajor Distribution: Ambling Bear
Distribution
And A Cast O f Thousands!!
Advertising Rates
Business C ard size
l/l< t h approx. 3x5
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are usually on the streets by the first week-end
o f the month
By AJ Coyne
I was at the arcade recently with my five year old
nephew, we were in the middle o f a great round o f skeeball
when he grabbed my hand and suddenly pulled me away I
just assumed it was a child’s mind wandering to a different
game but when I turned to grab our tickets I saw what had
scared him There were two teenagers almost completely
horizontal on a pinball game, from the small part o f their faces
that wasn’t covered by each other I gathered that they were old
enough to know better but too young to be moving in the
rhythm they were. It could have been humorous i f I wasn t
seeing it through my nephew’ s huge brown eyes
Since then it seems like everywhere I turn I see not
only kids but also grown adults taking public displays o f
affection to the extreme. I don’t know why I never noticed it
before, maybe there are just more people in town to see; the
one thing I do know is it is making me sick I am sure we all
have seen the couple who instead o f holding hands are holding
butt cheeks, is this really necessary? A goodbye kiss is one
thing but to see people on street comers with their partner s
tongue down to their esophagus is a bit much, isn’t it? So the
question remains how much is too much
I had to take a closer look at myself after the arcade
situation 1 always felt my displays were tasteful while in the
presence o f others, but as I am thinking o f what is appropriate
I have found I might be guilty o f crossing the line on occasion.
Just last week I patted my boyfriend’ s bum while walking on
the beach w ith my brother and got the “ give me a break” stare
and a slight roll o f the eyes Maybe it is time we all take a
closer look at what we cause innocent bystanders to endure in
the name o f love and affection
I have come up w ith a few ideas o f what I believe to
be appropriate and distasteful. Let’ s start at the beginning
w ith the hug, it o f course is an accepted form o f showing
someone you care as long as the pelvic area does not move
and hands stay above the belt The kiss is a bit harder to
define I have always found the quick peck hello or goodbye
to be sweet I still love to see my parents give each other a
look only they understand followed by a small kiss I think
first o f all it is the length o f the kiss that crosses the line -- i f
you have to come up fo r air you have gone too far Secondly
there is the tongue involvement, my conclusion is there should
never be tongue in public unless it is at your wedding and
even then try to remember that others are in the room. Now
for the hard part, this is where I may cross the line from time
to time, where can your partner’s hands touch without causing
nausea in others? A hand simply placed on the knee seems
harmless enough but i f it starts to move does it change the
intent? What about touching the upper thigh or even the calf,
should these areas be out o f bounds? In my relationship it is
an innocent gesture o f affection that in no way could be
misconstrued as a sexual act, or so I thought Maybe the
young couple at the arcade thought their gyrating was a sweet
loving gesture also
To me it comes down to one simple solution, don’t
do anything you wouldn’t do in front o f your five-year old
nephew, or in the case o f the slobbering teenagers, just keep
your hands on the pinball flippers
I t is a blessed thing that in every age
someone has had the individuality
enough and the courage enough to
stand by his own convictions.
Robert G. Ingersoll
One man with courage makes a m ajority.
Andrew Jackson
Abstract ideas are the patterns two or
more memories have in common. They
are born whenever someone realizes that
similarity... Creative things may mean
simply the realization that there’s no
particular virtue in doing things the way
they always have been done.
they have been corrupted by lust fo r power. Not
that power is a bad thing, but the lust fo r it is. I t ’ s
like money isn’t the root o f all evil, the lust fo r
money is. There is another person seeking power,
seeking to lead the ‘ free w o rld ’ , and his name, a
fiv e letter word, and sounds like another word.
That word means "that which is opposite, or
opposed". But what is in a name?
Rudolf Flesch
A t the Shadow Convention, Ben Cohen of
Ben & Jerry’s ice cream gave the whole convention
a new ice cream bar called "Totally Nuts" after
speaking about how the richest twenty men in the
w orld (yes, they are all men) have more wealth than
the 480 poorest nations, combined. T otally nuts!!!!
A n earlier speaker explained that though the United
States has only 5% o f the w o rld ’s population, we
house 25% o f the w o rld ’s prisoners. M ostly for
drugs, but a lot because o f mental illness and some,
like Leonard Peltier, because they fought back when
the system oppressed them and their families.
Diane Fienstien, D- California, spoke about
campaign finance reform, and explained that it is
illegal fo r American corporations to do in foreign
campaigns what they do here. W hich is bribery. It
corrupts the system. I f B ill Gates gives Bush a
m illio n dollars apd I give Bush $1, guess who Bush
is going to invite over to talk about how the country
could be improved. So Bush is bought.
but with renewed hope.
There can be no daily democracy without daily
citizenship.
Ralph Nader
2
The next thing I know I'm naked
and nearly asleep when it occurs to me
"Ralph has no car, no way home,"
so I ask him, "Do you wanna crash here?"
He says, "ok" so I rise up
to get the extra sheets and a pillow.
He is smiling a most appreciative smile
when I approach him with his bedding.
Ralph makes up a bed on the floor.
Ralph is the kind of man who doesn't mind
sleeping on the floor in a pinch.
Llama Spit
"A sm all paper for a small planet."_______
earth” and well,...
We all made it back to the bus, and after a
stop at a ‘convenience’ store for treats, where Sarah,
a K-moonie, almost got carded w hile buying
chocolate m ilk, we came home to our ocean, tired
I listened to my friend Dick Wiesman sing a
song that he wrote about Karen Silkwood. Do you
remember her name? She was an employee o f K e n
McGee, a nuclear power company. She was
murdered while on her way to present evidence o f
her employer’ s crimes. Kerr McGee’ s crimes were
that they killed people. They killed people they
employed. They killed Karen. They killed others
and there are more, yet to be killed by them. Their
weapon was radiation, but that doesn’t matter.
What matters is that this corporation killed people,
to make money.
Folks, we are at a crossroads these days, we
must decide if we want to keep on this road we are
on or take another path. I f you ask any ‘expert’
who w ill be the next leader o f the ‘ free w o rld’ one
o f two words w ill be spoken. You can certainly
guess those words. They are both four letter words.
They are both dirty words. D irty, not just in the
sense that one is slang for a woman’s pubic area and
the other used to describe offal, but in the sense that
I dreamed Ralph was in my apartment,
talking on the phone, important, heated
conversations, raising Hell
right here in my own kitchen!
He carried on his campaigning
while 1 did my usual house chores
but how much more exciting,
him in the next room,
sticking it to the corporations...
For once I didn't mind washing the dishes,
folding laundry, sitting at my desk
with the sound of him, smart
and determined, inspiring me and
tearing up corruption single-handedly.
reminded o f L ily T o m lin ’ s line; "Even i f you win
the rat race, you’re still a r a t." M o lly Ivins says
"Ya gotta dance w ith them what brung ya." (Yes,
Thanatopsis boys, Stacey says the same thing.)
And the leading candidates fo r leader o f the ‘free
w o rld ’ was brung to the dance by the rich. But the
funny thing is fo r all his money and power, B ill
Gates only gets to vote once. And your vote counts
just as much as his does. He got to help choose one
o f the candidates, because o f his money, and he
chose Bush. I guess Steve Jobs chose Gore, judging
by the number o f iM ac’s on the convention flo o r in
LA . So, M icrosoft votes fo r Bush, Apple votes fo r
Gore, and the Upper Left Edge votes fo r Nader.
W orks fo r me.
Okay, so I watched Gore’s speech, and yep,
he pulled it o ff. And, yep, I hope he w ill be the next
President o f these United States. But I want him to
work his ass o ff fo r every vote. Talk about Nader
taking his votes? Gore has to take Nader’s votes,
because they aren't his, they aren’ t any body’ s. M y
hope is that Gore w ill barely win, and Nader w ill
get 20 to 30% o f the vote. And that the Reform
Party and the Green Party and the rest o f us w ill
figure out that we could have a choice o f the best o f
three. W in, Place, and Show. I mean, really, i f it is
going to be portrayed as a ‘ horse race' why don’t
we score it that way?
Under Clinton w e’ ve had a Democratic
President but we haven’t had a democratic country.
The disparity in wealth, the destruction o f the
environm ent, the war on drugs, the exploitation of
workers, the lack o f health care: hell, one third o f
the children in Los Angeles County live in poverty.
And Clinton collected $10 m illio n fo r his library
just by sitting down to lunch w ith the pretty people.
Now don’ t get me wrong, I like actors and
musicians, and I love libraries, but I like children
too. When I think about politics I ’ m always
UPPER LEFT ED6E SEPTEMBER 2000
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