Dear Uncle Mike,
I am a 14 year old girl and I am
writing to you because I am unhappy I
am not good looking. My mother says
I’m pretty in my own way but nobody
else thinks so. My girlfriends always
have boys around them, I don’t. I know
boys aren’t everything but I wish they
were interested in me and they aren’t.
My mother says be patient that boys learn to like girls not just
because they’re cute. (So much for being pretty in my own way,
huh?) I am writing to you because you have answered similar
problems from kids my age and I am hoping you can help me feel
better. I sure would like to.
Debbie, Portland, Oregon
Dear Debbie,
Uncle Mike is sorry to hear you’re unhappy. It happens to
all o f us from time to time. Whenever it happens to Uncle Mike,
he reminds himself that people are usually about as happy as they
decide to be. It may not make him feel better but it puts the ball
back in his court. Uncle Mike is happy when he looks for
something to be happy about.
Okay, let’s say for a moment you’re not this year’s
definition o f pretty. (Neither, if you must know the truth, is Uncle
Mike.) This does not, and will not, doom you to a life o f
loneliness. What could doom you to a life o f loneliness is to not
engage the world, and the clueless boys in it, as if what truly
matters is a person’s spirit and the greatness o f their heart.
Uncle Mike would strongly suggest you listen to your
mother. You are, believe it or not, an attractive young lady. Act
the part. Find something you do well and be all over it. Find
something you want to know and learn it. Find people you like to
be with and be with them. W e’re all attracted to people who are
a) interesting, and b) interested in us. Be that sort o f person.
Laugh whenever you can, smile often and mean it. There’s no
great mystery to finding happiness: we just need to actively, and
intelligently, seek it. People who are seeking it are more
attractive, and more intelligent, than people who aren’t. No one is
less attractive, or more dense, than boys who think girls are only
skin deep. With luck, and your help, they might grow up to be
men with a brain
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Portland
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Dear Uncle Mike,
I’ve been going out with this girl for about two months.
Last week I stopped by her place during the day without calling
and she was kissing a kind o f friend o f mine goodbye. They didn’t
see me and I just kept going. We went out that night and I waited
for her to say something but she didn’t. So I asked her if she was
seeing someone else and she said not really. So I told her I saw
her and this guy and she said he just came by to bring her some
(colloquial term for carefully cultivated hemp). I asked him and
he said there’s nothing going on but it sure looked like it to me.
I’d like to trust everybody but I don’t know. What would you do?
Shawn, Eugene, Oregon
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(503) 436-1572
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Dear Shawn,
Uncle Mike would give them the benefit o f the doubt.
Then Uncle Mike would wait and watch. What Uncle Mike
wouldn’t have done in the first place was drop by anyone’s home
without calling first. Very bad form.
Dear Uncle Mike,
An old and very dear friend o f mine is dying o f cancer and
I have been helping with her home care. She has been ill for some
time and her chemotherapy leaves her sick and exhausted. I count
her husband as a friend and the ordeal has been very hard on him.
I have never doubted their love for each other. I still don’t, even
after this: the other night after my friend had gone to sleep, he
asked if I would give him a (euphemism for fellatio). W e’re both
mature people and he explained that the stress and lack o f sex with
his wife were driving him to seek comfort elsewhere and since we
were friends... I nearly fell on the floor. I can (nearly) understand
that, since I am giving care to his wife, he might assume by some
male logic that I would do the same for him. I dealt with the
situation in my own way but would be curious to hear what your
response might have been had you been in my shoes.
Not Going There, Portland, Oregon
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Dear Not,
Uncle Mike would have offered his sympathy to hear the
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239 N HEM LO CK
CANNON BEACH, OREGON
UPPER LETT EDGE O6UST 2000
9
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