(Continued from page 1.)
Rev.
Hults
KAAAABOOM!
It's better to vote for what you want and
not get it than to vote for what you don't
want and get it. Eugene Debs
Editorial
Now & Then
Our constant readers are aware that your beloved rev.
does not drive cars any more. Goin’ on 20 years now. Taint
easy, but it’s worth i t So, in this little village, that means that
public transportation is the means of getting from point *A ’ to
someplace else.
Public transportation being the Cannon
‘owns’ Barkley; the opposite might be more correct Barkley
is a smallish varied-grey dog, long in body and short o f leg,
often with a fashionable hair cut in the summer months, and
an always polite well mannered air about him. Often when
making his rounds for handouts he w ill wait at a shuttle stop
and hop aboard for a ride to his next stop. The drivers have
A
always been accommodating and Barkley has become a
source o f amusement for the tourists. Recently another dog
has been riding the shuttle as well. A small black
Beach Shuttle, in this case.
The Shuttle is a curious thing. It began years ago as
a project of the Energy Committee during the “oil crisis” in
pomeranian-mix named ‘Lucky’ . Lucky, until one tragic day,
had previously belonged to what we now call a ‘transient,’ but
used to call a hobo.
While hitchhiking with his ‘owner’ Lucky was hit by
a car and two o f his legs were broken. By the time the vet had
patched him up the hobo was long gone and he was adopted
by one of the shuttle drivers, and spent his convalescence on a
small bed in the front o f the shuttle. His bones healed and he
the late Seventies, early Eighties, whatever.
It runs on natural gas, and is supported by a
voluntary tax that local business placed upon themselves. It is
also supported by advertising revenue from some of those
same businesses, and various grants for public transportation
from the federal government, etc.
Riding the shuttle is always interesting. In the
winter, locals who don’t drive, or don’t want to, take the
shuttle into town to check the mail or pick up some supplies.
In the summer they ride it so they won’t have to spend an hour
looking for a parking place. The tourists ride it to get a free
tour of the area, or so they don’t have to drive their mobile
homes into town to pick up a loaf o f bread. It runs from Les
Shirley Park to the last exit in Tolovana every half hour
between nine in the morning until seven at night in the
now greets riders while his owner is driving her shifts.
“ Isn’t that nice,” some folks say when they are told
the story. And we agree.
Regretfully we are not in charge. The driver was
recently told that there is a ‘no dogs’ policy on the shuttle.
Funny w e’d never heard o f it before. She asked if that
included Barkley, or was it just aimed at Lucky? And why is
that a policy anyway? Are we afraid the aforementioned pit
bull w ill be let loose in the back seats? O r perhaps an un­
house-broken puppy w ill do his business in the aisle? She
was given the option of keeping her jo b or keeping her dog
with her.
summer, and ten to six in the winter.
But this stoiy isn't only about the shuttle.
This story is also about dogs.
Regular readers are also aware that this paper has a
fondness for dogs, and cats, for that matter. They have been
featured prominently through the years. Recently we ran an
obituary for our beloved Obo on the front page.
But, that being said, your beloved editor is not what
you call *a dog person’. Your beloved editor doesn’t believe
in ‘owning’ living things. The only other living thing is his
house, if you don’t count the shower mold, is an aloe vera
plant that lives in the bathroom on a widow sill, and pretty
much fends for its self.
Dogs, like other animals that are ‘owned*, as opposed
to ‘free,’ tend to reflect their ‘owner’s’ attitudes and behavior.
This can be good or bad, and since not everyone is a good
person, every dog is not a good dog. Stepping on un-scooped
dog droppings is never a pleasant experience, nor is being
charged by a pair of hundred pound rottweilers while taking a
stroll on the beach. W hile your adrenaline reaches critical
mass, you can hear the faint voice of the ‘owner’ of the beasts,
hundreds of feet down the beach, assuring you that the dogs
just want to ‘play’ and suggests you try not to show fear.
Right.
But those are exceptions, and most visitors obey the
‘pooper-scooper’ and leash laws that we have here in the
village. Our leash law is interesting in that it has an
exception. It states that all dogs must be on a leash, or ‘under
voice command’. Voice command doesn’t mean y e llin g ‘ bad
dog’ at Satan the pit bull as he tears o ff the leg o f a small
child. Voice command means when you call, the dog comes
to you. Immediately.
Okay, so now we get to the heart o f the story. This
village has always had a number o f ‘town dogs*. Free
roaming, friendly, for the most part gentle mutts who make
the rounds of various restaurants and stores looking for hand­
outs and a scratch behind the ears every once in a while. But
as the town becomes more crowded, the town dog population
has been reduced to a precious few. One o f the last true town
dogs is Barkley. Barkley lives with Maggie, a local woman o f
sterling qualities and talents. We hesitate to say Maggie
As we stated before, our treatment o f animals often
reflects our attitudes and behaviors. When people say things
like, “I ’m sorry, but rules are rules,” it always makes me a
little cranky. Rules and laws are made by human beings, who
are by definition imperfect A casual reading o f the laws
made by any government body w ill reveal a host of
exceptions to each one. Congress routinely makes laws
designed for one person only. (Usually some person who
donates large amounts o f money to Congressional candidates.)
So, we suggest that an amendment be made to our
leash and shuttle laws that states, “W ell behaved ’town dogs*
shall be treated with respect and given the same privileges
granted to other citizens o f the village.”
A ll in favor bark twice.
August is upon us. And election year politics are
once again with us. Last month when we wrote about Ralph
Nader being our choice for President, we received a letter from
a woman in Astoria, suggesting that ‘to be fair’ we should also
give ‘equal space’ to the Libertarian candidate Harry Browne.
She obviously confused us with ‘journalists’. W e explained
that the space we give to any subject is equal to the amount o f
interest we have in that subject. W e don’t write about the
latest release from Disney, or the new Fox season, or the local
high school football team, nor do we have a list o f singles
seeking sex, or pages and pages o f ads for real estate and used
cars. Someone once said die Edge was a ‘personal paper*,
suggesting that your beloved editor’s opinion is law; tee hee,
we giggle Last month’s front page is a fine example. The
story by David Horowitz is exactly the kind o f thing that the
Edge rarely prints. The story included a graphic description o f
a tragic event during the V iet Nam war. A t first reading your
beloved editor decided not to print it. W hile making up the
paper die (formerly) humble Ms. Sally read the story and asked
why we weren’t printing it. Wasn’t tiiis the patriotic July
issue? Wasn’t this an important reminder, which included
stories about and by local people? She argued She then
decided that it belonged on the front page. But that was an
exception.
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”A am an papar for s r a s i plans«.*
Friends, we are losing our democratic
control over our country. We may have
already lost i t I hope not. But in the last
20 years of the Reagan administration,
Corporate America has merged and
morphed itself to such an extent that
just a handful o f companies now call all
the shots. They own Congress. They
own us. In order to work for them, we
have to take urine tests and lie
detectors and wear bar codes on chains
around our necks. In order to keep our
jobs we have had to give up decent
health care, the 8-hour day (and time
with our kids), the security that w e ll
even have a jo b next year, and any
unwillingness we may have to compete
with a 14-year old Indonesian girl who
gets a dollar a day.
And how frightening (and great) is it that
the last place we can freely try to inform
and communicate with each other is on
this very Web? Six companies run by six
men control the majority of the news we
now get from newspapers, television,
radio and the Internet. One out o f every
two books is bought at a bookstore
owned by one o f only two companies. Is
it safe in a "free society* to have the
sources o f our information and mass
communication in the hands o f just a
few wealthy men who have a V E S T E D
interest in keeping us as stupid as
possible - or at least in keeping us
thinking like them so that we vote for
T H E IR candidates?
I fear the cement on this new oligarchy
o f power is quickly drying, and when it is
finished hardening, we are finished. The
democracy, the one that's supposed to
be of, by, and for the people, w ill cease
to exist.
W e must not let this happen, no matter
how cynical and disgusted we've
become at the whole electoral process.
Ralph Nader, to me, represents a
chance for us to at least temporarily
stop the cement from drying. W e need
him in there kicking things up, stirring
the pot and forcing a real debate about
the issues. Whether it's Ralph as
Candidate or Ralph as President, he
may represent our last hope to get our
country back from the clutches o f the
powerful few.
going to his web site
( http://www.votenader.org). You'll agree.
I'm sure, there's lots of common sense
there, regardless o f what political stripe
you are.
But remember. If you are even
T H IN K IN G of voting for A1 Gore, vole for
A1 Gore. Ralph Nader does not need a
single Gore vote. There are a hundred
million of us out there who are
uncommitted and currently not voting.
Right now. Gore and Bush are each
hoping to win by getting only 40 million
votes.
I f you are in the Non-Voting majority and
want to let 'em all have it, if you want to
get our country back in our hands...well,
if even half o f you show up and vote
November 7 then you won't be held
responsible for Bush winning the White
House.
In fact, you won't be held responsible
for putting Gore in the White House,
either.
Rather, you w ill have made history by
putting a true American hero at 1600
Pennsylvania Avenue.
And you w ill have given every company,
every boss who's done ya wrong, the
worst nightmare o f their lives.
November 7. Payback Tim e.
The revenge of the Non-Voters!
So sayeth their unappointed leader,
yours truly,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
http://www.theawfultruth.com
http://www.michaelmoore.com
PS. Come to think o f it. Democrats
should be on their knees thanking
Ralph for running. Rather than taking
votes from Gore, Ralph's going to be
the one responsible for turning the
House back over to the Democrats.
When millions of these Non-Voters enter
that booth to vote for Ralph, and they
come across their local race for
Congress, they w ill find no Green Party
candidate in most o f the 435
Congressional districts. So who do you
think Ralph's army o f Non-Voters w ill
plunk down for Congress? The
Republican? I don't think so.
I am not writing these words lightly. I am
hoping to sound a siren and rally the
majority who, for good reason, have
given up - but might just have it in them
to find the w ill for one last fight against
the bastards.
The Democrats are only six seats short
o f regaining control o f the House. Ralph
Can Ralph win? W ell, stranger things
have happened in the past decade.
C'mon, think about it, not a single one
o f us ever thought we'd see the Berlin
W all come down or Nelson Mandela as
President o f South Africa. After those
two things happened, I joined a new
school o f thought that said A N Y T H IN G
was possible. Jesse Ventura started
with 3% in the polls and won. Ross
Perot in *92 started with 6% and, after
proving to everyone that he was
certifiably insane, still got nearly 20% of
the vote.
Democrats should send their checks to
Nader 2000, P.O. Box 18002,
Washington, D C 20095.
Ralph already has between 7% and
10% in the polls - before he's done any
serious campaigning. He's gone from
3% to 8% in my home state o f Michigan.
These are amazing numbers and the
pundits and lobbyists and Republicrats
are running scared. Hey, you like to
watch scared Republicrats running? Tell
a pollster you’re voting for Ralph.
the Supreme Court to make abortion
illegal, well, it’s all a bunch of hooey.
Now , look, before you all send me a lot
o f mail about how weird Ralph is 'cause
he doesn't own a car or is a ’ sell-out*
'cause he's got a few m illion dollars, let
me say this: I used to work out o f his
office, and Ralph is definitely one o f a
kind. In a future letter I w ill write o f those
experiences but, for now, let's just agree
that Ralph is at least half as crazy as
Jesse Ventura - and about a hundred
times as smart. I'd say he's also saved
about a m illion or so lives, thanks to the
consumer and environmental legislation
he has devoted his life to.
R E P R IN T A N Y W H E R E .
And between Gore, Bush, and himself,
he's the only person running who would
guarantee universal health care for all,
the only candidate who would raise the
minimum wage to a decent level, the
only one who would get up each
morning asking himself the question,
’ What can I do today to serve all the
people o f this country?*
The list goes on and on. You can read
more about what Ralph stands for by
Nader w ill be the reason the Democrats
get the House back for the first time
since Newt's Contract on America in
1994.
(O r, better yet, let's try to elect enough
Greens to Congress - a dozen or so --
and they'll hold the deciding votes
because neither the Democrats nor the
Republicans w ill have the majority. It'll
be a friggin' Knesset!)
PPS. I f you're still worried this letter
might convince a weak-kneed Gore
voter to flip over to Nader - and thus
lead to President George W . stacking
Please read my latest grassrools.com
column entitled, *1 Ain't Fallin for That
One Again* at:
http://www.michaelmoore.com/ain'Lhtml
PLE A SE PASS T H IS L E T T E R O N T O
Y O U R F R IE N D S A N D F A M IL Y .
P E R M IS S IO N IS G R A N T E D T O
B d lto r/P u b lis b a r/J a n ito r:
The Beloved Reverend Billy Uoyd Hults
Graphics Editor The Humble Ms. Sally
Louise Lacka/F
Copy Edltor/Scleace Editor/Voice
o f Reasoa/Uacle Mike/ate.: Michael
Bury ass
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at Large: Peter ’ Spud* Siegel
Im p ro visational E n g in eer
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Education Editor Peter Lindsey
June's Garden: June Kroit
W eb W onder W om an/Distribution
Diva/Subscriber's Sw eetheart
Myrna Uhlig
Baas Player Bill Uhlig
E co le I la bee Douglas Deur
Environmental Newt: Kim Boesd
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U fa on the "O ther Edge*:
Meg Shvieoa
Local C olour Ron Logan
Two Drinks Abend: Damn Paten
Web M o th er Liz Lynch
Essential Services: Oinni Callahan
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M ajo r Distribution
AmMing Bear
Distribution
And A Cast O f ThouM .de!!