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2000
CANNON BEACH OK IW O * 503 W
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You can’t cheat
an honest man.
Bush and Gore Make Me
Wanna Ralph
A Letter from Michael Moore to the
Non-Voters of America
Dear friends,
DISCLAIMER: If you are planning to
vote for A1 Gore in November, good for
you. Don't let what I'm about to say
change your mind because I've been
told by all the experts that if you do
change your mind based on what I'm
about to say, George W. Bush might win
the election and I certainly couldn't live
with myself if that connoisseur of
pharmaceuticals (the kind you snort up
your nose or the kind you inject on
death row) won, in part, because of a
letter I spit out over the Internet.
So let's review — you like Gore, you vote
for Gore. He's a decent guy. I met him
last year at some benefit, he came up to
me, big hug - whoa, this veep is no stiff,
I thought — and thanked me for this and
that. He even quoted lines from "The
Awful Truth" - whoa, scary, I thought,
what's he doing watching cable
channels above 40 on the box...not
much to do on this veep gig, eh?
I told him I admired what he did when
he came home to America as a Vietnam
Vet and spoke out against the war. That
took a lot of courage, I said (his dad lost
his Senate seat for being an early
opponent of the war).
So, if A1 Gore is your man, go for it. In
fact, I insist on it, even if you are just
throwing your vote away.
What I am about to say, though, is not
intended for any A1 Gore (or George W.)
voters. If you are one, please click off
now.
2000 Corrected for PACIFIC BEACHES
H IGH A UGUST
DATE
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The reason you, the majority, no longer
vote in America is because you, the
majority, realize there is no real choice
on the ballot. The "two" parties both do
the bidding of the wealthy and agree
with each other on 90% of the issues.
They take 90% of their money from
people who make over a hundred-grand
a year, and then enact over 90% of the
laws those contributors want passed.
On the ballot this November, you
already know there is no contest. The
independent Cook Political Report in
D.C. last week announced that, out of
435 House seats up for election in
November, there are only 47 seats
where there is a "true race" between
opponents - and, of those, only 14
seats have a race that is even "close"
between the two candidates. 14 out of
435!
To Whom It May Concern:
I address this letter to the largest
political party in the United States - the
55% of you in the voting public who are
so disillusioned with politics and
politicians, so sick and tired of all the
broken promises, so disgusted with all
the b.s. that you have absolutely no
intention of voting in November.
You know who you are.
AND YOU ARE TH E MAJORITY!
You rule. You are the Non-Voters, all
100 million of you!
Until now, you have been the subject of
scorn and ridicule. You've been called
apathetic, lazy, ignorant. Your actions
have been viewed as unAmerican (I
mean, what kind of citizen in the World's
Greatest Democracy would not exercise
his or her most important and cherished
right - the right to freely choose your
leader!).
Well, may I be the first to tell you that,
not only are you NOT stupid and
apathetic, I believe you are smarter than
all the rest of us combined. YOU figured
it out. YOU uncovered the scam. And
YOU had the guts to no longer
participate in a lie. Way to go! In 1996,
you helped set the all-time American
record for lowest turnout ever at a
presidential election.
"Ninety-seven to ninety-nine percent of
incumbents running for re-election will
be returned to Congress in November,"
according to the Cook Report.
The Non-Voters already understand
this. And they are not going to waste
one iota of their day on November 7
driving to some smelly elementary
school gymnasium to participate in a
Soviet-style election with no friggin'
choice on the ballot.
So, to you brave voter-resisters, I say
congratulations on your act of civic
disobedience! I joined you this primary
season and refused to go along with
this charade of "choice." Nearly 80% of
those of us of voting age - over 160
million Americans - staged a sit-in on our
living room couches during this year's
primaries. THAT is the great untold story
of this election year. How much longer
will the punditocracy be able to get
away with dismissing this massive
no-show as "a sign Americans are
content with the booming economy?"
Now that we have made our presence
known (you all don't mind me speaking
for us, do you? Good. In fact. I'll just
assume the currently-vacant mantle of
this majority party and serve as your
leader until you say otherwise...), it is
time to find a way that says, loudly and
clearly, just how mad as hell we are and
how we are not going to take it
anymore. We need to find a way where
our vote screams "None of the Above!"
A chance to act, like that Chinese guy in
Tieneman Square, standing in front of a
moving tank and stopping it in its path.
In November, we should find a way to
follow in the footsteps of those
intelligent Minnesotans who, even
thought they could care less about
professional wrestling (and even less,
I'm sure, for Jesse "The Body"), proved
to the world that they not only have a
sense of humor, but they know how to
stick it to the whole bloody system.
Think of just how high their level of
anger must have been against the
One-Party-With-Two-Heads monopoly!
I mean, state government is no joke -
somebody's gotta build the roads, run
the schools, catch the criminals. You
don't want to turn the asylum over to the
chief lunatic but, damn it, that's what the
people of Minnesota did - just to send a
message! Wow. That took some guts.
DOTS’
GUCE
Tues #
W ed«
Thui#
Fri •
Sat •
SUN
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thur
Fri
Sat
13 SUN
14 Mon
15 Tues
16 Wed
17 Thur
18 Fri
19 Sat
AM
TIME
FT
nME
1:28 9.2
2:20 8.9
3:13 8.4
4:07 7.8
5:04 7.0
6:07 6.4
7:17 5.9
8:30 5.7
9:39 5.8
10:39 6.0
11:30 6.3
2:49
3:33
4:15
4:58
5:42
7.8
8.0
8.1
8.1
8.0
6:28
7:18
8:11
9:05
9:56
10:44
6.6 11:28
7.8
7.6
7.6
7.5
7.6
7.7
7.9
12:55
6.8
7.0
7.1
7.3
7.4
7.6
7.7
8:27
9:11
9:53
10:35
11:18
0:11
1:15
2:21
3:26
4:24
5:14
5:58
6:37
7:13
7:46
8:17
8:46
9:15
9:45
10:20
11:00
0:06
1:18
2:35
3:47
4:50
5:45
6.34
7:19
8:02
8:42
•
•
•
.
•
•
• 12:15
•
•
•
•
•
*
•
20
21
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24
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SUN •
Mon •
Tues •
Wed •
T h u r#
Fri •
Sat •
0:10
0:49
1:28
2:06
2:46
3:28
4:15
5:12
6:22
7:45
9:06
10:16
1114
8.0 1:31
8.0 2:04
8.0 2:35
7.9 3:04
7.7 3:32
7.3 4:02
6.9 4:36
6.3 5:17
5.8 6:07
5.6 7:09
5.7 8:19
6.1 9:29
6.6 10:34
7.9
79
7.9
7.9
8.0
8.2
8.5
27
28
29
30
31
SUN • 12:06
Mon•
Tues •
0:28
Wed •
1:21
T h u r# 2:11
7.1 11:33
12:52
8.9 1:35
8.8 2:16
8.5 2:55
8.8
7.6
7.9
8.1
8.3
AMTIDES
LITETYPE
• BIGGER THE DOT
\M
M
FT TIMI FT.
-1.9 8:31 1.3
-1.6 9:24 1.1
-1.1 10:17 1.0
-0.4 11:12 0.9
0.3
0.9 12:04 1.1
0.9 12:56 1.8
0.7 1:55 2.3
0.4 2:57 2.6
0.0 3:57 2.7
-0.3 4:52 2.6
-0.6 5:40 2.4
-0.7 6:25 2.2
-0.8 7:06 2.0
-0.8 7:45 1.8
-0.7 8:22 1.6
-0.5 8:59 1.4
-0.3 9:37 1.2
0.1 10:19 1.0
0.6 11:08 0.8
1.1
0.7 11:51 1.8
0.5 12:55 2.3
0.1 2:12 2.6
-04 3:29 2.6
-1.0 4:37 2.2
-1.4 5:38 1.7
-1.6 6:34 1.2
-1.6 7:26 0.7
-1.4 8:16 0.4
-1.0 9:04 0.1
BETTER THE FISHING*
D A Y L IG H T T IM E
P.M. TIDES
BOLDTYPE
A
W e l l , h e re i t is A u g u s t a n d th e C u b s , t o e v e r y o n e ’ s
a m a z e m e n t, s t i l l h a v e S a m m y S o s a , a n d a re in
t h ir d p la c e in t h e ir d i v i s i o n .
Y e s, w e kno w it
w o u l d ta k e a m ir a c le , as u s u a l, f o r th e C u b s to
f i g h t b a c k f r o m a d o u b le d i g i t d e f i c it in A u g u s t.
Y e s , w e k n o w w e a re t r a d in g a w a y p la y e r s t o
te a m s w h o a re in th e ra c e .
So, for those of you who weren't going
to vote anyway, well...what if you
actually did? What if you drove down to
that stinky gym where the little shell
game behind the pretend curtains is
taking place ("Pay no attention to the
voters behind the curtains!"), walk in,
sign in, take the ballot they hand you,
and toss yourselves inside the booth
like a political molotov cocktail.
LOW AU G UST
M
FT
TIME
B u t m a y b e th e C u b s a re
f i n a l l y b e g in n in g to re s e m b le t h e ir fa n s . Y o u
k n o w th e o n e s , th e D ie H a r d C u b F a n s . A s Y o g i
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of
wisdom.
Thomas Jefferson
Boom!
"You wanna tell me there's a choice
here between two guys who both
support NAFTA, WTO, the death
penalty, the Cuban embargo, increased
Pentagon spending, sleazy HMOs,
greedy hospital chains, 250 million guns
in our homes, more bombing of Iraq, the
rich getting richer and the rest of us
declaring bankruptcy?"
Boom!
Not me.
Boom!
I'm voting for Ralph Nader.
( F i n d o u t w h y o n p a g e 2 .)
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