Dear Uncle Mike,
I am seventeen and in love for the
first time. This boy is absolutely perfect and
he loves me. The problem is my friend. She
and him hung out for a month and she didn’t
want him. They’re kind of friends and all
but it was over. So when him and me got
together 1 thought it was okay. Now she’s
all mad when I’m busy and we can’t hang
out. She says she’s not jealous but I think
she is, she kind of flirts with him sometimes.
He doesn’t want her, he wants me. I think she should just grow up and get
over it, my aunt says friends are important and her feelings are probably
hurt. Is that my fault? No way am I going to stop seeing this boy because
it bothers her. My aunt reads your column (sometimes I do too) and she
said 1 should ask you about it. Thanks.
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Samantha, Newport, Oregon
Dear Samantha,
Before he begins, allow Uncle Mike to congratulate you on having
found the world’s only perfect young man. No wonder you’re willing to
sacrifice a friendship to be with him. You might also consider notifying
Oprah and the Smithsonian.
Uncle Mike is glad you’re in love and wishes you nothing but joy
and all manner of delights. No, your friend’s hurt feelings are not your
fault; your actions only triggered them. If those actions weren’t directed
at her, the feelings are hers to deal with. Responsible, yes; at fault, no.
All of which sounds nice but hardly lets you or your young man off the
hook. Uncle Mike trusts the fact you didn’t mention sitting down with
your friend to talk things through doesn’t mean that you haven’t. Most
problems between humans boil down to a lack of understanding. If you
had no idea she’d be hurt by your seeing someone she no longer wanted to
see (you did, of course, run it by her, right?), tell her so. If her friendship
is important to you, tell her that too. It’s good you’ve found love;
practicing it usually results in keeping friends, not losing them. Being
perfect, your young man will certainly understand he’s not the only
significant inhabitant of your universe and that the feelings of others are as
important as his own. Then again, the young woman may be a neurotic
control freak who sees the freedom and happiness of others as a threat and
isn’t above malicious flirting to make her world even more hollow and
frightening than it is. In this case, you should ask her to give you a call
when she’s better. Have fun, play nice and say hello to your aunt.
Dear Uncle Mike,
I ’m a 23 year old woman with a problem I didn’t think I’d ever
have. My mom just moved in with her boyfriend. She’s a really neat
lady, 47 and looks 37, very pretty. Guys are always interested but she
hasn’t lived with anyone since she and dad divorced seven years ago. I ’ve
been away at school and hadn’t met this man she raved about on the
phone. Now I have. H e’s a nice enough person, mom’s age, nice looking,
good job, and he treats my mom really well. She’s really happy. The
problem is the way "Tom" looks at me sometimes. H e’s never come on to
me but he checks me out all the time. Not all the time but enough to make
me uncomfortable. I’m not a kid and I understand guys do this but I ’m his
girlfriend’s daughter and that makes it not right. I ’ve never done anything
to encourage him, in fact I’ve started being more formal with him. Mom
knows me and she’s going to ask me why. What do I say?
Amy, Portland, Oregon
Dear Amy,
With luck, you won’t need to say anything. At the moment, the
problem doesn’t involve your mother. It involves you and the illmannered
and possibly unprincipled male primate she’s living with. Wait for a time
when the two of you are alone and gently put his ducks in a row. Explain
in simple, friendly terms that his attention makes you uncomfortable, that
it makes being around him unpleasant, and that you regard it as pro­
foundly disrespectful to your mother who is, or should be, his best and
closest friend. Tell him what you told Uncle Mike: that, sooner rather
than later, your mother’s going to ask you what’s wrong and you have no
intention of lying if she presses you for an answer. Tell him you’re glad
your mother is happy and that if he jerks her around you’ll hunt him down
and hurt him in ways he doesn’t want to think about. Then smile sincerely
and offer your hand to a man you may be dealing with for a long, long
time. Consider yourself part of his training.
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Dear Uncle Mike,
My husband and I recently moved from the city to acreage in the
country. I’m a city girl and although I appreciate nature and animals, it’s
new territory for me. We have a dog and three cats and for me that’s
enough. My husband wants to get a breeding pair of llamas. I’ve read the
brochures and magazine articles but no one we know has had any first
hand experience. Can someone with no experience raising large animals
just start doing it? Do you know anything about llamas?
Ellen, Raymond, Washington
Dear Ellen,
Before Uncle Mike tells you what he knows about llamas, let him
remind you that history is filled with stories of people with no experience
doing things that turned out badly. With llamas, the deck is badly stacked
from the beginning. The llama (or ‘spitting goat’) is a close relative of the
camel; a fact which, for the normal, is not a strong selling point. Llamas
are raised, or allowed to get older, for two reasons: their wool is used to
make silly hats and much too handcrafted sweaters and they make dandy
pack animals. A week or two in the backcountry wearing a silly hat and
dragging a small camel: there’s the life. The novice llama wrangler soon
learns why no one makes llama saddles. Somewhere in the brochures and
articles, the subject of spitting must have come up. All descriptions pale
before the reality. Llamas are often foisted off on the unwary as
"wonderful pets". All things are relative, of course, but your new pet will
be the size of a small horse. Unless it’s especially gifted, it will also be
dumb as a post and much faster with its hooves than you think. Should
your husband persist in his madness, you’d do well to consider getting a
few kangaroos to keep them distracted. He should also not plan to ride the
kangaroos.
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