Dear S ir
I am sure you expected some
flak about your comments on obesity.
I couldn't help being predictable and
taking offense. While 1 agree we
are a country of couch potatoes, there
are many out there who have
emotional problems that lead to eating
disorders that are comparable to
other mental disorders and addictions. May 1 point out that people with
weight problems are not all dull-witted sloths. Many are discriminated
against based on their physical appearance. An alcoholic can get and
hold a job and may not be suspected as having a problem but many
overweight people can't even land the job because of the prejudice we
have towards them. Just because obese people wear their addictions on
the outside, insensitive boobs, such as yourself, feel it's OK to make
fun of them. Many women live their lives feeling inferior because they
do not measure up to a totally unrealistic "thin" image they are
convinced they should achieve.
Yellow Bellied Fat Cow, Portland
Dear Yellow,
Uncle Mike can't help being taken aback. After shuffling repeatedly
through his back Tiles, the only letter he found which made any
reference to obesity was in answer to a woman in Nevada who'd been
treated like a dangerous leper for smoking a cigarette on the sidewalk.
Uncle Mike responded with this: "The health and fitness enlightenment
that's somehow generated the most overweight American population in
history may sanction dosing their emotionally neglected children with
Prozac but they'll never stop flogging you for smoking tobacco anywhere
near them." If you consider this an attack on overweight people, Uncle
Mike must make two assumptions: 1) that you're a little too tightly
wrapped , and 2) you've never read his column before and hence have no
notion of how vicious and petty he can be.
Now then, on to you and the points you make so pugnaciously. Is
UncleMike aware of an emotional basis for eating disorders? You bet. That
these disorders are comparable to other mental disorders and addictions?
Absolutely. He's also aware of the sort of genetic predisposition that
produces sumo wrestlers. To this, Uncle Mike would only reply that we all
have our crosses to bear and demons to fight. It's nice that people like you
are there to steadfastly defend those addicted to tobacco, strong drink, and
controlled substances. You do, right? Uncle Mike cannot remember ever
thinking, let alone saying, that overweight people are "all dull-witted
sloths". In the first place, he's not convinced that sloths are dull-witted,
certainly no more than the legions of sleek and clueless who jog in hundred
dollar sneakers and deep breathe exhaust fumes. You mention that many of
the overly plump are discriminated against because of their physical
appearance. Imagine that, a less than perfect world in which surface is
rewarded more than substance. Maybe all of those black people were right.
Discrimination in hiring based on percentage of body fat? The folks you
want to talk to are the insurance companies who feel, along with the folks in
health sciences, that, since obesity is a prime factor in heart disease and
stroke as well as a strong contributor to other maladies vile and various, it
constitutes a personal as well as a national health problem.
"Just because obese people wear their addictions on the outside,
insensitive boobs, such as yourself, feel it's OK to make fun of them."
Innocent. Uncle Mike has his hands full poking fun at insensitive
boobs. As for the many women who "live their lives feeling inferior
because they do not measure up to a totally unrealistic 'thin' image
they are convinced they should achieve", Uncle Mike feels much
compassion for them and sincerely hopes they grow a brain. Buying into
hogwash is a personal choice. Much like that second trip to the buffet.
Dear Uncle Mike,
When you take a girl to a restaurant and they take you to the table,
does the guy go first or the girl?
Eric S., Astoria
Dear Eric,
Uncle Mike is surprised that, living in Astoria, the question ever came
up. Like most matters of etiquette, it depends. As a rule of thumb,
the young lady is deferred to and precedes her escort to the table.
This doesn't apply if the joint to which you've taken her is known for
impromptu apache dancing and the breaking of beer pitchers over heads.
In this case, neither of you should go first. Before you ask, it's the
gentleman's responsibility to pass judgment on the wine. This is so the
lady doesn't cut her nose sniffing the screw cap.
t
Dear Uncle Mike,
My boyfriend and I are very physical. We wrestle around a lot.
Sometimes he lets me win. It's a lot of fun and sexy. We usually have
great sex afterwards. Except when he tickles me. I've told him I don't
like it but he just laughs. We've had fights about it (not physical)
but he still does it sometimes. Is there any way to get him to stop?
Kate in Seattle
247 N. Hemlock Cannon Beech
503 436 2210
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Dear Kate,
Uncle Mike would like to suggest tapping his forehead lightly with a
mallet; but since the first rule on the playground is that nobody hits
anyone ever, he won't. Uncle Mike sees two possible approaches. The
first involves waiting around for the nimrod to start taking you
seriously as a human and respect your wishes. The second is to cut your
losses and find someone who knows how to play nice. Speaking of play,
the sort you're indulging in would be seen by an alien naturalist as a
ritualized power struggle whose object is domination and submission,
faux warfare different only in degree from boxing and football.
Relationships aren't sports and domination is for sissies.
Open 11 A M -5 PM • Closed Tues.
436*1100
124 N Hemlock
P O Box 652. Cannon Beach O R «7110
C ie n e r a l
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In d iv id u a ls
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