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The shortest distance between
two straight lines
is a point.
Rev. Billy
Einstein said that all parallel lines will meet in
space. During the cold war, it was said that by the
end of this century Communism and Capitalism
would pass each other going in opposite directions.
It could still be true. Even though they say the only
real communists left are in Berkeley. We bring up '
this point because of global developments since we
last spoke. Labor has taken #10 and Africa is ablaze
with something like revolutionary democracy. It is
all quite interesting. Yes we believe there has been a
shift, we will try to let our readers know how weird
it gets.
Happy Birthday Rev. Billy
The photo above was taken by Leslie Wood, and
shows your beloved editor/rev. and his son the
Young Master James Lucas Rian Massa (currently 18
years old, single, available for lucrative employment;
and willing to relocate).
We know that is a bit self serving, but as we have
always said, “It’s our paper, we can do anything we
want, don’t you wish you had a paper?” It is our
way of encouraging others to be silly.
Well, we’re back and we’ve grown, and we have
new folks; who apparently have no fear, or
judgment. Your beloved ed. has reached two score
and thirteen, in spite of his best efforts. And it
seems that he has committed himself to continue this
dialogue until the millennium. (Just so we can see if
the computers can handle the change over, our Mac
was built by people who think in longer increments
so we have no problem at the Edge)
So, let’s get to it, shall we? Since we last spoke
things have been getting more and more..., here in
the magic kingdom without the mouse. An example:
one of our spring break guests asked a local
shopkeeper, “How did Haystack Rock get here?”
We hope she explained, with a straight face, that we
had it shipped over, much like the London Bridge in
Lake Havasu City, piece by piece from Gibraltar,
where it was considered “not that great”. The
Chamber of Commerce gave a silent auction and paid
the freight, and il you get real close at low tide you
can see the names of the donors spelled out by
starfish and anemones. Yes, the madness of summer
at a resort mall is again upon us, and our only
refuge, The Church of Bill’s, now called the
Cathedral of William, is still undergoing its remodel.
H.L. Mencken on Authors; “Why then do rational
men and w omen engage ir. so barbarous and
exhausting vocation - for there are relatively
intelligent and enlightened authors, remember, just as
there are relatively honest politicians, and even
bishops.” And on schoolboys; “The notion that
school boys are generally content with their lot seems
to me to be a sad delusion. They are, in the main,
able to bear it, but they like it no more than a soldier
enjoys life in a foxhole. The need to endure it makes
actors of them; they learn how to lie -- perhaps the
most valuable thing, to a citizen of Christendom, that
they learn in school.”
Are we ready for our history lessons? In January?
we wrote about what had happened in 1897, all those
things we take for granted were new weird radical
new' ideas then. Examples abound that the rhythms
of time sound true. So, let’s consider the next year,
because as was discovered in 1898 the most common
galaxy was a spiral, not a circle, so we must look in
an expanding or decreasing number, or at least in the
general neighborhood. In 1898 Oscar Wilde
published his book about his imprisonment for,
basically, being a high profile gay man. In 1997
Allen Ginsberg died, he had been imprisoned as
well, though usually on purpose. The US was
having trouble knowing what to do about Cuba. We
eventually started the Spanish-American War.
Corporations (read Railroad Barons) were running
afoul of the Laws of the Land, 18 were convicted of
violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act. In 1897 the
President had to veto a bill requiring a literacy test for
immigrants. There was a lot of trouble in eastern
Europe, Turkey and Greece at war, trouble in Africa,
the Middle East, well, same stories as today, or in
fact the stories of today are the direct result in some
cases of those wars. And so it goes.
Uncle Mike to Sign Books
June 14th • 2-4
pm
Uncle Mike's Guide to the Real Oregon Coast
The Upper L e ft Edge s nearly notorious advice columnist
tells the long overdue tru th about the Oregon Coast.
The p e rfect g if t fo r Father's Day
Don't fo rg e t Letters to Uncle Mike...
The sage A sobering challenge to Dear Abby A Ann Landers
The shortest distance between two
points is under construction.
--Noelie Altile
Meet the Author and get your signed copies
At
Cannon Beach Book Company
130 N Hemlock, Suite 2 •
J une - Low Tides
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BASEBALL
After a record breaking start the Cubs are fighting
for third place in their division.
The one tiling the study of baseball teaches is that
the stats, odds and polIs are a record of what
happened. They are no indication of what will
happen. On any given day any team can beat any
other team, this has been proven, so then until it’s
over, everything is just improvisational mathematics;
and that is like jazz, mid that works. A jazz musician
once said that when you are playing music, if you
make a mistake, just repeat it mid call it Jazz. Every
one makes mistakes, every one loses. It boils down
to how one loses; gracefully, grudgingly, or rarely, or
a combination ol the three? There are several sights
on the WEB for Cubs fans, one fan asked whether
taking your kids to Cubs games was child abuse?
The reply came back, “No, it’s just teaching them
that just because you make a million bucks a year,
don’t mean you can hit a major league fast ball most
of the time ” One of the nice things about getting
the Edge out again was being forced to actually call or
write or even meet face to face some of you who
make the Edge work You ¡ire nicer than we could
have hoped. You are as silly as we expected
One comment from the owner of a shop in
Portland: “Oh, yes, we want our ad to continue,” she
said, ”1 read the Edge cover to cover every month, I
even read the baseball column mid I don’t even like
Sports." The natural response was, “Thanks, we
don’t really like Sports either.’’ But, Baseball,
well....we arc reminded of John (a catcher's catcher)
Kmk’s comments, w hen asked if lie mid a few of his
teammates didn’t look a little out of shape for
Athletes? (Mr Kruk lias a beer belly and one testicle,
which is apparently enough.) “I lell, Lidy!”, lie said,
"We ain't Athletes, we’re Baseball Players!”
The Upper Ixft Edge doesn’t have a Sports
Column, it h*Ls a Baseball column Any questions?
Go Cubbies!!!
Cannon Beach
Laughter is the shortest distance
between two people.
--Victor Borge
i
J une - High Tides
UPPER LIFT ED&E JUNE W7
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