NO MEANS YES
was a g i f t , a c c o m p a n ie d by a
c a r d t h a t r e a d , "Y our g a rd e n
i n s p i r e d me t o s t a r t my own
g a r d e n ."
by Mynia Uhlig
Having decided on a title, 1 am reminded of something
entirely different from my intended subject Then again, I
suppose sex and politics have quite a lot in common
Like many other young, naive and nubile females, I spent
my fair share of time espousing my platform from die
backseat, defending my nght to remain clothed and chaste. I
once overheard the highlights of my latest debate as related by
my opponent to other members of his party. His all-knowing
spin doctor came to a conclusion other than I would liave
expected, 'They all SAY no, but they MEAN yes."
1 HAD experienced this contradictory phrasology in a more
openly-sanctioned political process.
My stepfather was one of those young men who dropped
out of school at an early age to help support his family.
Worse, his sporadic attendance had left him unable to read He
brought home the San Jose Mercury News every night None
of us kids knew that he only pretended to read it.
Then my half-sister came along She was bom a true book
lover, and magically appeared on the nearest available lap--
book in hand. My step dad 'read' to her most often Rather,
he described the action according to the illustrations When
she complained that he didn't read a particular book the same
way last time, he made efforts to focus on the printed words.
By the time she was four, she'd patiently tell him, "No,
Daddy, that's not what it says-try again."
There was a one-room schoolhouse with huge windows
facing the road about a quarter-mile from us Ihe year before
my sister's long-awaited enrollment m that squat, Spanish-stye
little school, the local school board decided to close the old
building. They put it to a vote of the community.
As I recall, there was no voter's pamphlet to pore over and
decide before-hand the correct resjxinse for the desired result
Mom coached Bob to read the question thoroughly, and crossed
her fingers; knowing she couldn't be with him w hen he cast
his ballot-and that his reading level liad only progressed to
"The Cat in the Hat." She came home from the polls in a
dither Ihe all-important question was worded in such a
convoluted way that casting a 'yes' vote signified a desire no,
to close the school, while at first glance, 'no' appeared to be
the appropriate response.
„
The school is now a private home—those wonderful
windows are gone, their replacements much smaller; the
playground only a bare patch of ground. I've no idea how
close the tally truly was, but in my house it was an accepted
fact that my step-dad's 'no' vote caused the demise of that cute
little one-room school
The fact that Bob wasn't an accomplished reader perhaps
has little to do with his casting a vote contrary to his
intention. I, for one, have noticed over the years that many
questions on my brillot have been couched in confusingly
muddled terms. I try to make it a policy to give the benefit of
the doubt, and not buy into conspiracy theories, but
So, though I'm fairly certain that 'no' doesn't mean 'yes' in
the politics of young love, it very often does in the polling
place. Y ou be careful out there.
pacific
__ v m m b 'i -
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