' j í W ' we.
Dear Uncle Mike,
Who was it who said "Blondes
have more fun." Mae West or Jean
Harlow?
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Sometimes A G reat Lotion
Frannie S., Portland
E l it a B rand C otton B ras
and
P an nti
Dear Frannie,
LlNCUUt AND 5 L ÍIP V ÍA R V lT H AN tM H IA A Il ON COTTON A M ) 5ILK
Uncle Mike has no idea. And, since he’s not the information service at the
library, he has no intention of rushing off into the stacks to find out. His guess
would be it was either a brunette who was off her game or a blonde who had a
hard time distinguishing between pleasure and excitement.
27
5QNT5 Of PIM UNI OIL AND CUSTOM SCENTED MASSAGE OR., BODY
LOTION, AND BATH &
I ncinsi
SHOVER GEL
and candles
436-0129^
^ 3 9 N. H enlocr C annon B each OR
Dear Uncle Mike,
My boyfriend's being a pain. He says I should sip from the edge of the spoon
instead of putting it in my mouth. He says it's just good table manners, I say it's stupid.
What do you say?
Fed Up in Astoria
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tIC C IM S C D M A S S A G L TH E R A P Y
R O S A L IN D C U S A C K . LAAT
O R E G O N » W A S H IN G T O N
Cannon Beach
Athletic Club
jfiSEa.
P O B O X 122 A
C A h N O N B E A C H . O R 97110
Dear Fed Up,
(5 0 3 1
Off the top of his head, Uncle Mike would say your friend's an effete twit who should
be encouraged to eat alone. Of all the things thoughtful humans have to think about in
the last minutes of the twentieth century, your pretentious patrician wannabe is troubled
by the way someone else uses a spoon. One wonders whether to laugh or to cry. In a
kinder, gentler world, someone would snatch him from the table and drop him naked on
the sidewalks of Calcutta.
Table manners are one thing, Byzantine food rituals are another. Having suffered
through his share of overly decorous dining, Uncle Mike (who doesn't belch and knows
which fork to use with his stir fry) is convinced the art of complicated eating was invented
by people with too much time on their hands, inflated feelings of self worth, and a naked
urge to make others feel like slobs. Uncle Mike would bet they were French.
As for you and your spoon, granted the usual rules of decorum, you have Uncle
Mike's permission to do with it what you will. He resists the temptation to suggest a rude
action involving your friend.
4 3 6 -2 4 2 5
171 Sunset Blvd.
Let CBAC be your Athletic Club
away from home.
Come visit our exiting new facility.
at CBAC Offers:
ORIO'NAL
WINDOWS,
LAMPS,
* Free Weights
‘ Shower Facilities
* Aerobic Classes
‘ Tanning
* Bikes
* Rowing Machine
* TVeadmills
‘ Climbers
ANO
Drop in rates available
SPECIALTY
503-436-1515
PIECES
(503) 436-2761
Dear Uncle Mike,
AN APPOINTMENT
P.O BOX 90
CANNON BEACH. OR »7110
Valoree Gift,
I got woke up again the other night by somebody's car alarm. Isn t this disturbing the
l . m . t .
Licensed Massage Therapy
peace?
A Victim in Cannon Beach
PO Box 872
Cannon Beach, OR 97110
Pager # 738-4438
Phone #436-0148
Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC
Lactation Consultant
Breast Feeding Assistance
Medela Breast Pump
Rental Station
Dear Victim,
Absolutely. Unless you count the law Paraphrasing the police person Uncle Mike
talked to recently around midnight, speaking loudly enough to drown out the claxon horn
of someone's personal auto security system: "If it were your car, you'd feel differently
about the noise." No, Uncle Mike wouldn’t. Even if Uncle Mike owned a car, he'd expect
the metal brute to fend for itself and not be a nuisance when left alone. If it woke the
neighbors, Uncle Mike would scold it and then rip out the offending circuitry.
But this is America and, thanks to the lobbying efforts of those who manufacture car
alarm systems, any moron can have one. Never mind that the decibel level exceeds
most community's noise abatement statutes; never mind that car theft is one of the
reasons God made insurance companies; never mind that, judging from the sound of
things, the owners scarcely leap up from their bar stools or beds to check if the machine
doing the shrieking is theirs. There should at least be a law making car alarms
personalized. Uncle Mike would feel a little better hearing: "Dan and Julie! Wake up!
It's your car! Someone's trying to.. .aargh!" No, that's a lie. He'd still want to reach for
his scatter gun.
Which brings us to America's current passion, leveling the playing field or, as it used
to be called, getting even. If someone's personal siren three blocks away wakes Uncle
Mike up. Uncle Mike should be allowed to put on his pants, walk up quietly and beat it
senseless with a ball bat. Or, as an alternative, the law should supply Uncle Mike with
the owner's home address so that, some night when he's feeling insecure, he could set
up a public address system on their front lawn and do dramatic readings from the works
of James Joyce. Uncle Mike has never denied his mean streak.
P.O. Box 201
179 Coolidge
C annon Beach, OR 97110
(503)436-0161
DINNER AT THE MOBY DICK HOTEL AND OYSTER FARM
Nahcotta, Washington
DURING the month of AUGUST!
8-12; 21‘ -26; 29-SEPT.1.
Wed.’ .Thurs., Fri., Sat., Sun.. Mon evenings
'kite festival week only
5:30- 8:30 PM
Limited seatings
Reservations only
(360)
665-4543
H O M E O F T H E W IL D O Y S T E R
Enjoy the visit of Jeff Minnich, Evening Chef at Hotel Tabard Inn,
Washington, DC, to the Long Beach Peninsula-menus featuring local
produce, Northwest seafood and Moby Dick Oysters.
Sandridge Road 1/8th mile south of Bay Ave
M o u n ta in
School
In the forest at Falcon Cove A quiet place to learn. A creative staff
committed to excellence. Innovative, interdisciplinary, and personal.
Small groups encourage communication, cooperation, and mutual
respect. A community of students, a gathering of minds, a flowering of
potential A school that teaches learning as a preparation for the art of
life. Talk to our students. They speak for themselves. And they do it
quite well A recent addition to our staff has created a limited number of
openings for K-1 students For information, call 436-2610 or 436-5878.
It's not called Fire Mountain School for nothing.
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of
vour calculations, if you live near him.
J
J.R.R. Tolkien
C E L E B R A T IN G
Tu/enty 'Frte ‘Years
J 9 7 /
|
I
/ 9 9 G
Sr
WhitAird
C A N N O N B EA CH. O R E G O N
Listen carefully to first criticisms of your
work. Note just what it is about your
work that the critics don’t like - then
cultivate it. That’s the only part of your
work that’s individual and worth keeping.
Join us July 6th, 3 to 6 P.M. to celebrate this milestone
East Wing . . . Annual Glass Show and
Oil Pastels by Valerie Willson
South Wing . .. New Work by Gallery Artists
UEPEK LETT EDGE AUGUST ffW