U ev.
Uults
Editorial
Now & Then
In our ongoing attempt to bring you a
different voice, we would like to share some
less than mainstream views about smoking . —
and drinking. First, from the LA Village
View April/May 94, Michael Ventura in his
column "Letters at 3AM" offers his views "In
Defence of C ig a re tte s" .
"The American
generation now living to 75 came of age
during World War II. That generation lived
most of its life without 'No Smoking' signs.
The majority of them smoked. They were the
most productive generation in recorded
history. They built the American
infrastructure and achieved America's
astonishing 1940-1980 output. (So much for
the secretary of labour's argument that
smoking damages productivity.) . . . In a
world in which the sea, the forests, and even
the planet's atmosphere are dying, smokers
insist that death be visible, undeniable. . . A
sentence from a recent Times article;
'Smoking kills about 418,00 people a year,
making it the leading cause of preventable
death in the U.S.' We have driven ourselves
mad enough that in all seriousness we can,
without flinching, write and read a phrase
like 'preventable death'. . . The anti­
smoking campaigners don't exactly say it,
but the messianic tone of their rhetoric
suggest that to ban smoking is to ban death."
Second, from a little piece we received
months ago and, having finally stopped
giggling, would like to share. This comes
from Skull Varnish Press, 625 SW 10th Ave,
Suite 163B, Portland, OR 97205, and is called;
'A lcohol:
A m erica's S ecret W eapon
(Common Sense for Sober Times)' and gives
us a short history of alcohol in this country.
. . "Consider, for example, the daring voyage
of the Pilgrims. The long dangerous time at
sea truly tested their mettle, but fortunately
they were smart enough to bring along a
hefty supply of "beere" for liquid spiritual
solace. When the "beere" started to run low,
however, the sailors had no choice but to
force their human cargo to disembark at
unpleasant Plymouth Rock, much farther
north than their intended destination, to
guarantee enough drink for the return trip.
Furthermore, the following account taken
from the United States Naval Institute
Proceedings. . . It describes the voyage of the
U.S.S. Constitution which began on August
23, 1779 from Boston: She left with 475
officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh
water, 7,400 cannon shots, 11,600 pounds of
black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum on
board. Her mission was to destroy and harass
English shipping.
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on
826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of
rum. Then she headed for the Azores,
arriving there on 12 November. She
provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and
64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On the
18th of November she set sail for England.
In the ensuing days, she defeated five
British Men-of-War and captured and
scuttled twelve
English merchant men,
salvaging only their rum. By 27 January
her powder and shot were exhausted.
Unarmed, she made a raid up the Firth of
Clyde. Her landing party captured a whiskey
distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons to
board by dawn. Then she headed home.
The Constitution arrived in Boston harbor
on 20 February 1780, with no cannon shot,
no powder, no food, no rum, no whiskey but
with 48,000 gallons of stagnant water.
Because of their central role in the success
of the American Revolution, drinkers
emerged from the war intact, exuding
confidence, with increased legitimacy and
independence.
Unfortunately, the rich
snobs who subsequently emerged to rule the
country didn't like this independence at all
and started the long terrible process of
strictly regulating alcohol consumption.
Liquor taxes, suppression of the heroic
Whiskey Rebellion, early closing hours,
liquor licenses, mandatory drinking ages.
This orgy of temperance finally culminated
in Prohibition in the 1920's, which
predictably led to economic collapse and
depression. . . It behooves us all to seriously
consider the example of Soviet Russia under
Mikail Gorbachev's dictatorial rule. One of
Gorbachev’s first decrees, and certainly his
most foolish, was the systematic
implementation of his now infamous anti-
alcohol program. As soon as this suicidal
policy went into effect, the Soviet Empire
started to collapse. Their economy groun to
a halt, they admitted defeat in Afghanistan,
confessed to the evil deeds of their past, an
began junking Communism in favor of
capitalism.
On the other hand consider the painfully
sobering case of post-war West Germany.
Germans increased their liquor consumption
500% in the years 1950 to 1976, a time of
phenomenal economic growth many
superficial analysts call a ''miracle”. . . We
believe it's time for all patriotic Americans
to stand up and help put alcohol back at the
center of American social life, where it so
obviously belongs. And that is why we've
written and distributed this concise
pamphlet — to educate the American people
and help you become a healthy, productive,
liquor-loving member of society.
In this
way, we can all help America regain his
rightful place as Number One among
nations, and prove all those self-righteous
teetotalers wrong!"
Mo stuff,
With access to cable TV we not only get to
see our beloved Cubs sink again slowly to the
basement of their division, we also get some
really weird stuff like the Moscow evening
news. Trust us, it is worth watching if only
to remind yourself that we aren't that bad,
and that the inherent weakness of the
communist system was its lack of common
sense. It was all idealistic frosting on a
totalitarian cake, and to put none
too fine a point on it they did, and to this day
still do dumb things. Chernobyl was the
final straw, but not the final episode of
dumb. Recently on the Moscow evening
news there was a report of a near miss of a
nuclear power plant by a rocket from a
fighter plane fired during a practice
exercise. Scary? Yes, but what makes it
dumb is that the nuclear power plant is
located on the pratice range.
Planning.
Lately, due to the rising costs of paper, we
have been reconsidering our advertising
policies, and the most common question is:
why doesn't the Edge accept real estate ads?
Well, we do; we have on occasion run ads for
individuals selling their homes. We don't
currently accept ads from real estate
companies, (not that we have been asked
lately). The reasons are philosophical, and
personal. But several arguments, such as,
"Who would you rather move to Cannon
Beach, someone who reads the Edge, or
someone who reads L.A. Times? give us
pause. So, even though, as we have always
maintained, "It's our paper and we can do
what we want; if you don't like it start your
own damn paper", we would like our readers
views on the subject. Okay? (Oh, and what
about the Municipal Memo [page 3]? Worth
the space?)
A personal note to Our Lady of Microsoft. We
received your blessing, and have mentioned
your generosity during vespers at the
Chapel of Bill’s. Kissy Kissy, from Your
Beloved Reverend.
As we go to press the Sahallie Project is
coming up for a vote at the Seaside City
Council, and we have had some rather
dubious goings on the County Commission, so
we recommend that you keep in touch with
your elected or appointed public servants,
and remind them.
We are watching.
Congrats to Watt & Jenny Childress on the
birth of Ms. Willa Byrd, way back in Lower
Right America.
And our condolences to the 4th Amendment
at the hands of the current Supreme Court.
Apparently the War on Drugs can't be fought
in a constitutional manner. And the
crushing of the Vernonia Drug Cartel
requires children to supply body fluids for
examination on demand.
The Upper Left Edge is a monthly Broadsheet
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current distribution o f 5,000. It is circulated
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coastal communities and many larger
metropolitan areas. As stated in the upper
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vast majority of its readership; though there
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Advertising rates are as follows:
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S u rf
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When Possible Bum Dry Wood
The Wood you bought last year, Burn this year.
The Wood you buy this year, Bum next year.
C liff E rdman
I have known more men destroyed by the
desire to have wife and child to keep them in
comfort than I have seen destroyed by drink
and harlots.
William Butler Yeats
Philip
Thompson
•
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Very few people possess true artistic ability.
It is therefore both unseemly and
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making an effort. If you have a burning,
restless urge to write or paint, simply eat
something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Fran Lebowitz
|r~U PPER-LE F TEDGE-i|
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