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Acupuncture — Chinese Herbs — Massage
Bob Rice L.Ac.
EAT
MORE
COOKIES
P,O. Box 193
Cannon Beach, OR
97110
436-1911
Cinnamon Rolls,
Pizza by the Slice,
Muhins, Espresso,
and Cookies
238 N HEMLOCK
Ph. 436-2832
JOYCE L. COC HRAN, M.S.W., A.C.S.W.
I’SIL'I IOTI IFKAI’IST
H O P E L. H A R R IS
|ungi.in-»ricnlixl Depth Psychology approach
to issues of growth, transition, spirituality, gender
L IC E N S E D
M ASSAG E
T H E R A P IS T
(503) 348-5(>31
I ’O. Box 114 • Beaver, Oregon M7HI8
□ 0 3 / 3 2 5 -2 5 2 3
Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC
Lactation Consultant
Breast Feeding Assistance
Medela Breast Pump
Rental Station
P.O. Box 201
179 Coolidge
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Cannon Beach, OR 97110_____________ (503)436-0161
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Dear Tony,
Uncle Mike has many suggestions. The first is not to ask advice from
those you insult. So Uncle Mike writes a weird column does he? At least
he doesn't hang out with women neurotically obsessed with their weight.
No, that's a lie. If one is male, heterosexual, and unwilling to be a monk,
dealing with women who think they're fat is part of the gig. It's a great life
if you don't buckle.
First off, Fluffy, let's be sure we're dealing with reality. Is the woman
mildly porkish or not? Of course she's beautiful to you, but if she could
stand to cut back on the alfredo and bonbons, denying things won't make it
less true. This does not mean you should tell her. Trust Uncle Mike,
nothing lies in that direction but pain, loneliness, and the real threat of
physical attack.
Know this: according to some poll taken by people who busy themselves
asking strangers what they think, something like eighty percent of
American women are dissatisfied with what they see in the mirror. Large
industries have been built on perpetuating this hate affair. Uncle Mike
believes the mirror problem can be solved by spending less time looking
into them, a solution he's tested with great success on himself. He has yet
to find a woman willing to embrace this discipline.
Is your friend’s obsession with body tissue neurotic? You bet. It's a
gender thing, like your obsession with mammary glands and gluteal muscle.
Two ends, you might say, of the same stick. Her compulsion to meet
standards set by those who want to sell her cosmetics, exercise machines,
and liquid diets is no accident. It's a crime against humanity that will stop
when we all quit buying into it.
Uncle Mike's advice is to, at every opportunity, praise your woman to the
heavens. One of the few intelligent things Norman Mailer ever said was
this: most of the problems between men and women would disappear if, at
least once a day, men told women they were beautiful and women told men
they were brave. Yes, it sounds weird and sexist but, as you were clever
enough to point out, this is a weird column.
Dear Uncle Mike,
Do you think O.J. is guilty? I do.
Convinced in Portland
Dear Convinced,
Like you, Uncle Mike hasn’t the foggiest notion. Unlike you, he reserves
his opinion for matters he knows something about.
Guilty or innocent (legal terms, by the way), can you imagine how much
fun it must be for Mr. Simpson (Uncle Mike does not know the man and so
cannot call him O.J.) to have millions of halfbaked nitwits willing to hang
you before the jury hears the evidence? Isn't it great to live in a country
where it's okay to have opinions without benefit of facts or rational
thought?
Uncle Mike knows two things about the O.J. Simpson trial. The first is
that, while Russians are slaughtering Chechens, Serbs are massacring
Muslims, and Mexicans are strafing Mayans, his people are watching
television, munching low fat corn chips, and obsessing about a bloody glove
The second thing Uncle Mike knows is that he wants to vomit.
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Dear Uncle Mike,
This is kind of a weird question, but
you write a kind of a weird column, so I
thought I'd give it a shot. My problem
is my girlfriend. She thinks she's fat.
Not only is she not fat, she's not even
overweight. In fact, she has a great
body. For a while, I thought she wasn't
serious, that she was just fishing for
compliments or something. It’s got to the point she doesn't even want me
to see her naked. I'm really serious about her but it's starting to be a
problem. Any suggestions?
Tony R., Eugene
FR«Wt S aturo NY
3=3<H0>3Q
CLATSOP COUNTY WOMEN'S CRISIS SERVICE
Í -------------------------
325-5735 --------------------------
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Elita Brand 92% Cotton, 8% Lycra bras, panties
£r bodysuits. In black, white and undyed cotton.
Allison Rhea cotton nightgowns with Battenburg
lace trim . In short and long styles.
31 scents o f perfume oil - also used to scent
our lotion, bath £r shower gel and massage oil.
Bring your bottle back fo r a refill andyoull get
a discountl
Dear Uncle Mike,
Where do you stand on spanking children?
Darryl P. in Portland
Dear Darryl,
Uncle Mike regards spanking as an act best restricted to consenting
adults. Even then, he finds it odd. As a means of improving the behavior
of children, he finds it laughable and sadistic. By the time violence against
someone smaller and more innocent than you seems appropriate, the adult
involved is in a state far too irrational to administer judgement. The first
rule of civilization is nobody hits.
Kama Sutra sensual massage and body products.
I f you haven’t visited us lately, you're missing a lot!!
S om etim es A G reat L o tio n
239 N. Hemlock #3 ■ Cannon Beach » 436-0129
I
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L IC E N S E D M A S S A G E
THERAPY
R O S A L IN D C U S A C K . LAAT
O R E G O N & W A S H IN G T O N
xtSSCa.
P O
C A N N O N
B O X
1224
BEACH. O R 97110
(5 0 3 ) 4 3 5 - 2 4 2 5
UPPER LEFT DtC MftRCH W75
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