Septem ber. Once again the venerable Professor m ounts his high horse, cudgel in hand, armed to the teeth w ith bluster and p o n tific a tio n , prepared to assail the clou dy shapes of experience. W ith lance low ered, I com m ence m y verbal charge at this m o n th 's ta rg e t: ram pant insensitivity. This sum m er’ s deluge of self-centered and arrogant to u rist sw arm s, Lexus and V olvo d rivin g , la tttf w ired boors, shouting endless strin gs o f squalling brats do w n main stre e t, leaves me nearly speechless w ith d isg ust and em barrassm ent. W hat have we bocom e as a creature? Have w e no shame? Dr. Karkeys and I collected our th o u g h ts last Saturday on O sburn's Porch, as is our cu sto m , and assessed the dam ages. The good Dr. term s them "p ro n o id s ". He tells me the y're characterized by a general lack of appre ciation for the subtleties o f place and circu m sta n ce . They bring, like dung beetles, th e ir baggage and values w ith them , m odern day afflu e n t carpet baggers and scalaw ags, spreading C ostco across the landscape. M ind you. I'm not asking for some hyp erse nsiti/ed Edgar Allan Poe characters, faculties honed and ultra alert to the tunes of the firm am ent. I m erely hope for some peeling aw ay of the layers of thick skm encasing m any visitors to our co m m u n ity and coastline. My friend V iolet Thom pson believes that civilization s in decline m anifest certain shaiod characteristics, specifically disregard for on e's fe llo w man and for the natural w o rld . Perhaps our sheer numbers and insatiable greed co n trib u te . One can only speculate. Sheri Lerma opens for business at the Cannon Beach Cookie C om pany each m orning at 7 :3 0 a m. Bold signs indicate th a t fact. Sheri, Carol, and Andrea begin their w o rkd a y at 2 :3 0 a m. Premature patrons poke inside the door before seven. "A re you open?" "N o t 'til 7 30, like the sign says." "O h, w ell, could I got som ething?" “ I could give you c o ffe e ," Shen says, w iping m u ffin dough o ff her hands. "I'd like a double latte Am ericano Grande, 's k in n y ', if it's not too much tro u b le ." Sheri grim aces, w ipes the flour from her hands, and sulks tow a rd the ospresso m achine I sit aghast on my counter stool, knocked o ff balance by the sheer cheek of people. A fte r fie leaves, Sheri regroups. "T h a t's n o th in g !" Sheri says, "Y esterday a guy asked mo if I got my baked goods from the rqal bakery d o w n the stre e t!" T hroughout this summer the evidence accum ulated. I'm n o w thoroughly convinced w e are the filthie st, most tho ug htless, and degenerate of creatures. A t m idday a cacophony of car alarms rattles the noon air. Left unattended, the devices w a il and w hine on and on. I pray for the blast of a rocket propelled grenade to pu t the m oaning B M W. out of its m isery. By mid aftern oon autom obile "boom b o xo s" shake the w in d o w s and rattle the giblets of passersby in some soismic Star W ar parody. I shudder and w onder w hat it all means. At lunch one A ugust w eekend I w a it m y turn at O sburn's deli counter. A Jim m y H offa looking guy b u tts in fro nt of me and co n fro n ts the young checkout clerk at the register. "M y son bought some candy here th a t exploded in his m outh, and I w an t my m oney b a c k ." " I 'll give you r 50 cents back, s ir", the young clerk offers. "B ut we d o n 't sell th a t candy here, do w e Suze?" "N o ", the manager, Susan, assures the clerk "W h y you little lying S .O .B .", the H offa guy rages. "I sa w him buy it righ t here in this s to re ." A fte r he storm s o ff, I c o n firm the facts. No exploding candy at O sburns. Early this sum mer a gentlem an urinated behind a rack of cloth s in a local clo th in g store. W hat hath God w ro u g h t, I ask you? Last w eek the final stra w snapped. V icto r. 8 0 year old lobster and long tim e resident o f the Seaside A quarium was kidnapped. Pursued, the perpetrator dropped V ictor on the cem ent w a lk w a y of the Prom in Seaside cracking his carapace. V icto r died 2 days later. I am ashamed for us all. 6 T O l t f T m t OCTOBER Arcadi« 1 tOKOuav aiM.t rurca ja arom aa»«« i I MountiMx-AM r . RONWKAiK*!«, . 1 r N lw ly CANNON BEACH O p e n e d S urf S kate S now t K ayak G ear R ental * * IW 171 SUWSET ELY* OPEN WOLY CANNON BEACH OLYMPIC BOOK EXCHANGE. INC ?.♦> Buy B oom SHUTTLE SCHEDULE • TIM ES MAY VARY SUGMTLY O EPf NOING ON CO NDITIONS • •ObeCI SOUTH l aa .» n a y Par« • ' 4 » k b c fa n Coe«ar VetfVw n PAUL SKKTIR 2509 ha» $*«•» l.iomooH. 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