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A f t T I t T K P R O C Iti
Is there anything you could find out
that would make you wish to stop
living? Is there anything or anyone
you cannot live without7
I am so sad I feel bereft,
spiritually I feel like I am not reel
enough, like life Is always such a
compromise I know you d have to be
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an idiot in this day and aye to not feel
that, but I feel like I am meant to feel something strong and good I feel like I w ill someday I used
to, actually It was a feeling that I thought I'd be able, someday, to actualize and insulate, to make
strong It was my goal for adulthood
I assumed there'd be someone else, an SO (that s PC speak for significant other) who d fit
into the picture But it's not just a relationship, it's a whole thing And it's not instant and
constant and easy, simple, reassuring like it used to be It comes and goes Sometimes I even
want it to go away I call it (smdely) [nkelend, after my name
Urn, i t has to do with my place in the world Why do I feel so ineffectual 7 Why do I care? I
just do Am I on egomaniac7 Headed for disaster? Disappointment’ Yawn, I mgetting sleepy
I've also lost my ab ility to dream, and even (th is is emberessing) my ability to fantasize
sexually This has never been an issue with me I think I feel unlovable Ew Pretty p itifu l.
huh7 You know how, in magazines, columnists try to assuage lover's guilt over fantasizing
someone other then their S O ? W ell, I sometimes fantasize that I'm someone else That's a new
one for me
I know someone whom I'm madly drawn to, Ilka a kamikaze, as if they were someone I'd known
forever and trust im p licitly (although, in fact, I have good reason to be w ary) who would say I'm
being self indulgent and that everyone feels that way I don't know
But thinking about stuff llka this mekts ma lonely Why?
Love, Erika in Portland
52 I M l>avisPDX‘)’ 2 ^ '50 0 2 IT 5121
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Dear Erika,
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PATRICK KEALEY
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239 N H EM LO CK
My, we are In a metaphysical funk, aren't w e7 It's fortunate you wrote to Uncle Mike
promptly since any delay might have cured your angst before Uncle Mike bed a chence to put in
his two cants worth
Is there anything that would make Uncle Mike want to stop living? Absolutely Death, for one
Intractable physical pain for another Or the belief he was of no use to anyone Or forgetting the
words to Bobby McGee
Is there anything or anyone Uncle Mike cannot live without7 Aside from food, w ater, oxygen,
cigarettes and coffee, he can't think of a thing Other humans’ Although he has a great capacity
for love and at least hts fatr allotment of friends. Uncle Mike has, like Bob Dylan, seen pretty
people disappear like smoke Again end again end egain After e few such episodes, even a
chimpanzee would get the picture
Why do you feel ineffectual7 Since all actions have an effect. Uncle Mike can only assume that
a) you a rt in a profound state of inertia, or b) you're trapped inside your head He suggests you
do something
Ph. 43« 2832
Why do you care7 Probably because you are a caring person Are you an egomaniac? Uncle
Mike must, with all due respect, laugh Egomaniacs assume their difficulties are the result of
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others refusal to worship them Your difficulties seem the result of your reluctance to
appreciate yourself In Uncle Mike's experience, the best humans are those who ere constantly
baffled that anyone finds them even remotely interesting
Are you headed for disaster 7 Who knows7 If Uncle Mike were a betting men, and he is, he d
bet not Intelligence and empathy are strong talismans against making the sort of bonehaad
mistakes that feed one s life into the cosmic shredder You seem possessed of both
Are you headed for disappointment7 Of course, dear Who among us is not? As far as Uncle
Mike can see, the trick is to have the fewrst possible expectations Dreams, yes Hopes,
absolutely Expectations, nope Expectations depend on one s ability to premet tne future
Something that, given the nondeter mi nistic nature of all events, none of us should try at home
Working without lust for results is tha prayer moat often answered
That you ve lost your ab ility to dream seems. In Uncle Mike's experience, a short term
disabilty A symptom rather than a disease You're dreaming whether you remember your
dreams or not That you aren't remembering them can mean a number of things, none more
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serious than a cognat,ve hangnail Uncle Mike, for Instance, has had dream cycles he d give a
year of his life to get back He suspects that's the reason they're gone
That you've lost your ability to fantasize is only a slightly bigger deal It sounds to Uncle Mike
like your libido is backing up Or that you're not In an especially sexual mode Just now Uncle
Mika would wager his old mother's pension the, the fentestes, end the reel,ties, w ill return
Uncle Mike is sad the, you are sad Even sadder tha, you are spiritually bereft He senses the
reel problem is that you re feeling lonely and isolated and wounded by love Welcome to the
human comedy Mo, unlike the person to whom you're madly drawn. Uncle Mika does no, think
you re being self indulgent Uncle Mike thinks you re being an introspective human, one of
Uncle Mike s favorite kinds
Most of a ll, Uncle Mike thinks you're hanging out with people who, for one reason or another,
aren't your people People who are your people exhibit certain behaviors They appreciate you
for who you are They care about your well - being end act in ways tha, support your sense of
self They accept Ihe gift of your friendship with gratitude and respect And, most importantly,
they give more than they take
You are no, unlovable, Erika You are probably no, even unloved Uncle Mike suggests you
find a rose and smell It Or run oft with him for • week In the Bahamas
He caa c o a p re s s th e a o s t w ords in to
th e a a a lle a t idea o f a a y a a a I ew er
aet
A h r a h a a L in c o ln
YO U COME EROM
L .A .
to
5EA5IDE
FOR YOUR H A IR DESIGN?
Robin Stellin Does!
Deeigrmg tor Prvme Perfection
(503) 738-9313
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