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Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité
Motto of P rance
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Rhino quit», Kerry fell» down, the pleyer»
threaten • strike' Whet's the deal here? A
plot to make us all soccer fans? We wish the
Sandberg family the best, a healthy future for
Harry and a full season for the rest of us
Please,
c e r a m ic s c u lp t u r o • c e r a m ic g a r d o n a r t
cotvcrtis Oregon 07330
503» 745*5244
I X & L t of C o n t e n t s :
3
h ITORIAL
W'L-buFE IN FRANCE
M unicipal M< wo , C oast R an / ge
O fdate
5 PROFESSOR L in OSEY
6 M eanwhile
in N ewport
B ehind the tnies
*7 WtNE C olumn
T herapy
page
AO L'TKR atvre
42 t 43 M rsic
W B aseball
45 MOtfits $ F unnies
46 Z
Dear Fellow Vaudevilhans, entertainers, et al
7,4
BASEBALL
P«: 2
The Country Fair takes place the first weekend
after the fourth of July and is located east of
Eugene, Or We have attended for several years
and recently received this missive from some of
the Vaudevilhans we hang out with during the
Fair
Speaking of the Fair
We are reminded of an
incident at the fair, it was the Monday after the
Fair had closed to the public and the people who
ran the booths and live at the fair for four or five
days were packing up their vehicles and heading
out We were sitting at the Blazing Salads booth
with a friend, finishing our breakfast Behind us
on the path/road was a VW bus loaded and
coughing out exhaust fumes We decided to get up
and move a few yards away Two people remained
a few feet from the exhaust pipe eating their fruit
and granola breakfast, as my friend and I rolled up
a couple of Drum tobacco cigarettes These folks
sitting in the cloud of exhaust fumes gave us a
filthy look as we lit up, and one said, 'Excuse me,
we are trying to eat here ' My friend and I started
laughing and couldn t stop What reminded us of
this incident was a logo for "Militant Non-Smokers
of America' recently run in the North Coast Times
Eagle We called Mr McCusker to inquire about
this group and he (tho an ex-smoker himself) said
no such group really existed, it was just an old logo
that fit in a hole (We understand ) The reason we
were concerned was of course the recent hysterical
rhetoric of the Anti-Drug lobbies Now don t get us
wrong, we do not recommend the use of any drug
for everyone All drugs are dangerous to some
degree And tobacco is one of the most powerful
that grows naturally on this continent (Dosage is
so im p o rtan t) But to compare the pollution in our
air from tobacco use to that from automobiles and
industry is to compare slingshots to atomic bombs
Indoor smoking can, of course, cause unhealthy
and unpleasant conditions, but so can perfumes
and aftershaves Social behavior needs to be and is
being modified Smokers have had to learn to be
more sensitive And that is always a good thing
The bad thing is the demonizing of smokers The
polarization The legislation or prohibition We
believe that most of the health problems blamed
on tobacco smoke can most likely be traced right
back to the exhaust pipe of the automobile We
have a label on a pack of cigarettes that says,
Z
Last year at the fair not long after the Midnight
show a vaudevilhan stood next in line for an
outhouse when a woman from inside began
spreaking to him, relating a story which since that
night has been indeliably etched in his mind
In 1969 she had come to the fair from Iowa in
search of love and freedom On that Saturday
years ago the day was hot and the outhouse lines
were long In the morning she patiently waited 45
minutes to relieve herself, but then seeing a young
mother pregnant with twins who was babysitting a
friend s children she felt compassion and gave
them her turn By mid-morning she had again
reached the head of the line when she saw an
elderly gentleman with his grandfather who was
too proud Her heart went out to them and she
once again relinquished her place in line This
happened 23 more times that day until finally well
into the night she was amazed to find an empty
outhouse she had never seen before Without
hesitation she opened the door and entered
Lighting a match, she was astonished to find it
immaculate' With a great sense of relief she sat
down at last Following her grand achievement she
reached for the paper
there was none At that
precise moment a ray of light shot up from
between illuminating the entire chamber in an
eerie pulsating glow She heard a choir of beautiful
sounds echoing as if in a magnificent temple A
voice came to her and in gentle tones It said,
'Before thou wlpeth, read what is w r it" With
trembling hands she reached out to the roll that
only an instant ago had not been there She beheld
a single ply soft as a rose petal with the scent of
some indescribable ambrosia upon whose surface
was inscribed shimmering letters from a strange
language she somehow understood There in the
mystical light these writings revealed to her the
secret of true happiness At this epiphinal moment
she felt a great weight had been taken, almost as if
she had wings Out of habit in a single swift move
she tore the sacred sheet and cleansed herself
When she released the paper the glow
disappeared Realising what had been done with
the secret of happiness she was mortified' In the
darkness the voice came again, 'Feel not mortified
I am the angel Camote and because of your 25 acts
of kindness every 25 years I will return to this
temple to reveal the secret of happiness Prepare
Tour angel Camote shall return ’
The vaudevilhan stood waiting for the
punchline After what seemed like an enterm ty
none came, so he opened the door THE OUTHOUSE
WAS EMPTY'
Coni on
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