the masqued balls where we all come
dressed as our favorite re la tiv is tic wave
form 7
Halloween, eat youi heart out
Servtng All Of Clatsop County
Smce 1976
Each year about this time, were
reminded there are s t ill issues in this
world which are if not actually worth
dying for. certainly worth bothering others
about Times when to remain silent would
be to violate some fundamental law of
justice and moral order
ves, Albert Einstein s birthday It s
March 14th. as if anyone cared
Would someone explain to me very
slowly, why banks and schools are open?
Why there s mail delivery? Where the
commemorative celebrations are7 The
speeches, the eulogies, the thought piece
on 60 Minutes7
P olitical correctness aside, what
culture in its right mind lionizes George
Washington (the one standing up in the
rowboat) and ignores one of the deepest
thinkers humanity has produced, a man who
redefined our notions of re a lity 7
Do we sound m iffe d 7 we are And the
lis t just goes on
Columbus was the f irst European to
winter in the Caribbean Einstein was the
fir s t human to recognize that gravity is
the curvature of space/time
Jefferson wrote great prose Einstein
wrote fie ld equations describing black
holes half a century before their effects
were observe')
Lincoln freed the labor force and saved
the country from a bad business decision
Einstein united mass and energy and saved
us from imagining we re separate from
what we observe
Martin Luther King went to the mountain
top Einstein showed that its mass curves
light
Is It just me. or should this count for
something7
We love that there s a Labor Day it s
important to remember that, given a
chance, the greed mongers in the corner
o ffice w ill feed us and the kids into the
machine without overtime benefits
We love that there s a veterans Day to
honor those men and women who risked
their lives to enforce decisions made by
power-mad hacks who regard them as
s ta tis tic s
We love that there s a Memorial Day to
honor the dead and encourage us to
question authority And a Fourth of July to
celebrate, in advance, our independence
and right to life and liberty
We love holidays and all they stand for,
and, were we king, there would be many
more of them One of them Albert
Einstein s birthday if nothing else, we do
it for the children
When Albert was a lad he wondered
what he'd see if he rode on a beam of light
More than on#» person told Albert he was
an airhead, but he kept on wondering The
mass/energy equation and general
re la tiv ity were the answers he came up
w ith
What harm would it do to let school
children know th is 7 Or that, before he
described what he saw, humanity honestly
believed it knew all there was to know,
or, for that m atter, that he stopped
wearing socks when he realized they
weren't necessary7
Where are the lesson plans for
wondering7 For not giving up when people
think you're a lit t le do tty7 For imagining
that the real issues aren't on Oprah7
And, most im portantly, where are all
ION
•Coastal Landscape Specialist*
8 6 1 -1 4 6 8
• D **X jn • Construction
• Irnystion • Rockones
« Sod & Seed Lawns
• Retaining WaRs
• Water Features
• Native and
Ornamental Planing
• Tractor S ervres
Kitzhaber ‘94
4800 S W Griffith Park Drive, Suite 300
Beaverton Oregon 9 /0 0 5
G r u n t W r itin g S e rv ic e
(
Rig plans stalled by lack of funds'*
Art you a progressive
* drganiratkxi, group or collective
* political campaign
* publication or individual
Pmiensxmal consulting, research and
wnbng service can help get you funded!
Call PROGRESSIVE DEVELOPMENT
?sK-455‘)
QUIET COTTAGES
CLOSE TO BEACH
VOUA HOST
PATRICK KEALEY
(503) 436-2237
18« E VAN BUREN
P O Bo i 426
CANNON BEACH, OR
Casti««/ D in in g
Overlooking the Hestucca River
Sign held by a thoroughly disgusted
looking person on a Newport street corner
WILL WORK FOR A BUS TICKET “
Dumber sticker on an elderly 4 wheel
drive pickup CLEARCUTS PRE VENT
FOREST FIRES '
Note for the euphemistically challenged
it is not a jig saw it is an acute angle
cutting device
Rumor Bob Pack wood is thinking of
running for governor He heard Barbara
Roberts seat is up for grabs
Comment from a lady who read the
manuscript of a (sob) s t ill unpublished
novel I wrote a while back "I read the
whole thing, Alex, but I don t want to talk
about it You re really w eird In fact I
don t think I want to talk to you
Speak ,ng of weird, my friend Brad has
file d the papers and is running for
governor of Oregon In living memory he
has run for Newport Mayor, City
Councilman. County Commissioner, and
several federal office s He always gets
my vote The above mentioned lady may
nor agree but l firm ly believe there isn t
enough high weirdness in the world and
especially not in state office
The community of Netarts, though, is
doing just fine ,n the weirdness
department A postcard, printed in
Morrocco but bearing that community's
postmark, arrived at the ULE office s
addressed to Yr Obt C lm nst. informing
that Lorena Bobbit s sister is looking for
me it is signed by one Al Haj Abdul Aziz
The author H P Lovecraft once wi ote of
someone of that name as ' The mad Arab
Abdul Aziz, author of the blasphemous
book The Necronomicron'
If Al Haj is the same person he s about
600 years old and should be easily
identified When netted, I suggest
immediate shipment to a government
shelter for the re a lity challenged
Meanwhile, personally, being somewhat
challenged in the Bobbit area of expertise
already. I'm being cautious Very, very
cautious
Spirits • i t it Sandwk hes
C rrM i S rdliX K l d in n e rs • M o m r K . i k r i l d e sse rts
Jay Raskin
Architect
Live Musk: Every Saturday /Y/ghi
( 5 0 3 ) 9 6 3 - 6 7 22
r A c i r i c c it y o k c q o m
P.0 box 1160
C jm x ' beach. 0*
97110
36-2162
------------------------------\
The greatest reward of iravel may be
a renewed appreciation of home Once
upon a ume when outhouses
outnumbered MacDonalds when more
reading was done m the former than
ever will be in the latter the elegant
advertisements in magazines often were
footnoted Slightly higher Vest of the
Rockies
Prey even in my youth to
metAphysical dyslena 1 may have
confused higher freight costs with
hightened consciousness yet I still feel
that Westerners are privileged to live in
such dramatic geography that human
conceit occasionally withers where it is
born
Young deep rivers mountains so new
their harsh upthrust edges seem
unworn deserts so vast and fragile that
footprints last for decades this is the
world outside our tiny doors Outflows
of the oldest basalt on the earth cross a
line of living volcanoes and w inter
storms as frightening as the continuous
earthquakes are delivered directly from
the vast adjoining ocean
I am grateful for the immediacy of a
place that wears human presence like
ram on the back of a bear It s good to
be home
WE’RE
MOVING!
WE LL BE CLOSED
JANUARY &
FEBRUARY, 1994 —
BUT WATCH FOR
US NEXT MARCH
IN OUR NEW,
NEARER-THE-
OCEAN LOCATION:
LANEDA & CARMEL
(MANZANITA,
OF COURSE!)
• EAT IN OR OUT •
5-« PM MON-THURS, 5-9 PM FRI & SAT
AT 411 LANEDA AVENUE UNTIL DECEMBER 24TH,
THEN EVEN THE FIXTURES ARE FOR SALE
CALL 368-5346 OR 368-5593 FOR INFORMATION
V ------
FEATURING KID SIEGEL. BLUES. FRIDAY NIGHTS
wmintb&trEBMMY i w 3
|