Dateline Nov 6, 1993, LA The Oregonian Featured is a w ire service photo, of an out of work ball-player He s decked out in an apron and a paper hat He's doing community service He s serving food to volunteer f ire -f ighters in Malibu Beach Yes, it's Vince Coleman And do you know what the best thing is about this picture7 He's smiling And this is the last tim e I w ill w rite .about Vince Coleman Brief Notes, Karma Dept Vince Coleman was always a f iqure of low drama, culm inating in his debacle of assault, conviction, plea bargain, and summary dismissal from the worst team in baseball t est we forget, let's re-cap He was Rook le of the Year for the 85 Cardinals, one of the best teams in th e past twenty years Although he could evade a tag at second base, he somehow couldn t elude a 5mph k iHer tarp machine at Busch Stadium, suffering a leg injury and contributing to a World Series defeat He was an innual stolen base leader w ith an abyssmal on-base percentage He could leg out impossible infleld hits, but his strikeouts were a constant headache He never could figure out how to steal fir s t in 91, the Cards gave up on him, and he signed as a free agent w ith the Mets He immediately established himself as a fixtu re of locker room s trife and complaint, at one time claiming the Shea Stadium surface was costing his place in, get this, the Hall of Fame This litany of woe came to its predictable climax when Coleman tossed a chunk of dynamite into a crowd of his wage payer s outside Chavez Ravine and then sped off tnOarryl Strawberry s jeep,laughing At th is time, I suggested that perhaps this o v e r -paid, out of touch , 9130 FAX 503 4 36 9525 <3 RISTAURANT * MARKIT © i rosh Seafood • Restaurant • Gill Racks Petty Bitchiness Dept Last year, Paphael Palmiero took the T-xas Rangers to arbitration and won. w ith good reason The Rangers had no case Palmiero is or»e of the new stars of the game and a backbone of this team, along w ith Franco and Gonzalez The last time we looked, the Rangers were one pitcher away from a pennant Nevertheless, in a f it of feudal temper, the owners of the Rangers refused to deal w ith Palmiero in good fa ith this year. and signed a lamedurk w ill Clark to a free agent contract instead In the follow ing hubub, Palmiero named Clar k a Union-Bust mg Greedhead, and W ill said Raphael was entitled to his opinion Baseball is a business, involving vast amounts of money, and an owner can hire and terminate employees as he or she sees f it Perhaps all professional sports should be socialized and treated as public works, w ith elected directors But that's another issue Raphael Palmiero has just plain blown away W ill Clark in every stat that counts for the last two years He is clear ly the better ballplayer This contract decision is nothing more than a vendetta on the part of the Texas Rangers managing partner, and the long suffering fans in Dallas deserve better If you number yourself one of these, direct your correspondence to, The Texas Rangers Baseball Club I 799 Copeland Rd |P D Ar lington, TX QUIZ 1) Three sluggers had an astonishing career RBI per game ra tio of 92 Who down t belong here? A) Ted W illiam s 9 ) Sam Thompson C) lo u Gehrig 0 ) Hank Greenberg 2 ) Locked into an epic groove, he hit 10 dingers in 20 at bats in 1968 Who was this guy7 A) W illie Mctovey B) B illy W illiam s C) Richie Allen 0 ) fra nk Howard 3) Who is ihe only Hall ot Famer to homer in his firs t at-bat on opening day'1 A) Paul Waner B) Earl A v e rill C) t ou Brock 0 ) Yogi Berra 4) Tony Perez is going in the Hall next year, if lustice prevails Which one of these guys has more RBIs than 7) And which of Ibese grazers is the oldest player to hit 40 homers in a seewn'1 A) Darrel Evans B) Carl Yastrzyrns*i C) Hank Aaron D) Mike Schmidt 8 ) Who is the only player to score six runs in a game twice7 A) Ty Cobb B) Me!Ott C) Sian Musial D) Ricky Henderson 9 ) Which set of siblings garnered the most M ajor-league base hits? A) Hank and Tommy Aaron B) Paul and I loyd Waner Ch*oe. Dorn & Vinoe DiMaggio D) Felipe, Matty A Jesus Alou 10) Which of these ’ w irle rs was the youngest wSen they won the Cy Young'1 A) Fernando Valenzuela B) Tom Glsvine C) Dwight Gooden D) Bret Saber hagm Tony7 A) B) C) 0) Rogers Hornsby T ris Speaker Harmon KHIabrew Reggie Jackson 5 ) Everyone knows Al k aline won a baiting title at age 20. who was the youngest in the National league? A) Rico Carty B) Pete Reiser C) B illy Hamilton D) B ill Madlock EXTRA CREDIT Who was the only Cy Young award winner to fxjve a son play in the Maiors7 Next Month Big league Her Thai I in Cannon Beach' Reader Mail The State of the Game and a contest w ith PRIZES' 6) Who was the oldest mounds™ an to recor d 300 strikeouts in a season? A) Steve Carlton B) Tim Keefe C) Mike Scott D) Don Sutton “ I JIM WEATHERS Attn George Bush III a h fk ^ toy B ru c e J o h n s to n L a u r e ls Gonnrnl ContraeJar C annon B each / / I6 7 2 W in e S h o p 201 Spnjco Geattxart. O t o q íx i 97 tae (503) 73A-ÔA21 2 ft J N . I I m i l o ik 4 3 6 *1 8 8 5 ( 9 0 3 ) 4 3 ft Iftftft U C IH S IO ftOMoro M M H ) 123 S Hemlock • P O Bo« I 159 • ( annon Beach ♦ OH 97110 university Taylor street was experiencing gentrification, and the party I attended by Marsha Morgan was a grand old six-flat, newly renovated and inhabited by migrating North Siders Oh, it was a very sad day in Bridgeport Mighty Bo had struck out Not to mention The party was on two levels and downstairs, the large TV screen was the "Big Hurt" and the even bigger Bell Chicago had three mighty Caseys and they surrounded by an upwardly mobile crowd cheering the Sox m that do-or-die Sox had all struck out game in Toronto I joined in, of course, at As I walked to the bus stop on the day after the Sox ignominous defeat in Comisky this point, happy to be cheering any winning Chicago team Park. I saw a hand lettered sign in the North side fans are forgiving They wait gutter, "White Sox Suck" and graffiti on a until next year, they make excuses, they newly painted wall, a more economical, "Sox Suk * Its not that south side fans are fill the stadium game after game and cheer rude (they are), but they show their anger, for a team completely out of the running The south siders tolerate no excuses disappointment and sadness They don't There is no pretence at genUemany or make excuses, they just express ladylike sportsmanship When the Cubs themselves At first this didn t sit right with me 1 m won the division and went to the playoffs against San Diego, Sox fans wore San Diego a Cubs fan after all, and I was shocked T-shirts and hats When the Sox stink up when the Sox fans booed their own home the south side, the fans do not speak team during the first two games of the encouragingly about next year They get playoffs Cubs fans go out of their minds mad Sox suk when the team makes it to 500, even Perhaps it is time we do the same, to when they win a game decisively, speak out in anger and tell the Chicago northsiders celebrate for days after A few days before, 1 attended a party on Cubs organization just how disappointing it is to be a Cubs fan How terrible it is to tell Taylor Street in what remained of the old Italian neighborhood before Mayor Richard our children and our friends, year after J Daley turned it into a sprawling, soul-less year, to wait until next year To make excuses and talk about sportsmanship and im iE T T L D & E JA M M Y I W sticking with your team, win or lose, l e t t e r « frem Chicaqe regardless of how crazy your friends and especially your children think you might be Being a Cubs fan is like expecting the tooth fairy to leave money when you have your wisdom teeth removed Enough already Let s quit saying wait until next year The waiting should be over by now and the rewards should be forthcoming Get it together, guys 1 don't care whether it's management or coaching or leadership or hitting or pitching or the fact that the locker rooms are as old as Old Man Doubleday For god's sake, let's fervently pray that the Cubs make their Number One resolution in 199-4 to Play Ball, really Play Ball' Otherwise, I resolve to attend all Cubs games in the parking lot of the 7-11 across the street from the old friendly confines and yell. Cubs Stink Cubs Stink Oh, God That felt sooo good Just try it once You'll feel so much better Cubs Stink' (Although we understand Marsha is just going through the winter withdrawal symptoms common m baseball fans, we feel we must print this disclaimer Any opinions of the author about the Cubs or their fans, are strictly those of the author, and are not necessarily those of The Upper Left Edge, its publishers, editors, or its advertisers It shall continue to be the policy of this paper to support the Chicago Cubs to its last dying breath -ed) A*(tq«e« • Codectfclf« • CiA« M a x im u m B ro w s a b lllty l B a c k r o o m b o o k s to re p rin t» o r .d a rt xn»'n • KW3 AMcr*ft OO Astoria's Best Kept Secret W IIT M A R IN I M IN I M A R T Baseball 1- A 2- 0 J -B 4- D Quiz Answers- 6-C 7-A 8 B 9 -B 5- B TO-C EXTRA CREDIT- Vernon la w , whose sun Vance toiled Tor the Port'and Bevos before moving up to the Pirates in 1980