D^ar t »nr I p Mik*, Arp you p ro -litp or pro-choice7 Angela w , Rhododendron Dear Anqela. B efore answering, Unr le Mike would like to point out thaf, w ith all due respect. it s non** of your business This said, w*- go on, approa* hirtq the issue through the ba*"k door After much soul searching, Uncle Mike lias decided he is neither a n ti- liie r»or a n ti-rh o ifp A situation without choices is worse than a day without sunsfiine it is a day without free w ill Having grown fond of making his own decisions, uncle Mike would miss the opportunity to makp bonehpad mistakes Oh, the choices ftp s had and the der 1510ns he s madp hut w#* digress Unc I p Mike stands foursquare behind the notion that what's inside his body is his a principle applying to both fetuses and involuntary urine samples Anything less and liber ty is a charade As for being p ro -life , who is not7 Those who are not would, Py definition, be either dead or making arrangements A woman who decides to abort her unborn child is not ant I-1 if e She is simply, for one reason or another, unable to meet the demands of raising a human being Given the results of indictable parent inq displayed on thp nightly news, such decisions are not necessarily immoral • Regarding death per se, relieving in the conservation nt m atter and energy, Uncle Mike has no end of trouble pinpointing the nanosecond when a living system stops being alive Change and decay don t qualify On the quantum level (ttie proverbial bottom line), death is a m isinterpretation of the data Life, as thpy say, goes on In a closed (if inf in ite) universe, therp is no place else to go F inally, Uric le Mike guest ions the logic of true believers who qun down doctors (aka agents of the devil) in park mg lots A growing mountain of evidence from physics and bioelectromagnetics points to the com forting view that the universe is its e lf alive, each b it of it conscious and evolving To believe that human life is more sacred than any other is to indulqe in fuzzy thinking Uncle Mike (who loves children and would wish them all born into a best of all possible worlds) wonders if those m illin g angr ily in front of Planned Parenthood clin ic s a) eat meat, h) support armed c o n flic t in which strangers slaughter each other at a distance, or c) have any adopted children Dear Unc le Mike, l‘m 23 and my boyfr lend arid I have been living together tor a year He wants to get married I'm not so sure i know I love him, but l don t know if I know enough to know if I want to make that kind of commitment Is everyone this uncertain7 My mom reads you, so I figure you're older and might have some good advice Cold Feet in Neskowin * ‘•guai to yotjr own, and m aintaining this posture for better and i w ->rst that s impossible to imagine And then there are the ► ids Havmq been married once, and patented several times, Uncle Mike is now happily unattached bu* would not nave missed a minute of pair bonding - ev**n the insanity arid hysteria As for advice, one might a1« w ell f lip a rom Given a good attitude, and the certainty that wp learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes, there are precious few failures n life 7 iw /i o f ‘^ rr^inc( by the Sea • / o u £ u y /rn / and Site p u t dr • t ’lN tcMB S it « u d •f ubbie flath et 'ShiiMIfft tMp •St artvntutfh e t Co ïû tn e JrOffriirue ftvd u iU 4360129 2 3 4 HtmL* ( i.l (.an/urn JQa»A Dear Un< le Mik e, a while back, you printed a cure for hiccups I was so impressed. I wrote it down Now l can't find the piece of paper I wrote it down on Could you give it to me again7 HOPE L H A R R IS L IC E N S E D MASSAGE T H E R A P IS T Ted C . Lincoln City 303- 3 2 5 2 5 2 3 Dear Ted. Uncle Mike sincerely hopes you ve not been hiccupping (or hiccoughing) steadily, w aiting for his reply if so, listen carefully You .are very sick and should go to the hospital Having no medical credentials, Uncle Mike cart only report what he witnessed in a saloon A woman who said she d Peen hiccoughing for four hours (b e tw e e n Seattle and Portland) sat down and asked the w aitress for a bottle of b itte rs She sloshed some onto tier napk in, stuffed the napk in in her mouth and surked on it Two minutes la’ er. she was as cured as anyone returning from Lourdes IN N IW H I A U N 4 t m » O W I > l P K K lU S I N f c » IT IIT K C O M U U A N T •ÎH IIA H U -M » ) W R lT IR • IN N O V A T O R (5 0 1 ) 7 )0 9 4 4 0 ROM 1 0 7 1 IIA IIP I O R 9 7 1 )0 O * 6 A N I 2 A T IO N A l C H A N C I C l O » A l « I N I W A l R ( V I T A l 12 A T IO N A c u p u n t u r e — ( h irw N - H e r b s — M a s s a g r VICTOR H. PLUCY. m.fl. Counseling Psychotherapy IndtsndmiJs Couples & families 436 9225 SklM AM56SIA Geyor I «ewe Pending k a » v « a f v b i l H u f f he is a a 4e a a i i l p ro s p e r ity m i ease t r y h i a A P G eu lb ey Rolfing by Linda S tephens creating m drprndm cr from physical restriction ’ Injury Rehabiltatuxi 1SH00 S W Ik .r w s Frrrv Kit C U T Frrr fem aukabans ¡Akr Oswtgi. Or OTOBf. IX» cat) Uhi4 14 sta rs r x ie n r t v t as ■ hralth ra rr iratit»tt» S W l I K ’ I I I I K l l 'i s l nl»\l tK'|Mli I'M th tilitg l .ip|'fi»h ll In I»-««-» ni gnu» ili tf.inxilHMi . «ptitluwhts girxivf ( S i l l )MK StiJI 1 - • • • H Q < m . KAREN ANDERSON The M a t la v i a a r ig h t is b e fo re it starts F r e 4 r ic k 9 L e v is Dear Cold Feet, You hunch is correct Uncle Mike is older' In fa rt, deliriously so Paddling happily against the currents of f jshion, U rrle Mike is in no hurry to he young again He did that. wd it made him very tired Is everyone uncertain7 One would hope so Those certain of everything make poor dinner companions Is everyone uncertain about rnarriaqe7 Aside from characters in poor novels and those entirely ignorant of human nature. Uncle Mike thinks ye^ And for good reason Here s what rnarriaqe is. booblah An oath between two people to love, honor, and cherish each other u n til d e jth It means vowing friendship in the face of eat inq and sleeping w ith each other for. say. f if t y years it means putting another persons interests on a level at least urrtre itn tö« iicirnuna THEM PAGE M e d e la Breast P um p R e n ta l S ta tio n P.O Box 201 179 Coolidge Cannon Beach. OR 97110 (501)4 '6-0161