Dear Uocle Mike R5K UNCLE MIKE HELIOTROPE NATURAL FOODS H ire d Bonehead Merkle 2 ) E rn ie 1 nm h ardi "Salem's Widest Variety of Natural Foods" 2060 M a rk e t Street N l Mon I n • Salem. O R 97301 tym, Sat My aunt and uncle whom I h a rd ly know are celebrating th e ir V lth wedding a n n iv e rs a ry nest month They live an hour s drive away and our re la tio n sh ip is lim ite d U» Christmas and b irth la v cards The few times I ve seen them as an adult they ve been aloof to both me and ray husband Are we obliged to go7 Do we have to take a g i f t 7 Mv husband say we should but I sav w hv be p h o n y 7 What do you t h in k 7 Mary R Portland 3) B illy Buckner 4) 1 yman Rostock M a) Harmon Killebrew b) Zoiio Veralles • 36254X 7 6 )Chuck Klein 7pm. Sun 1 lam bpm custom designing quality handmade teuelry Dear Mary The fir s t th in g you should do is stop lo n tu s m g Uncle Mike w ith Ann l anders At the risk of s ta rtlin g you M ary there are real problems in the w orld to say n o th in g of in te re s tin g questions To say yo u r concerns fa ll short of the mark is to h ila rio u s ly understate the case This said we press on Should you honor yo u r aunt and uncle on th e ir SOth wedding a n n iv e rs a ry 7 To answer th is Uncle Mike must fir s t know if you were raised bv weasels I f not your dilemma disappears Uncle Mike refuses even to discuss w h e th e r you should b rin g a g ift Ä m t e r « ta th is M onth s Quia SANDPIPI H SQUAKl UPSTAIRS r o K- « i i • hristiu.i Stanley R N , IIX 11 Muddy Wsrias C o lin Co. I .Kt.itton Consultant Breast Feeding Assistance 1«M lui Street Suite I Tillamook Oregon 9* 141 SOI • M .’ !*») M c d c l.i Breast Bump 7 ^ R ental S t.itum Dear Uncle Mike I l l M I DASH) I ve got a guy problem You re a guv so maybe you can help 1 m 28. single and have a great b o y frie n d N either of us has much money but every lim e we go out Peter insists on paying Its not some lame paternal trip In every other way he treats me like an equal He even let me push the car once when the battery was dead Why can t I pick up a beer tab7 Any ideas' OR 97110 t 501)4 it' 0161 S EC O N D HAN d Ì A N T IQ U E S JU N K J ill W L in co ln City im n s flH is Dear Jill. Uncle Mike s fir s t idea is that you and he should d rin k beer soon Uncle Mike s second idea is that you m ig h t be confusing cash flow w ith seiual p o litics This can be a nasty mistake Uncle Mike loves to hear o f young swains bearing g ifts of food e n te rta in m e n t and beer to the women they love As long as they don t im agine they re b u yin g or leasing som ething it is when you stop to th in k about it a nice th in g for them to do What true frie n d would discourage acts o f g e n e ro sity7 Uncle Mike applauds your sense ot fairness and recognizes the im portance of yo u r pa rtn e r le a rn in g to recieve beer as w ell as give it But as anyone m the b a rter economy o r a sucessful re la tio n s h ip w ill te ll you g iv in g lakes many form s Judging from what you cite as the o n ly problem in the re la tio n sh ip Uncle Mike would bet that you give as much as you get perhaps w ith o u t know in g Men are fu n n y If yours wants to pick up the check practice yo u r thank yous Pick the r ig h t moment look him in the eye and te ll him how glad you are he s yo u r frie n d Dear Uncle Mike t9 1 0 2 n d Joyce L C o c h ra n . M S I ACS I • Tillamook • 042 2299 Wed Mon 11 5 I PSTCHOTHEIAPIST J a a p ta a a rte a ie tl Depth P*Tcbalagy Approach la m u a s a f G rautb T raasm aa S p iritu a lity. t a ! Geadar m u ry anne r. h h n. i< h t-i h e rs h e y For information call (5031 398-5631 C a n n o n Ih u irli lÆ A tlior Thia f i n e I» « I t ie r G a r t n r n li • m l AoetwBorfe« P O Boa 116 239 N Hemlock Cannon Reach. OH 971,0 Sandra L Love( 503)4 36 0206 Two Poems by Robert Cohen The C ritical Theory of Mr. Cat A woman needs a man. like a Tiih needs a bicycle will gjnore the stories written by cave (ire These poems are from M r Cogito vol X no 2 (used w ith perm ission ) a publication fe a tu rin g o rig in a l poetry tra n slatio ns and lin e draw ings Submissions and subscriptions should be sent to John M Gogol PO Boi 66124 Portland Or 97290 IJ9 fo r 3 issues) (submissions should include a SASE) Dear Donna " H r d id n 't «ay 'al d e n le . ' d id k r ’ ” DON PETRIE’S ITALIAN FOOD COMPANY 613NW Third 265 FOOD Nye Beach. Newport ________________________ I Mr Cat dtdrn come horno last nynt or the night tiufore I know •• anarchists believe n autonomy and I, .tfKtractly. believe m anything at a« But Mr Cat 8 more than an abstraction he's family, and (.unify moves me to fear for the fraily of fealty to belief It's an .itrioofotir.ai work!. every event an exception of the will io order experience into faith on the normal curve of nature and history and I loo an outtyer leave the door open in case I have been deceived Mr. C at Gets Vetted Rosetta Hurley nNwentToe r u t s SAT I I AM » PM OH HV APPOMTW HT is o n » s « a n too loth S t Attorta. OH 97101 John M will say your name is iHX your name Gogol BIRD BOY (for Danny) Love 8 an outtyer Persona Vintage Clothing P e o p le will ttgl you tt»e salmon can never return Uriah's SI. Diablo Jollies My problem is my husband A lte r 16 years of m arriage suddenly he wants to spend lim e w ith the boys P laying poker shooting pool and d rin k in g beer He says he deserves it I say his place is home w ith his fa m ily We have a 13 year old daughter Being a man you II probably take his side DonnaT M c M in n v ille Perhaps w ith o u t m eaning to you ve h u rt Uncle Mike s feelings Being nea rly seven in dog years Uncle Mike has seen enough of both seies to shatter w hatever loyalties or biases he m ig h t have suffered as a youth He would do v o lu n te e r work fo r the OCA before siding against anyone on the basis of gender even you Sadly at least in your case the sword o f fairness cuts both ways Your problem stems from yo u r being a neurotic co n tro l freak getting even w ith the universe fo r not g iv in g you a life Rather than c o n fro n t your own tawdry insecurities and grudges you choose to make yo u r husband s life as miseahle as vour own by w hat amounts to g ro u n d in g him Such spousal abuse has n o th in g to do w ith gender The w o rld is fille d w ith men stupid enough to believe a ll the little woman needs is them the kids and the big screen Let the poor w retch out to play What s the worst that can ha p p e n 7 He has f u n 7 From the sound of th in g s you could use a n ig h t out yo u rse lf Why not go to your m other s and w h in e about th in g s Tell y o u r husband Uncle Mike advises he e ith e r d rin k beer or shoot pool The o n ly sig ht more pathetic than a pool player w ith im pared vision is a poker player d ru n k enough to raise on a pair I « I ' . J ’ u i - I J isl.ul S Posi t Ml AC ItttX Hfrrt < .HUHKI IW'.» t | t >r U7UO - i: • I | u r n ng the public in te r the la it 90 i Mr Cat came back with two thrxjs m&smg artl i too am at a kjss - tor legitimizing concepts and just causes We sit by the place where the »»eplace would tie if we had any hre, and as he rambles in (team reviewing the orbit of ambitious youth. I cast (or w