► V t Captain ' W h i l e out for d i n n e r the o t h e r n:qht, my fr i e n d and I w e r e approch- ed by a p a n h a n d l e r . My friend gave him a q u a r t e r . I say s he's a c h u m p who just b e c a m e a c o d e p e n d e n t , and the guy p r o b a b l y spent it on b ooze or dope. What do you think? Shirley C A N C E R : The w ork you ' v e been i n ­ vo l v e d w ith is about to pay off. C o n t r a r y to what y our friends say, y o u ' r e not a ni t w i t s i n k i n g into d a n g e r o u s fantasies. They'll see. An d w hen they do, they'll f««] r e a l l y l bad. And you can rub it in the way you a l w a y s do. If Uncle Mike over found himself standing on a corner asking people like you for money to eat, he might need a drink too. if you can't spare a quarter to make someone's load a little lighter, at least spare the rest of us your Calvinist moralizing. Uncle Mike sincerely hopes your job is secure. l a s c i v i o u s l y at you. have the time. What the w i n d is success. No, you d on't you smell on V I R G O : As usual, you're w o r r y i n g and fuss i n g too muc h The 314 p r o ­ jects in p r o g r e s s will wait w h i l e you get drunk and howl at the moon, No one w i s h e s on their d e a t h bed that they'd spent more time at the office. Turn off the belt sander. put away the n e e d l e p o i n t , Ask some- one to roll in the hay. L I B R A : Those bor n under the sign of the u n b a l a n c e d are e s p e c i a l l y h a r m o n i o u s this month. A rare c o n ­ j u n c t i o n of art and life turns bad i n t e n t i o n s to great work. On the d o w n side, you r cat will have an u n f o r t u n a t e e x p e r i e n c e wit h a pole lamp. The s u r g e r y will be s u c c e s s ­ ful but your s a v i n g s acco u n t dies. No fair h o l d i n g a grudge. S C O R P I O : H o pefully, last m o n t h taught you a thing or two about honesty, c o m p a s s i o n , and ho w fast you can take a turn on your Harley. S o m e o n e c lose to vou needs love and understanding. There's a d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n g i v i n g and selling. Your m a n t r a this m o n t h is, Wor k W i t h o u t Lust for Result. C A P R I C O R N : When all else fails, and this m o n t h it might, trust your instincts. There's nothing g o i n g on you c a n ' t c o n t r o l and manipulate. If the c a r d s a r e n ' t c o m i n g you r way, t h e r e ' s bee n some m i s t a k e and, if you wait, the w o r l d will s e l f - c o r r e c t . If you must act out, sit in the b a t h t u b and p u n c h the b u b b l e s . Silly, i s n ’t it? A Q U A R I U S : No, life's not a l w a y s fair in the s hort run It'd be a lot less so w i t h o u t you. The c o n s t r a i n t s you feel aren't r e a l . N e i t h e r is the guilt. Your w o r k is not just wha t you do for m o n e y . If it's not you r life, it'll e v e n ­ tually kill you. Ask y o u r s e l f this: "If this wer e the last day of my life, h o w w o u l d I s p e n d it?" Do this e v e r y m o r ning. I K!>6 Okr SOwt Eugvw. Ongur» 97401 , Tek-phnrw 4 M 0512 Shirley, B IS T R M ; 436 2661 »NWOh MACH SINCE V l i ^ lI K R Dear U n c l e Mike, Ou r d a u g h t e r J e n n i f e r is five. Several m o n t h s ago, my wif e read her a book about fairies. Ever since, J e n n i f e r insists she sees and h e a r s them all ar o u n d her. Her m o t h e r is b e s i d e h e r s e l f and w 4 n t s 3 © n n i f © r t. o s © © © I say she'll o u t g r o w it. Do o t h e r kids go t h r o u g h this? Art M ic h a e l V o rc e T h o m s e n 503 325 3341 • FAX 503 325 3476 HO M E 325 1070 750 ASTO R STR EET • ASTO R IA. O R EG O N 97103 in N e t a r t s Dear Howard, Not n e a r l y enough. T h e r e is, in U ncle M i k e ' s h i l a r i o u s l y u n ­ q u a l i f i e d opinion, n o t h i n q w r o n g with little J e nnifer. She just sees th i n g s you don't. Cat s do this all the time and we think it's neat. W h e n humans do it, they need p r o f e s s i o n a l help. Go figure. For what it's worth. Art, pe o p l e hav e b e l i e v e d in faeries for t h o u s a n d s of years. Uncle M ike s e r i o u s l y d o u b t s t h e y ' r e all d e r a n g e d or stupid. The faery faith, or animism, rests on a b e ­ lief that all of na t u r e is alive. S c i e n c e n o w rega r d s this as a fair a s s e s s m e n t of the truth. Are there faeries? T h e r e are if your d a u g h t e r sees them. B e f o r e you s h u f f l e the poor kid off to the d r e a m - k i l l e r s , you might re m i n d y o u rself that no- one has ever seen an electron. Dear SAG IT TARI U S : When t i l t i n g w i t h wind- m i l l s , i t 's im p o r t a n t to w ear a h e l ­ met and knee pads. And a big b a n d - aid for your ego. Pick y o u r s e l f up and have at it again. Whe n you r h eart is pure, the w i n d s of the u n i ­ v e r s e are at your back. So, u n f o r ­ tunately, are c r i t i c s . » 31 in P o r t l a n d About w h a t ? Do I think the h uman you feel s u p e r i o r to raced off w ith your f r i e n d ' s q u a r t e r for a night of debauchery? who kn o w s ? M aybe he was p u t t i n g t o g e t h e r his P o r s c h e payment. Mostly, Uncle M ike thinks it s not you r business. He s u g g e s t s you look up the w o r d s 'charity' and ’g i f t * in II Funk S. W a g n a l l ' s . Dear * ■> <. I : i t > » li ’ d • i J I r Mike, G E M I N I : The several p e o p l e you a r e plav nice t o g e t h e r this month. If vari e t y is the spice of life, this m o n t h is c a j u n gumbo. L augh at a d ­ v e r s i t y and flirt with paradox. If thif d o e s n ' t work, sleep with m y s t e r y as long as n e i t h e r you nor it hav e a n y t h i n g c o n t a g i o u s . Some­ time after the 10th, you'll be a sked to run away w i t h an a c c o u n t a n t . Un­ less you ' r e l o o k i n g for a tax s h e l ­ ter, it will end badly. L E O : When the tough get going, Leos hang o u t . Why trv pushinu j r ri g h t ? M a t t e r s c o n t i n u e their u p ­ hill c l i m b and a very old d r e a m is It t true. eve if you d o n ' t lash y o u r s e l f to ip ASK UNCLE MTKE Dear U n c l e T A U R U S : O t h e r s m a y call you p l o d ­ d i n g and dull, but we k n o w t h a t ’s o nly half true. Y o u ' r e also o b s t i ­ nate an d surly. If you w e r e n ' t so cute and d e p e n d a b l e , your loved ones w ould h a v e s t u f f e d you in a burlap bag and p i t c h e d you off a bridge long ago. S o m e t i m e a r o u n d the 10th, a m i m e will d e l i v e r a messa g e . You'll ignore it and take a nap. »• -*■ P I S C E S : Fish p e o p l e u s u a l l y feel o u t of sorts d u r i n g the d r y season, The rest of t he time, t h e y ' r e just delirious. I f it w e r e n ' t for myth, romance, and f u l l b l o w n fantasy, t h e r e ' d be no r e a l i t y at all. Why s weat d e t a i l s ? C o n t i n u e to b e w i t c h s t r a n g e r s and d a n c e w i t h m o o n b e a m s . S o m e b o d y has to d o it and you ' v e got the touch . And the ne u r o s e s . Zodiac W IFF: It is said of Aries peo p l e that they are fiery and brilliant, 1 p o s s e s s e d of a spirit of a d v e n t u r e and d a r i n g . Wha t this b o i l s down to is a long s e r i e s of near fatal m i s h a p s and e p i c h a n g o v e r s . This m o n t h is no e x c e p t i o n . If you must d a n c e on tables, w e a r clothes. The s p e c i a l p e r s o n you meet on the 16th is an u n d e r c o v e r cop. . v Uncle CANNON Bf Al H BOOK COMPAQ 13? not Hi l.eir io. „ i3i,non hercii 4 3 6 - J 301 Mike, If, as N e i l s Bohr said, a t o m s aren't 'things', and the u n i v e r s e is made of atoms, then it c an't be a 'thing' either, right? If all there is is 'no t h i n g ’, ho w come there 'a a n y t h i n g ? Marv Dear in Newport Marv, Tricky q u e s t i o n , babe. If you ask me, von N e u m a n n was right. The u n m a n i f e s t c h a i n of q u a n t u m p o t e n ­ tial ( u n d i f f e r e n t i a t e d p r o b a b i l i t y ) is c o l l a p s e d into the o b s e r v a b l e w o r l d by c o n s c i o u s n e s s , w h i c h is to say, the a w a r e n e s s of d i f f e r e n c e . H e i s e n b e r g said, "There is no q u a n ­ tum world. T h e r e is onl y an a b s t r a c t d e s c r i p t i o n of it." Since von N e u ­ m a n n ' s Proof (1932) it has not bee n p o s s i b l e to frame the rules of o b ­ s e r v e d r e a l i t y w i t h o u t r e f e r e n c e to consciousness. W i t h o u t it, the u n i v e r s e b e c o m e s Oakland, about w h i c h G e r t r u d e Stein said, "There is no t here t h e r e . " lighthouse BREWPUB .4 X KH JH H O K H O O I) PLACE I O K l A .M tt r A M ) I K II.X U S 41 J? Hwy 101 5 mm 117 I iiw.Xn Ctty, S7M 7 HOUKS I I AM w 11 PM r .‘-u—,-irr Hour« I nAly A '«iluriWv 11 AM It) 1 AM Io o 4 A U m AttttLaM« I t )