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B a s e b a ll in th e S u n s h in e
by Marsha Morgan
U L Chicago
Snap I turned off ihe baseball
game Angry Frustrated HeartsKk as
only a real diehard Cubs fan could be
watching the nightmare team stop
playing about five innings stu n ol a
Victory. And to think, I traveled across
the continent to watch them die on the
vine like rotting inanon bernes It s
that damn super station W’G S fV
that s accesible right here in Cannon
Beach. Oregon.
There are nine million ways u> lose
a baseball game, but lus mg one linger
into two or three extra innings is an
especially painful one The manager,
whoever this years kamikaze pilot
may he. got a pinch hitter on base anil
then left him out there in run the bases
on tired, sore old knees When he
rounded third like the little train that
Could, and puffed in toward horn • the
catcher hail time to hitch up his pants,
adjust his cod piece, spit, and seule his
mask before the old guy did a belly
flop at his feet II was really sad
Humiliating
Dear I ncle Mike,
It you could be any kind of tree you
wanted, which one would you be?
A Pan in I'dlamook
Dear Bored Person,
One whose pulp isn't used to nuke
People M a g a z in e .
Dear I rule Mike.
My vacation is coming up and I can’t
decide where to go that I haven't already
been Any favorite hideaways you'd like
to recommend.’
Restless in Salem
IX*ar Restless.
I ncle Mike regrets he can be no help
shaping your itinerary, being one of
those who summer where they winter.
The last madcap getaway Uncle Mike
took was four years ago when he trekked
to Pheonix for spring training (some
thing done by baseball persons) with
Captain Bill. Upper Left's
nearly intrepid editor. Uncle Mike spent
six days drinking Bombay and tonic by
the pool. He found it rejuvinating
G u i l l o u I h ‘o c l i l / c n t l i e r
H n r b w l h w l.« n n w i!»
■ ad A r c iw o r k «
P O Boi 116
239 N Hamloctc
Cannon Baach. OH 97110
(503)436 0206
Sandra L L o y
*M,I
A itona, Oregon 97101
•Jrt«
w towcfRr
ball game...."
As much as I grumble about the
Dubs, I always try to think of the
positive skle of their seemingly
chronic latigue. Here’s my most recent
rationalization: If the Cubs had won
the W orld Series a couple ot tunes, by
now , they'd have built on of those
megabuck. domed atrocities out in
some god forsaken suburbs Bui as
long as they maintain their spot just a
little short ol 500 ti ll probably insure
that no circle of city vlol.iiors will
pluck Wriglcs I ield out of die ground
like aw-eed .uni build condos in k ft
held
And besides. I mean really, there's
always next year
iM.irsha Morgan is a writer from
Chicago, III who will he keeping us
up on the Cubs this year.)
(V J)
« KAüsE kföt SortANO
adwst 2.1”
AT RjCeiA^V) (zAuLtHY, ASTOAA
at the Faire:
G ritz ta Ritz
?473E , 9 * AVENUE
EUGENE O t 97403
503/342 8596
Dear Uncle Mike.
I think my husband is cheating on me.
I .ale nights at the office. Saturdays he needs,
“just for myself”, a dreamy look on his face
when he’s shaving. We’ve been together ten
years and I love him. I know he loves me.
It would be hard, but 1 could live with
knowing he's having an affair What I can’t
live with is the dishonesty. What should I
do?
End of My Rope
Toledo
Dear Rope.
Uncle Mike has heard many stories of
spouses who believe they wanted the truth.
W hat they really want is for the truth to stop.
Pick the right night for a romantic, candle lit
soak in the bathtub, perhaps a nice
beaujolats. Ask your mate once again,
tickling his tummy with your big toe. if he’s
been jumping the fence. When he says no
(and Uncle Mike would be willing to bet his
mother that he will), merely nod with relief.
Tell him not having to geld him in his sleep
is a great burden from your shoulders.
Then tell him you think he's lying through his
teeth, ask him if he'd like the shoe on the
other foot, and give him a week to save his
manhood.
one. a two. a three Take me out to the
D av id ( r.ibtrcc
t 'lassiti .il t ruttar
Dear Uncle Mike.
My 6 year old daughter . Brie, is an
absolute gem.but lately she’s become a
fussy cater After years of giving her
whatever she wants to eat (within reason
of course) she now refuses to cat any­
thing she hasn't seen on television. She’s
quite determined. esfxrc tally about
broccoli which they’ve found is quite
good for us. What should I do?
Perplexed in Netarts
Dear Perplexed.
Uncle Mike assumes you’ve ruled out
adoption or a boarding school in a third
world country. Your idiotic parenting
practices aside, the “quite determined”
human you're dealing with is 6 years
old You are. if not more intelligent, at
least bigger than her. Point this out to
the little tyrant. Then at the next family
meal, pu, nothing on her tv tray but a hand­
ful of grass If. after several hours, she asks
for food, give her leftovers and a great big
wink.
Damn Cubs They know they'll si'll
tickets whether the team is in first
place or ihe cellar And for the
baseball devout, there is no liner, nor
sacred place than Wngley field
Baseball in die sunshine on real grass
Ac tent ivy climbing ItX) year old
brick in the outfield A ball held
kcated m a ncighbortmikl where you
i an sit on top of your ruof A.rovs the
street and waleh the game lor free
Where kids stand on the curb, leaning
against huge oak irees outside the jurk
with their mitts, wailing lor homerun
balls to sail over the walls
With the exception ol the lights and
a scry small electronic strip under die
original scoreboard, the friendly
confines looks the same as it always
has There \ magic there And Harry
Carey, old enough io be die great
grandfather of full the pile hmg stall
A Cubs fan and a Bud man Did
Hany leads us in song He leans way
out of die press box and rumbles. ’ A
1235 S. HEMLOCK
Cannon Beach
7 AM — 2 PM
Laurel’s
Breakfast & Lunch
Closed Mon. &. Tues.
C&nnon
B each
Wine Shop
263 N . H em lock
( 3 0 3 ) 4 3 6 -1 6 6 6
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